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The Proforma Affair The sad passing of Christine Keeler last week brought back memories of an early 1960’s scandal involving Bristol Rovers which became known as “The Proforma Affair”. This sordid episode set in motion a long term decline of the club which can be traced to the day when an unfortunate case of mistaken identity led to us being forced to sell our prized asset Stephen “Dai” Ward to Cardiff City. It all began when Rovers’ director John Hare received an invitation to attend a kinky party held at a stately home near London and, knowing my penchant for stately homes, asked me to stand in for him. In those days I had no trouble standing and was pleased to help out but soon after arrival I discovered that our John had been confused with a prominent minister in the Government who shared the same name. Never one to refuse a challenge I carried on regardless and was quickly chatting to a highly successful banking tycoon from the Middle East who seemed very keen to assist with our plan to move from the training ground at the back of the Black Swan car park to a state of the art facility in South Gloucestershire. Mind altering drugs were in their infancy then and were packaged in a remarkably similarly way to Rennies so when I woke up next morning in bed with a girl called Mandy Rice - Krispies it was hardly surprising that I could recall nothing of the night before. And when I was later taken by limousine to a solicitor’s office at Chipping Sodbury I had no inkling that the land purchase papers I signed on behalf of a Jersey company were part of a devious plot to alter the balance of power in British football. But before the week was out a danger existed that my name and that of Bristol Rovers would be forever linked with failure to pay debts as and when they become due in one of the first cases of solvency abuse to hit the United Kingdom. At that time the Middle East, in economic terms, was a neglected backwater with the oil boom not yet underway and the West Bank a tiny sub post office just outside Petra. But politically it was a hot bed due in no small part to the success of the local electric blanket industry. And we at Bristol Rovers were merely prawns in this game of intrigue but, lacking any marie rose Source, extremely vulnerable to being blackmailed into supporting the application of Amman Disunited to join the football league. Within days bills started to arrive for goods and services supplied to that blasted overgrown field. Goat hooks, hedge fund trimmers, metal fences, metal mickeys, youth opportunity scheme kids, all came by the lorry load. And we had no way of paying for them because the promised suitcase full of used dinars had not turned up. Matters came to a head when a delegation of vendors, tax officials and the PFA arrived at our office demanding proforma payments in advance and threatening to name and shame us if we did not cough up. After 80 years of existence our histrionic club was in danger of being forced out of business because of those unscrupulous Arabian schemers who deliberately risked our integrity just to satisfy a desire to have their name read out on the BBC Light Programme Sports Report. But fortunately we still had one ace up our sleeve. Top scorer Dai Ward was sold to Cardiff, the bills were paid and with the help of the military attache at the Soviet Embassy in Saint Helier we managed to have the mysterious offshore company wound up and ownership of the field transferred into the name of Bristol Rovers. I spent many a happy minute in that cosy Portakabin at the Hambrook training ground as Christine Keeler would have been delighted to testify.

Brilliant manager. We never doubted him!

Don't worry, once we have our new stadium/modified stadium/bigger tents I will be back, then you will al be sorry you took the piss How are things going south of the river btw, is LJ a little more popular these days?

How about we promise you single malt but in reality get you nothing

Their top scorer could change his name to Billy Bedouin.

I've looked back just one year and had to laugh at their selective memory loss. Apart from the Matt Taylor threads, they were also convinced City were going down and they were going up at the end of the season. http://gaschat.co.uk/thread/8600/matty-sold-over-10m "I'd take £6 million and a loan back until the end of the season". "He lacks the attributes to go for anything more than £2m in my opinion". Then when Matt Taylor did join City they conveniently forgot this thread; http://gaschat.co.uk/thread/8642/matty-leave-on-cheap Bristol Rovers hot-shot Matty Taylor will spark a January transfer war. Brighton, Cardiff, Wolves, QPR and Glasgow Rangers have all come in for Taylor who has scored 15 in 22 games this season and a total of 60 goals in the past two and a half seasons. Taylor is valued in the £1million bracket but has a cut-price clause in his contract which allows him to go on the cheap with Rovers bracing themselves for a battle to keep him. The 26-year-old signed a new deal last July despite interest from other League One and Championship clubs but Rovers will now struggle to keep him after his prolific form. http://gaschat.co.uk/thread/8960/matty-quarters Matty T is still being linked with a transfer to multiple Championship clubs. The club have said he's not for sale.

Cruel, but quite amusing

They're going to start growing their own potatoes, to make sure the crisps aren't out of date.

Ah, so you hadn’t actually gone away. You were just waiting until you’d won a couple of games. No wonder we’d not seen you for so long..!

Wael finally unveils Rover's new stadium.

so bland and uninspiring,city are live on sky 4 times this month. the only chance they have of any tv coverage is if they hosted the great british bake off in their tent

Not good that a bloke was walking home from their match today and was stabbed by 3 youffs on push bikes. Hope he gets well soon, and they catch the little ***** that did this. Nobody deserves that. https://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/newsroom/2017/12/stabbing-in-horfield-under-investigation/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=SocialSignIn

Probably the same kind of bloke who tells everybody that any girl that turns him down must be a lesbian.

They do a lovely single malt in Sainsbury’s, but I wouldn’t expect you to accept that, from there, so I thought I’d help you out by drinking it myself. Aren’t we all getting along nicely, in the festive spirt..!

The gas have announced that they are releasing a film called 'The life of Wally', like everything else about the gas it's a complete rip off of some obscure Monty Python film whose name escapes me, but some of it has already leaked on to the inter web accidentally leaked by a complete bullshitter who has told the world that he repairs computers and sometimes at a very holy place called Ashton Gate. Picture the scene Wally is being carried down Gloucester Road and he drops a gourd (the gourd was representative of a trophy but the gas had sold all of theirs) and then one of his shoes falls off. Henbury Gas: Hail Messiah! Wally: I'm not the Messiah! Henbury Gas: I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few. FOLLOWERS: Hail Messiah! Wally: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly! Miah: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity. Wally: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah! FOLLOWERS: He is! He is the Messiah! Wally: Now, **** off! Henbury Gas: How shall we **** off lord Wally: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone. Wally: glances at his really nice watch, reclaims his Ipad from Henbury Gas who had been repairing it after it had crashed during the sermon on Hanham Mount, where Wally had preached to the multitudes with at least 2 million locked out and he produced his latest miracle of turning fine wine into piss and thought to him himself 'thank **** Chelsea are home tonight and i've got a season ticket". Wally: Where the **** is Dwane?.

Well might as well be me then As I said.. Dont know what all the fuss was about. A new dawn... For the Gas.. Befitting of the 600th page as we look out across the expanse of their new franchised location in Jordan. The new Wadi Rovers.

Is that what the mem will look like in five years time? After Steve`s bought it and turned it into a Community Park?

Just watching Football On 5. Are Rovers secretly hosting rugby matches on the side? Their pitch looks like it has been ploughed. Maybe the championship ready sprinklers have a leak.

Blow me a kiss - Alice Cooper

From the CCMB but probably the most deluded thing I have ever seen.... Its worth knowing a bit of the background over there. Rovers fans are by far the more knowledgeable and longer serving set of fans. They've been through much leaner times, but still turn out in big numbers home and away. The Wurzels (lovingly named the 'Shit Heads' from the Rovers fans) are the more Sky TV loving, pseudo middle class types whereas the Gas Heads (as they're called by the Shit Heads') are the more down to earth, passionate and loyal type of fan. Rovers have unfortunately been in the lower leagues for longer, but will absolutely dwarf the attendances of the Shit Heads when the roles are reversed. Which I'm certain will be in the next few seasons come to think of it... Don't forget that football ALWAYS goes in cycles

I think you're missing a zero somewhere.....

I mean really

Who knows and frankly who cares

It stated on the itv News(local), it was before the the new owner took over,

He looked as great as ever but Rigo was shocking. I don't understand how he managed to damage his hand barely throwing and without landing any punches. Thin air doesn't usually hurt to hit does it. I can only presume it was done when the ref was trying to peel him off of Loma. Rigo realised he had no chance very early, quit as soon as he thought it decent and didn't even put up a token effort before that. Hugely disappointing.

The new pie stall have just introduced these

I’m sure we wore purple on Friday night....

Been discussed in the dustbin thread

Hope the police find them and justice is swift. Like to think the person responsible isn't at home for Christmas.

Agreed. Hope the little scrotes are rounded up quickly.

That's the one!

I've waited 24 hours to consider my thoughts. For the 2nd game in a week, City and their opponents played attractive football with both teams trying to win. Sheff didn't even try holding out for a draw after the sending off. As both games were televised, hopefully the message may start getting through there is good football played outside the Prem.

against boro he crossed like a winger, last night he finished like a striker.

How did they react when Matty Taylor came on? Was it as good as this gem? .... "Just watching Sky Sports... and that syphilitic, subhuman, waste of discharge Matty Taylor has just come on for the Sh*t." Bitter ... or what?! Interesting selection of replies - http://gasheads.org/thread/6974/watching-sky-sports

Their only culture was growing in their pasty hut which was recently condemned.

The last time they were above us , these were all the rage.....

This is what gets churned out when someone from Cardiff tries to sound intelligent!!

So this poster is saying that Rovers fans will only turn up in huge numbers if their team is doing well...doesn’t sound very loyal to me. Although you’d expect that logic from a thick Cardiff fan. Rovers have been higher than us and their attendances have never dwarfed ours. Big numbers home and away? 7k at home last week 2-300 at Bradford, Bury and Rochdale and this at Scunthorpe.... What a dick!

Funny because, for such an amazing unique football club you’d think more people in the City they play in would want to support them instead of the pathetic attendances they’ve always had.

The delusion, bitterness and ignorance of the average sag summed up in 3 sentences.

I think we need to get a sense of perspective and recognise that the Fewers do have a more prowed history and culture than us though. A history of punching horses and head butting vans. And a culture of thieving from the till and where boob cricket assaults on innocent women taking their kids out for a walk is acceptable!!

Coming from the supporter of a club owned by Dwane Sports and who couldn't wait to jump into a franchise with UWE.

January: Rov*rs are just one win away from starting their play-off charge that will see them leapfrog the Teds for the first time in 16 years. February: Rov*rs are just one win away from starting their play-off charge that will see them leapfrog the Teds for the first time in 16 years. March: Rov*rs are just one win away from starting their play-off charge that will see them leapfrog the Teds for the first time in 16 years. April: Rov*rs are just one win away from starting their play-off charge that will see them leapfrog the Teds for the first time in 16 years. May: The season ends with Rov*rs in mid-table obscurity. The gap will last for another year. June-August: To close the off-field gap and the give the loyal and few the facilities they deserve, the curtains and carpets are cleaned and a canopy is built. September: Rov*rs are just one win away from starting their play-off charge that will see them leapfrog the Teds for the first time in 17 years etc etc etc December: 2 dirty Teds provide much needed good cheer across North Bristol and appear as Rov*rs' festive pin-up boys. Tick Tock

That is brilliant! They've got one 'player' that looks like a down and out meth head and could have used anyone else for that pic but, no, not r*vers! Another beauty...

Not forgetting January of course....

Anything that you can give to make his earnings up to just below the minimum wage would be really appreciated..

12 thousand locked out 11 hopeless players 10 dogs for Darryl 9 goals for Tottenham 8 thousand Home crowds 7 teen years behind us 6 fingered fanbase 5 HORSES PUNCHED 4 quartered cr*p 3 striped tents 2 racist chants And a Chairman with no money!

The Bravest Kids - Rancid.