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I've heard it all


BigTone

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1 hour ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said:

Ah right. No offence intended.

No offence taken Michael. Shit happens. She fell down the stairs headfirst into the wall and spent 6 months in hospital. Luckily there was limited damage to the wall !! 

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On 2017-5-28 at 14:54, BigTone said:

Sitting in our lounge in Weymouth overlooking the roof terrace where we have a seagulls nest. Wife just asked me (in all seriousness) "when will the puppies hatch ?"

No wonder I drink !!

 

 

No no no, no!!!

:grr:

 

FFS.

It's code.

"When will the PUPPIES hatch".

:tumbleweed:

 

Let me know when you understand what she actually meant.

:facepalm:

 

tfj

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Just now, BigTone said:

Not a clue

......... I don't want to be rude about your missus, but ........... how shall I put it ...............

......... err ...............

Did the puppies come out later that evening, or ............. not ??

 

tfj

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Well, i work on a trading estate in Bristol where some clever sod reckons if you "fly" a pretend hawk on a big pole it'll scare all the Gulls away from their nests. Now THAT is what i call dumb. You can ever hear them as they fly around it laughing.

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11 hours ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said:

In your case, it should be a Rorschac ink blot.

Mate.

Do you think the average OTIB reader understands your high-brow narratives?

Do you?

:no:

 

tfj

P.S. For those you have not 'got it' yet - it was code for bodice-ripping. I make no apology for the inevitable youtube links to bodice ripping that will now follow. So childish.

:disapointed2se:

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30 minutes ago, Taxi for Johnson said:

Mate.

Do you think the average OTIB reader understands your high-brow narratives?

Do you?

:no:

 

tfj

P.S. For those you have not 'got it' yet - it was code for bodice-ripping. I make no apology for the inevitable youtube links to bodice ripping that will now follow. So childish.

:disapointed2se:

Bodice ripping?

How very quaint.

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1 hour ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said:

Bodice ripping?

How very quaint.

Not really - it's TOTALLY un-PC, and has been since at least 1997.

:redcard:

Mind you - it won't stop some of the filthy pervs on here posting youtube links to 1970's bodice ripping.

Makes I sick.

:farmer:

 

tfj

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On 2017-5-28 at 14:54, BigTone said:

Sitting in our lounge in Weymouth overlooking the roof terrace where we have a seagulls nest. Wife just asked me (in all seriousness) "when will the puppies hatch ?"

No wonder I drink !!

 

 

Can beat that easily.

My sister in law was sampling different types of cheese and we were explaining where they were from or how they were made. For example red Leicester is from up north and made from cows milk and feta cheese is made from goats milk.

Out comes the camembert. "Is this from bears milk?" She asked.

I shit you not. We literally collapsed in heaps everywhere. Sheer brilliance.

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On 5/28/2017 at 14:54, BigTone said:

Sitting in our lounge in Weymouth overlooking the roof terrace where we have a seagulls nest. Wife just asked me (in all seriousness) "when will the puppies hatch ?"

She was close to chicks I suppose :gaah:

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1 hour ago, Septic Peg said:

Can beat that easily.

My sister in law was sampling different types of cheese and we were explaining where they were from or how they were made. For example red Leicester is from up north and made from cows milk and feta cheese is made from goats milk.

Out comes the camembert. "Is this from bears milk?" She asked.

I shit you not. We literally collapsed in heaps everywhere. Sheer brilliance.

Hmmm :whistle:.

Living in a country that, according to a certain CdeG, has 246 different kinds of cheese, I beg to differ: The Greek cheese Feta is normally made from sheep's milk - although sometimes from a mixture of both sheep and goats. 

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1 hour ago, PHILINFRANCE said:

Hmmm :whistle:.

Living in a country that, according to a certain CdeG, has 246 different kinds of cheese, I beg to differ: The Greek cheese Feta is normally made from sheep's milk - although sometimes from a mixture of both sheep and goats. 

Mmmm stinky cheese  :wub:

anyway Phil is quite correct

Feta cheese features a salty, sharp and tangy taste with a rich aroma. Feta cheese is made from sheep's milk, and other ingredients may include some goat's milk, rennet and salt. Feta cheese should not be made with cow's milk.

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If I recall correctly, Big Tone has spent some time working in the Middle East and, if so, will undoubtedly have tasted cheese made from camel milk.

You may laugh, but it is quite an interesting taste and not dissimilar to an unpressed cows milk cheese: indeed, if one was to drink a glass of (unpasteurised) dairy and camel milk, I would challenge you to tell the difference. 

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3 hours ago, Septic Peg said:

Can beat that easily.

My sister in law was sampling different types of cheese and we were explaining where they were from or how they were made. For example red Leicester is from up north and made from cows milk and feta cheese is made from goats milk.

Out comes the camembert. "Is this from bears milk?" She asked.

I shit you not. We literally collapsed in heaps everywhere. Sheer brilliance.

The stupid woman....

Everyone knows camembert comes from a herd of Somerset camels based in Camerton.

Bears my arse!  

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Talking of seagulls ... (mostly a pesky nuisance imo) ... except for one young one who visits my window sill most days.

He/she is young (still has the mottled brown plumage) anyway I began putting out little scraps for it, he'd fly off and return to eat it when I'd shut the window, this went on for a while.

Then he started appearing on the sill and tapping on the glass with his beak to get my attention, I took to dropping bits of bread, crackers etc out for him through the slightly opened window and he became confident/relaxed not enough to fly off and would eat it when I stepped back.

Time went on where trust grew and eventually he now sits there watching me at the fully opened window and greedily feeds his tit bits from my bare hand..

He visited this morning and had some bread and jam!  (he seems to have gone off of apple stumps, he used to love 'em but takes 'em and leaves them on the shelf now.. he loves leftover chicken (inc the bones) ... wholemeal bread and crackers, its like having a mini waste disposal unit as a friend  :laugh: .

(can't wait to teach him to speak and squawk Come On You Reds, ..sit on my shoulder and take him down The Gate... ok maybe that's taking things a bit far) 

But ..... I've still not settled on a name for him/her? its been suggested  Steven ... (as in Steven Segal :) ) but that's been done before I hear... so any suggestions for names will be considered, after all if I'm gonna be his step dad I ought to have a name for him, how else will I be able to shout out to him when teas ready? :) 

Will try to get a pic or two of him to post here sometime ..

 

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1 hour ago, WhistleHappy said:

Talking of seagulls ... (mostly a pesky nuisance imo) ... except for one young one who visits my window sill most days.

He/she is young (still has the mottled brown plumage) anyway I began putting out little scraps for it, he'd fly off and return to eat it when I'd shut the window, this went on for a while.

Then he started appearing on the sill and tapping on the glass with his beak to get my attention, I took to dropping bits of bread, crackers etc out for him through the slightly opened window and he became confident/relaxed not enough to fly off and would eat it when I stepped back.

Time went on where trust grew and eventually he now sits there watching me at the fully opened window and greedily feeds his tit bits from my bare hand..

He visited this morning and had some bread and jam!  (he seems to have gone off of apple stumps, he used to love 'em but takes 'em and leaves them on the shelf now.. he loves leftover chicken (inc the bones) ... wholemeal bread and crackers, its like having a mini waste disposal unit as a friend  :laugh: .

(can't wait to teach him to speak and squawk Come On You Reds, ..sit on my shoulder and take him down The Gate... ok maybe that's taking things a bit far) 

But ..... I've still not settled on a name for him/her? its been suggested  Steven ... (as in Steven Segal :) ) but that's been done before I hear... so any suggestions for names will be considered, after all if I'm gonna be his step dad I ought to have a name for him, how else will I be able to shout out to him when teas ready? :) 

Will try to get a pic or two of him to post here sometime ..

 

Mint.

Don't feed him white bread, rice, chips or anything really salty as it will swell in his stomach. Anything else is fine.

Can't think of anything better than Steven Seagall. Brilliant. :clap:

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2 hours ago, WhistleHappy said:

Talking of seagulls ... (mostly a pesky nuisance imo) ... except for one young one who visits my window sill most days.

He/she is young (still has the mottled brown plumage) anyway I began putting out little scraps for it, he'd fly off and return to eat it when I'd shut the window, this went on for a while.

Then he started appearing on the sill and tapping on the glass with his beak to get my attention, I took to dropping bits of bread, crackers etc out for him through the slightly opened window and he became confident/relaxed not enough to fly off and would eat it when I stepped back.

Time went on where trust grew and eventually he now sits there watching me at the fully opened window and greedily feeds his tit bits from my bare hand..

He visited this morning and had some bread and jam!  (he seems to have gone off of apple stumps, he used to love 'em but takes 'em and leaves them on the shelf now.. he loves leftover chicken (inc the bones) ... wholemeal bread and crackers, its like having a mini waste disposal unit as a friend  :laugh: .

(can't wait to teach him to speak and squawk Come On You Reds, ..sit on my shoulder and take him down The Gate... ok maybe that's taking things a bit far) 

But ..... I've still not settled on a name for him/her? its been suggested  Steven ... (as in Steven Segal :) ) but that's been done before I hear... so any suggestions for names will be considered, after all if I'm gonna be his step dad I ought to have a name for him, how else will I be able to shout out to him when teas ready? :) 

Will try to get a pic or two of him to post here sometime ..

 

You could get him to shit on the sags.

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