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You can see why he is such a perfect fit for Rovers. Looking forward to him accusing himself of being a Ted.

Two old guys, been friends all their lives. Went to school together, worked for the same company, married each other’s sisters. Played in the same sports team their favourite sport being cricket. On retirement they both watched cricket and attended every match at the County Ground at Taunton. During the lunch break they were enjoying their tea and sandwiches and one said to the other “ do use suppose that cricket is played in heaven? “dunno” said the other “ but whichever of us get there first comes back in a dream to let the other know” A while later one of them passes on and a few nights later he came back in a dream to his old friend. ” I have some good news and some bad news, which one do you want first?” ” the good news first old friend” He said, “the good news is that cricket is played up here in heaven. It’s fantastic, it never rains, the pitches are perfect and equal to batsman and bowlers” ”the bad news is - you’re opening the batting tomorrow”............

Surrey 2 wickets down already against Glos. Few going early around the country

The Day That Margaret Thatcher Dies ... Pete Wylie

Still no resolution or announcement re pre paid parking for LAST season! What’s it to be? refund or credit against future parking!

Hi @Robbored, I liked your joke as I thought it funny. Nevertheless, I was convinced I had heard it before...so checked: Robbored The voice of reason. OTIB Supporter 1,757 36,887 posts Location: Nailsea Posted February 29, 2020 Two old boys Bill and Tom grew up together and played in the same team and followed cricket all over country most of their lives. Sitting at the County Ground in Taunton during the tea break Tom says to Bill ‘do you suppose that they have cricket up in heaven?’ ‘ Dunno’ says Bill ‘but whichever one of us gets there first, they come back in a dream to let the other know’ Eventually Tom passes away and that night he visits his life long friend in a dream....’ Bill, I have some good news, and some bad news, which one would you like first’? ’ The good news first, Tom’ ’ well, says Tom, ‘there is cricket up here in heaven. It’s wonderful, no rain delays, perfect temperatures’ ‘and the bad news is that you’re opening the batting tomorrow!’ I do prefer the newer, revised version, though ?.

He's going to be playing county championship cricket before the end of the season

EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide. It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers. It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women. Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now. If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support: CALM, www.thecalmzone.net 0800 585 858 ‐------------------------ Heads Together www.headstogether.org.uk -------------------------- Mind www.mind.org.uk 0300 123 3393 -------------------------- Papyrus www.papyrus-uk.org 0800 068 41 41 --------------------------- Samaritans www.samaritans.org 116 123

Well after discussing things with my friends (one of whom is a solicitor) , I've just decided to start the ball rolling regarding petitioning the court for a divorce under the grounds of adultery. Even though we separated at the end of July, you can still divorce on adultery grounds if your partner gets involved with someone so soon after. She has no grounds to divorce me because she's always maintained that I am a perfect husband and father, but she just doesn't love me in that way anymore. Nothing valid there in the eyes of the law. Just gonna put the last 9 heartbreaking, gut wrenching months behind me ASAP.

You did enough to comment on a clearly titled thread!

Really? A loud, noisy spectacle with risk and close racing. I'd sooner understand your view if you were talking about horse racing. Spend all day at a track and see horses run past maybe a dozen times, while stood next to idiots on the pi**. Of course, all IMHO.

3 men die on Christmas eve, to get into heaven St Peter says "you must have something on you that represents Christmas" the Englishman flicks on his lighter and says "it's a candle", St Peter lets him pass, the Welsh man jingles his keys and says "they're sleigh bells", St Peter lets him pass, the Irish man pulls out a G String and bra, St Peter says "how the fuck do they represent Xmas?"... Paddy says "they're Carols.

We've all heard the funny car insurance claims havent we? (If you havent, PM me and I will paste them here in the thread.) Well what about letters to Islington town Council? from 'letters to the council' (allegedly) The council are their landlords. "I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage." "Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence." "I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off." "The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall." "Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother." "I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers." "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink." "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces." "Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much." "The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it." "I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night." "Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife." "I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction." "We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house." "This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

Priest and a nun traveling around Australia spreading the Christian faith when the arrived in a small town in the outback with only one hotel which had only one single room with a single bed.... They were both weary and decided to share the room. The priest took the bed and the nun took the easy chair. After a while she says “ Im a really cold” so the priest gets her a blanket. 10 mins later she says the same thing so the priest gets her another blanket........10 mins later she says ‘ I’m still really cold,,don’t you think we could be man and wife for one night?’ ’ Good idea says the priest - ‘get your own ******* blanket!’

I was seeing this girl for about six weeks -until someone nicked my binoculars.