Jump to content

Welcome to One Team in Bristol - Bristol City Forums

Welcome to One Team in Bristol - Bristol City Forums, like most online communities you must register to view or post in our community, but don't worry this is a simple free process that requires minimal information for you to signup. Be a part of One Team in Bristol - Bristol City Forums by signing in or creating an account.

  • Start new topics and reply to others
  • Full access to all forums (not all viewable as guest)
  • Subscribe to topics and forums to get email updates
  • Get your own profile page and make new friends
  • Send personal messages to other members.
  • Support OTIB with a premium membership

Major Isewater

OTIB Supporter
  • Content Count

    28,199
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    79

Everything posted by Major Isewater

  1. Deer meat is venison but I understand it needs to be spelt out to us !
  2. New recruits are seated to have their first lesson in desert survival. The Sargent gives them a situation , ‘ So you are in the desert after escaping from the enemy and you stumble across a wreck of a car , how can you use this find to help you survive ? , Private Johnson ? ‘ Well , I would take out the radiator and evaporate the liquid to drink clean water ‘ ‘ Excellent, Johnson ‘ ‘ You , Baker ? ‘ ‘ Well , sarge , I would strip off the material from the seats and make a shade from the sun ‘ ‘ Good , well done ‘ ‘ and you Clarke ? ‘ ‘ I would take off the driver’s door ‘ ‘ OK , and why ? ‘ ‘ Well Sir if it got hot I could wind down the window ‘ .
  3. I think confidence and momentum play a huge part in football. Confidence was lower than a snakes scrotum and we rivaled Ski Sunday for our speed going downhill.
  4. A very disturbing story . I find myself wondering what were the circumstances surrounding the ‘ kidnapping ‘ and if the rapist got caught . There are too many questions not answered. As for Duffy , I wish her all the best .
  5. A couple of cowboys in Arizona stumble on an old Indian lying on the road and listening with his ear to the ground. ’ Have you seen the stage coach ? ‘ ’ There was a red stage with four white horses and two Mexicans holding the reins . On the roof were four green trunks ‘ Impressed by the ancients skill they asked ‘ How do you know all this ? ‘ ’ The bugger’s just run over me ‘ .
  6. Two out of three ain’t bad , oh no that’s Meatloaf.
  7. Is that Beckham on the right ?
  8. They are a little tenuous ; A Hard day’s night - the bloke next to the guy with ‘ not dead ‘ on him is stretching like he’s had a hard night’s sleep and it’s day time . Bee cause The Russians on the carousel for Back in the USSR .
  9. Dear Uncle Tone , I feel am being hassled by an agony uncle on a forum I visit what should I do ?
  10. Good innings mind . Lived life to the full with his ‘ wifelets ‘ . RIP .
  11. I don’t know if the Danish artist Agnès Obel is well known in the UK but her music extraordinarily beautiful . Great for chilling out at home which just by coincidence... Here is a comment lifted from YouTube which sums it up . ’ Marzzy107 Every time I listen to Agnes I get goosebumps and feel like my souls being transported to some mysterious, beautiful dimension. Her music is a blessing to this Earth and I’m so thankful that I discovered her! ‘
  12. Why have an unnecessary dig at the Johnsons ?
  13. Octopuses garden I am the Walrus Hello , Goodbye yellow submarine hard day’s night strawberry fields nowhere man fool on the hill blackbird maxwells silver hammer helter skelter ticket to ride while my guitar gently weeps. back in the USSR The Taxman Norwegian Wood She’s leaving home Here comes the sun Rita meter maid twist and shout penny lane hey bulldog because long and winding road
  14. A dense crowd gather on Mount Calvary as Jesus is hung on the cross . Near the back Peter hears his Lord calling, ‘ Peter , Peter ‘ He pushes past the Roman guard who slashes at the disciple with his sword and cuts off an arm. Still he hears the call, ’ Peter, Peter , ‘ Determined Peter struggles to advance when another guard strikes him taking off his other arm. Unperturbed , the loyal servant, continues on his way . ’ Peter, Peter ‘ ‘ I hear you Lord ‘ Seeing Jesus closer still , Peter is encouraged , when suddenly, another guard strikes him cutting off his leg . ’ Peter, Peter ‘ , the voice sounds , ’ I am coming Lord ‘ With all his strength he makes a last push to the summit where another guard cuts off his other leg . Exhausted the man falls to the ground at the foot of the cross. ’ Peter , Peter ‘ ‘ I am here my Lord , what is it ? ‘ ’ I can see your house from here ‘ .
  15. I just echo the sentiments already expressed on here by your OTIB family. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones .
  16. Lauren Bacall, she knew what was going on . Smokin’ Brigitte Bardot , she just oozed raw , animal sex appeal .
  17. It’s not a ‘ lovely daaaaaaaay ‘ as Bill is no longer Withers . Rest in peace and thank you for the music.
  18. The same surgeon as earlier but a different patient. « Mr Smith , I have some good news and some bad news which do you want first ? « « Oh no , I’ll take the bad news first « « Well , we are deeply sorry but we amputated the wrong leg « « My God ... and what is the good news ? « « Well ,your other leg got better «
  19. In hospital the surgeon approaches the patient’s bed , « Mr Jones , I have some good and some bad news , which do you want first ? « « Well give me the bad news first then perhaps the good news will compensate « « Well the bad news is that we had to amputate both your legs « Feeling below his waist Mr Jones ,starts to sob at his loss . Then recomposing himself he asks , « So what is the good news ? « « The bloke in the next bed wants to buy your slippers «
  20. I started a band at college we were called the Gimix. It may be coincidence that John Cooper Clarke put out an album called ‘ Gimmicks play loud ‘ .
×
×
  • Create New...