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Major Isewater

OTIB Supporter
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Everything posted by Major Isewater

  1. Mick Jagger and Elton John were strolling though a park when they came across a young woman with her head stuck in some railings. Mick didn't hesitate to take advantage of the situation by un - doing his trousers and taking her from behind. While he was pulling his trousers back up he turned to Elton and asked " Are you not having some ? " To which Elton replied " No way man, I'll never get my head in those railings ! "
  2. I think he has reached his peak with us and would like us to bring in a fresh dynamic in the summer, even if we go up , although that would seem very harsh . I like the bloke and appreciate all that he has done , and been through , at the club . I believe he will go on to have a sterling career having learned enormously with us. I feel SL took him on too soon in his career.
  3. A sailor arrives in Hamburg after a long stretch at sea . After an evening on the beer he finds himself in front of a brothel and fancies a bit of relief. On entering the house of pleasure he stumbles on a Madam who asks him what his desire is . ‘ I have sailed the seven seas , made love to every race of woman on the planet and really want to try something, well , different ‘ ’ Ok , go to the end of the corridor and there is something ‘ different ‘ that awaits you. The matelot eagerly follows the directions and opens the door at the end of the passage . In the room he finds an ostrich wearing stockings and suspenders. He ,eventually, traps the bird and gives it a jolly good seeing to . Towards the end of his shore leave he remembers the exotic night he had experienced and decides to revisit before going back to sea. He asks the Madam what she has that is ‘ interesting ‘ but explains that he only has twenty euros left . The woman takes his money and tells him to take the red door on the right . He opens the door and sees a line of men , members in hand , looking through peepholes and pleasuring themselves. Our hero finds a free peep hole and he sees a man having sex with a donkey . ’ That is disgusting ‘ proclaims the sailor . ’That’s nothing ‘ , says his neighbour , ‘ last week there was some ***** trying to shag an ostrich ‘ .
  4. Privates Tompkins and Jones are arrested for being drunk and disorderly whilst on duty and the punishment is a flogging . The CO addresses the soldiers before their public whipping . ’ Your behaviour is in acceptable for Her Majesty’s military and brought shame on the regiment . However, in view of your previous courage and records I will accord you a favour . ‘ ’ Jones , to help with the pain you can have , whatever you want on your back , tell me ‘ Jones thinks for a moment and demands a thick layer of grease . ’ Tompkins , what do you want on your back soldier ‘ ‘ Jones, Sir ‘ .
  5. Tom , leaves behind his lost love and signs up for the French Foreign Legion . He finds himself in a remote outpost in the southern Sahara. All goes well until, being a young virile man, he starts to get the need to release his pent up sexual frustration . He asks his fellow legionnaires how they cope , ‘ ah , we take the camel ‘ . Tom , really isn’t that keen but it’s been a long time alone so with some intrepidation he enters into the camel’s stall, jumps on a bench behind his animal and drops his trousers before starting to give his all . Just as he gets going his comrade walks in and discovers the liaison . ’ Tom , what the **** are you doing ? ‘ ‘ Well you said you all ‘ take ‘ the camel ‘ ‘We do , ... in to town ! ‘
  6. Here’s one of my favourites. A trucker sits down to eat his breakfast in a ‘ greasy spoon ‘ cafe when a gang of hells angels enter the establishment and start bullying him . The gang leader steals a chip and dips it in the trucker’s egg . The guy continues eating and ignores him. The Hell’s Angel ups the ante , taking the salt and emptying it in the poor bloke’s cafe . Without a word he gets up , pays for his breakfast and leaves the cafe to the jeers of bikers . The cafe owner goes over to the gang and says ‘You scared my customer off . you shouldn’t have bullied that man ‘ ’ He wasn’t a much of a man ‘ laughed the bearded gang leader . ’ He wasn’t much of a trucker either , he’s just driven over your bikes ‘ .
  7. I don’t know if I’ve already posted this one but knowing most of us have short memories here goes ; Two vampire bats hanging in a cave ; ‘ I am starving not had a nibble for days , with this corona virus everyone is staying indoors . I don’t think I can go on much longer ‘ ‘ I know, I am going out to search ‘ Ten minutes later , he comes back , blood dripping from his mouth . ’ You jammy git , where did you get that ? ‘ ’ Do you see that rock over there ? ‘ ‘ No ‘ ‘ No , neither did I ‘
  8. I’ve often wondered what you look like Downend .
  9. You’ve not been dealt the best hand there Keyred. I hope you profit from your life to the maximum . My positive vibrations being sent from a small corner of France that is red . We are all going to die one day that’s why it’s so important to live your life to the full, follow your dreams , call up that old friend, forgive your enemies , drink cider /red wine in the same glass ... Live each day as if it is your last because one day it will be. Peace and love to you all.
  10. Complete this season when the epidemic is over and just play each other once next season with the gate and tv money to be shared equally. Who plays at home and who plays away could be decided by drawing the team to host from a hat , like in a cup competition. Ensuring that there is a balance between home and away matches for each club .
  11. They should stay off social media on a non-match day .
  12. It’s not on the official site , I am with Robbored.
  13. Just finished hand washing my mohair socks . Preparing for a lunch on the terrasse , 21C over here . A bottle of rosé and an afternoon nap before the foot ...
  14. If we had sold him we wouldn’t be paying his wages in total ,unless he signed a contract on the same wages plus we would have his transfer fee to bank , Why is it acceptable for Matty and Bailey to leave for nothing and not someone like Elliason or Joe Bryan for example ?
  15. In France the government have banned visits to old people’s homes to avoid contagion. They are advising not to visit elderly relatives or friends and people over seventy have been asked to stay at home going out only when there is no other choice. Am I the only one who is bewildered by all this ? I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. To top it all, whilst I realise that the weaker members of our community are at risk of losing their lives , thousands die off each year with the flu . Why is this virus so much more important ?
  16. Or a weekend free of adrenaline and happiness .
  17. We evidently didn’t find a way to get a fee for him other wise he would have been sold . If MA wanted to sell MT on , he would have wouldn’t he ?
  18. We didn’t have to offer him a new contract but other players are sold off before they get into their last year . I believe there were other clubs interested in signing Matty , Charlton being one , last summer. It just seems very odd to me . He is not a ‘ League 1 ‘ striker as he has played at Championship level and even a ‘ League 1 ‘ striker has à transfer value . Bailey Wright is another , an international with a stack of Championship experience , he must have had suitors ? I don’t understand it.
  19. I am a bit surprised that we have let Matty run his contract down whilst on loan at Mark Ashton’s old club . I know we didn’t pay much for him but are we really so wealthy that we can let a player leave for nothing. I would have thought that we would have put pressure on Oxford to sign him in January even for a nominal fee , it all helps towards FFP .
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