The Right Honourable Les Q

Just another thought on Sam's view of himself as "Not someone who heads a ball a lot." That would appear to be part of his psychological make-up, how he sees himself, the sort of footballer he is. So, over comes the ball on a Saturday, and here is Sam, and somewhere in his conscious, or sub-conscious thought, Sam's telling himself, as he meets the ball with the goal at his mercy, "I'm not someone that heads the ball a lot." Woops. So, next time Sam runs in on goal, just the keeper to beat, what is running through his mind? "I'm someone who misses these a lot," ?? Methinks Lansdown Snr might do well to invest a few bob in someone to work on the between-the-ears stuff. But someone top drawer, not one of the "League One" sports psychos. I reckon Baldock is intelligent enough, sufficiently at ease with himself, to be open to this?

An interesting read, that (thenatchwall piece). And one way of looking at this situation. Here's another way of looking at it: 1. Any away game, or any game for that matter, where we score four, the attack have done their job. It's up to the defence then to do theirs. 2. One v. One's are not always "easy" or "gift-wrapped." There is usually a big bloke getting in the way, able to use every part of his anatomy to stop you scoring. Plus a big lump bearing down on you. Your time is limited. And you have a decision to make, quickly (hit it now; get a bit closer; take it round him; near post; far post; dink it; dummy; oh look, Dolly Marie is laughing at me already; this one's for everyone on Otib, etc). But also enough time for your mind to undo things, for example, reminding you of the fact that you have missed a couple of these chances already and it has become a talking point. So, when you need to be calm and cool, you find yourself panicking a bit and just hitting, perhaps too early, and hoping. Wrong decision. It's easier when the ball is squared across the six yard line and there is no time, no need, for any decisions to be made, just get a foot on it and power it towards the net. Instinct. No thinking. No mind games (with yourself). One v. One's are a bit like penalties, as much about what is going on between your ears as down there with your feet. You have to smile when people say, how can you miss from 12 yards? Go take a few, find out. I know it's his job, but he seems to have lost the knack with these. There are forwards better than Sam at one v one currently, but many of them have other deficiencies in their game that we would all be scrutinising even if they were tucking away more "easy" one on ones. My beef with Sam yesterday was him saying, "I'm not someone who heads a ball a lot." It looked like it Saturday! But was he saying, I don't get to head the ball much in games (because of my height, the way we play etc) or I don't head the ball a lot, full stop. IE don't even practice? I'm sure Sam practices one v ones, but the worry is there is no sign of any improvement. Which suggests the practice isn't right. Practice never makes perfect, but it should reduce the imperfection. I would guess that the problem is in Sam's head with this (and I'm not on about heading practice here. Although, that wouldn't hurt either....) That's just my take on it.

Thank you for clearing that up, John. So, as the first line of defence, can we land one on Sammy Baldock for not closing down the oppositions lumbering central defenders properly?

Hence the generous wages.

Wonder if our defence would shut out our attack? Who comes out on top in training? Maybe this is the only way to fathom which is responsible for our current position: missed chances (not scoring enough) or defensive frailty (just the 2 clean sheets, is it?)??

Not never even in that Hen & Chicken? You never should not have heard the bloody drivel I had to listen to after the game in that Thali cafe last night....

Don't ask me! Ask that gobby Aussie gal in the Dunga-rees. It's all Greek to me. Never happened in my day....

Mizz Greer, G, is a regular columnist in the Saturday Telegraph, Mr Bard. Weekend section. Drones on about countryside affairs, trying to kid us all on she's not still scheming and plotting against us fellers. I may well have glanced at a copy of 'The Female Enoch' whilst in George's bookshop, Park St, back in the 70s too. Just to see what all the fuss was about. Greer, Bonnie, well known to the authorities too. Know your NME, Bard...

You can't just make this stuff up, you know....

Or "Gottle of"??!

Sorry. Another question. Not about Big Adam, though. This one's about your man, Greer: you lot call him Bonnie, or Germaine?

One way of thinking about this signing (if you can't decide if it's wonderful or woeful) is if he had just signed for Sheff U, Notts Co, Tranmere, Crewe or Stevenage, what would we be thinking and feeling? Would we be thinking 'why didn't we bid for him?' and feeling a little twinge of anxiety or frustartion or concern? Or would we have barely noticed? Me? I wouldn't have noticed. First I've heard of him. So, I need to ask: how do you pronounce his surname? And will singing The Beatles "Ob-La-Di" work with his name? "Desmond has a barrow in the market place, Olly went to Brighton with his team; Adam left a pressie in the dressing room and Olly found his shoes needed a clean...Ob-La-Di Abd, Abd...la la la life goes on...."

Thank you for that. So, "he won't take any crap," you say. But he could well be the one that had a "crap" in Ollie's dressing room. Thus, he can dish it out, but he won't take it. Jolly good. That's the stuff to give them. Squat like an Egyptian, as the Bangles once put it. It would be excellent to get confirmation (as to his being the "perpetrator" of said "crap") thus ensuring cult hero status amongst us before even marshalling the defence towards their first clean sheet under Cotts. Who will ask the question? Adam Baker, what you waiting for??

He hasn't persuaded L, Steve to change our name and drop the "City" has he? Perhaps it's an Egyptian thing??

If you are still with us (and this hasn't already been asked/answered) I have two questions: 1. Is this chap the one that left a steaming, fragrant 'Welcome to Brighton' pressie for Hollowhead in the away dressing room at your play-off game last May? Or, in other words, does this El Abd chap "give a sh1t"? (Cos we've had one or two that didn't, you see). And 2. What do you mean by "old fashioned" centre half?? (I think I know what you mean but.....) Thank you, in anticipation (if you're still with us...) (I'm not really here myself...)

Answer the question, "Mr" Phant. Are you a Feminist?

"Fant," are you a Freudian, or a Feminist? Freudians will point to the infantile need of millions of people for an omnipresent, God or father figure*; in football, it's a loaded sugar-daddy. Feminists, on the other hand (and I know this because Lady Q inadvertently invited a particularly bolshy one round for her coffee morning recently) will highlight the archaic patriarchal society with it's reliance on an all-powerful male at the top of everything, bodging things up. Again, a doshed-up bloke. Myself and Des, in the 80s, however, were ahead of the game and we often consulted Dame Beryl Fudge (God bless her soul) on many things we didn't have a bloody clue about. The problems are rooted in our infant development and our violent hatred and oppression of women. I really think we need a bird, a "doris," at the top, to sort this out. Our own Mrs T. Who have we got? Mrs D?? *For more info on the Freudian goings on at AG see a copy of one of your local football fanzines, on sale this Boxing Day. Or possibly, from a bloke at your work.

Now, now John. Where's your manners? You are sounding rather grumpy this afternoon. Have you been back in the Old Station again?

Yes, I seem to recall you and your sort giving it some outside the main entrance in the 80s, too...bloody gobby sh1tes

Good morning. I would like to impress upon all fans, disappointed by the lack of response from the club to their written letters, the importance of including a Stamped Addressed Envelope with their letter, if they really, really want a reply. Can I also remind all nostalgic, middle aged fans, that Mr Terence Cooper used to spend too much time writing to fans, when he should instead have been out organising the defence on the training pitch. A case of serious neglect at the time. Lastly, might I be so bold as to suggest that these complaints become magnified in their intensity and the perceived slight received to the spurned, as they see themmselves, when the team is doing sh1te. A run of poor form that cannot be entirely the fault of the owner and his besieged board. Plus, it is worth remembering, that young Jon has possibly never written a letter in his life, innit. Apart from the one to Santa. Who does leave him a reply, but not the bloody things he asks for (sound keeper, centre half, striker, some luck etc...) If you are of a mind to go looking for things to be upset by, a football club is a good place to start. Just remember the SAE, please?

You had a bad night already, young chap??

"Long Walk To Swindon"? Bloody right. Only 50 mins in the car ...

Thank you, sir. I will look out for one of those next time I'm in Smiths. Don't expect you can get one here in Joburg!