handsofclay

Blind Alleys to be clearly signposted on the pitch as it is so frustrating watching a talented player run down one. Surely, if they were clearly signposted it would remove a lot of frustration and increase the enjoyment of the game.

When supporters enter a stadium they are each given a mask of a dead pop/rock/soul star. Then when a scoring team's fans break out into a rendition of 'You're not singing anymore,' they will find they're pointing at the likes of Elvis, John Lennon, Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, Aretha Franklin, Janis Joplin etc and feel pretty small. The fans of each team will only be allowed to use this ploy once. Then the masks are confiscated, but it would mean that each time a goal is scored there would need to be a delay, like with VAR, to make sure there are no dead singers present before breaking out in chorus. Plus, it would enable fans of a team who are on the wrong end of a spanking to obtain a little respite from ridicule with one of the goals condeded.

I think if there was ever a think tank set up to investigate ways to improve football they would find out my precise location and hold it on the other side of the World. And I wouldn't blame them!

And if the keeper is sent off he is pulled back by the opposition players to the fullest extent the cord will go and aimed at the keeper's boss, coaches etc in the dugout, then he is released and his attachment to the cord is disconnected a split second later so he is propelled at speed into the dugout. The amount of pegs (boss/subs/ coaching staff) he then knocks down is added up and if ever the club who fired him at the dugout get into administration difficulties then the amount of points reduction they get is reduced by how many points they scored in knocking down their opponents. If, in the event that they knocked down 12 and were only going to get a ten points deduction, they start the following season with a two point bonus.

If a substitution is made in the last minute of injury time in the 2nd half, the oncoming substitute has to do something to entertain the crowd at the end of the match to justify his very late addition to the game. Maybe a few card tricks, sawing a woman in half, belting out a few numbers, doing a stand up routine etc, etc. If at the conclusion of his act he doesn't obtain a very decent level of applause, then the club are reported to the FA/EFL and lose the opportunity to use substitutes in injury time for the next 50 matches.

When a player scores and removes his shirt to celebrate he will escape a yellow card if he is wearing a clean vest underneath.

6G pitches that are super intelligent and can indicate immediately if a player is offside, doing away with VAR. Also will be able to know if a player is feigning injury and if he is can administer an electric shock through the pitch to the precise point where the guilty party is, the strength of the shock being determined by how much the player had exaggerated their affliction. When free kicks are awarded the pitch will indicate the precise blade of grass from which it should be taken and create a ten yard electrified buffer zone which electrocutes any opposing players who encroach before the kick is taken. If a player goes down genuinely injured the pitch isolates him by a subterranean cubicle suddenly emerging from under the player, allowing play to continue while he receives treatment. Inside the cubicle will be an emergency medical team complete with all the latest medical lifesaving equipment, monitors, drips, blood transfusion stuff etc., etc. This will be a massive upgrade on the magic sponge. The pitch can also change colour so that if a team is playing in green or a bluish green and blending in with the grass too much, the pitch will change to a light orange colour. Indeed, the pitch will be so intelligent it will figure out the best colour to be within seconds of the kick-off having studied all the kits on view as well as background colours to ascertain the most outstanding canvas it can provide. If a player is taking a free-kick he can pick up a blade of grass and instead of letting it go to see what direction any wind is blowing, he Dan just ask the grass and receive an answer as well as getting answers on how far away from goal they are and whether it's best to go for goal or play it into the box etc.

You're determined to boost attendances at women's football aren't you?

And all three wound up as the closest of contests. Dunfermline 3-0 up at one stage had to hang on at 3-2 at the end. I think there was something in the air today that decreed that any sporting contest would go right down to the wire. Had Barcelona played Easton Tabernacle Old Boys today it would've gone to pens and possibly Barca winning 22-21.

Group H Typical of the Scots to arrange for such a tantalising encounter in Group H of their League Cup to clash with England's first appearance in the Cricket World Cup since 1992. They have to try and take the gloss off of England's big day, don't they? Barstewards.

Like a lot on here I don't give a monkey's about anyone's sexual orientation. We all have a right to a life without encountering prejudices. My only fear if Bristol City had a gay striker would be that Anne Widdecombe would probably turn up and try to encourage the young chap to undergo gender realignment therapy so he no longer feels the need to score amongst his fellow men. This would severely dent his value in the transfer market. It is uplifting that so many of us on here couldn't give a hoot. Unfortunately, we are the ones who, by our presence on this forum, are able to demonstrate that we have the ability to string sentences together. It is the section of society who encounter tremendous difficulty stringing two words together who will be the intolerable ones.

This is a throwback to the early days when men used to go to football on a Saturday afternoon and then the women would play up afterwards when they got home.

Steve Coppell was manager at Man City for a long time...well compared to how long he was manager at Bristol City it was a long time.

You are, of course, quite right which means that Gerry Gow is out of the alliterative XI and Keith Curle and Jackie Dziekanovski (or however it is spelled) are in.

The two times we have been promoted from the second tier we have had two alliterative players in the teams: Archie Annan and William Wedlock in 1906 and Trevor Tainton and Gerry Gow in 1976. Great that in this window we've acquired Sammie Szmodics but on the negative side we've let Frankie Fielding go, so back down to one.