Jerseybean

Guess Harry Kane has booked his hols already then....https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/52086428

The missus told me this morning that she’d ordered some dog clippers from Amazon....the dog and I looked at each other and quickly went out for our one session of permitted exercise.....

EMPLOYEE NOTICE Due to the current financial situation caused by the Corona Virus and slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your TD, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) PS - Due to Corona Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Club statement......

First game after the shut down....

I was in my garden last night at 7:59 just aimlessly singing, if you all hate the Rovers clap your hands, and suddenly the whole neighbourhood joined in!

Hi Uncle Tone I hope you can help. I really fancy this girl at work, but I’m not sure where to start. She’s always quite friendly towards me, but I think she may have a boyfriend. Should I send her a picture of my old-boy?

Social distancing in practice...... cing

Pretty sobering listen - NHS doctor’s take on people’s behaviours.

Long but worthwhile read...https://medium.com/@tomaspueyo/coronavirus-the-hammer-and-the-dance-be9337092b56

One approach for parents surviving school closures.... https://www.facebook.com/516456284/posts/10157815725156285/

Is this your missus?