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2 hours ago, ziderheadarmy said:

Sounds sensible mate it’s it’s meant to be it will happen. 

This is having more twist and turns than our season! So as soon as I wrote that to you I had a message from her asking me if I have any plans to stay at her uncles (lives next door to her) and that she would like me to as that means she’s only next door then and then lots of banter after that.

just like our play off chances I really can’t predict this :clapping:

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26 minutes ago, PHILINFRANCE said:

So, @Up The City!. Any new developments?

I’m still in Ireland :facepalm:

Things were awkward for a while after our night out but over the last 2 weeks we have got back on track and spent a lot of time together but not so much alone. That seems to be the stumbling block right now.

I was due to return to the UK yesterday but she had a heart to heart with my friend and I was convinced to stay a bit longer.

Basically she really likes me, wants to see how things go but doesn’t want a relationship right now. But I’m also of the same view , so its good we’re on the same piece of paper.

Right so here’s where it gets confusing. She is worried if we did get to know each other better and it didn’t work out then it would ruin our great friendship, she is also worried that if it didn’t work out, it would affect my friendship with my friends.

But we have agreed to just see where it goes, however there is one huge stumbling block. She is friends with someone who has a lot of feelings for her, they are good friends but she doesn’t feel the same about that person and she has even told that person that and told them her feelings for me, however this person is getting right in the way. Every day since I been here they have been turning up unannounced even when we have made plans and this girl finds it difficult to get rid of this person.

So where this will end up I have absolutely no idea. It seems it’s all set up real nicely but taking the next small step is becoming very difficult.

 

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I wish I had never asked :shutup:.

Seriously, though, I have sort of followed your story from several months ago and have remained curious ever since.

Like many others on here, I am sure, I hope things turn out well for you and, from experience many years ago, I understand your dilemma about getting closer ruining a friendship. Isn't life complicated?

Good Luck.

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7 hours ago, PHILINFRANCE said:

I wish I had never asked :shutup:.

Seriously, though, I have sort of followed your story from several months ago and have remained curious ever since.

Like many others on here, I am sure, I hope things turn out well for you and, from experience many years ago, I understand your dilemma about getting closer ruining a friendship. Isn't life complicated?

Good Luck.

This story still has plenty of twists and turns and ups and downs I’m sure! 

It may be on a bit of a down right now but then in a few days it could be on the up, who knows hey?

If you don’t mind me asking how did your situation play out?

ive always been if the mindset that I wanted to find my best friend, and then marry them. We flew right past the best friend stage when I 1st got here and then wasn’t friends and then we’re friends and now we are slightly past being friends but are going round in circles.

Unless something dramatic happens over the weekend then on Monday I’m going to return to Bristol and put this on the shelf for now. Whenever we are together that great crazy chemistry is there and I’m sure if I leave this for a bit for them to get their life in order then that chemistry will still be there at another point in time.

 

 

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9 hours ago, Up The City! said:

This story still has plenty of twists and turns and ups and downs I’m sure! 

It may be on a bit of a down right now but then in a few days it could be on the up, who knows hey?

If you don’t mind me asking how did your situation play out?

ive always been if the mindset that I wanted to find my best friend, and then marry them. We flew right past the best friend stage when I 1st got here and then wasn’t friends and then we’re friends and now we are slightly past being friends but are going round in circles.

Unless something dramatic happens over the weekend then on Monday I’m going to return to Bristol and put this on the shelf for now. Whenever we are together that great crazy chemistry is there and I’m sure if I leave this for a bit for them to get their life in order then that chemistry will still be there at another point in time.

 

 

Sorry to jump in but I'm gonna say it kinda went similar for me.

I was in a relationship and had been for about 7 months when I started working at a new place. I met this fella who worked alongside me and we literally clicked. Friends for life right there. Great banter and we shared so much in common. 

Like I said, I was in a relationship and my friend was single. 

Fast forward a few months and my bf of the time being a knob so I sent him packing. Myself and a load of work colleagues went out on the razz. Much alcohol later, and me and my friend ended up having a snog.

We discussed giving it a go but were worried about our friendship going down the pooper if it went sour. We went for it and been together for 12 years in August. He's my best mate literally and I call him a c word on a daily basis. That's the crux of our relationship. In fact, he's literally just entered the room as I type this to make some random noise at me so I've told him to f off...

Being good friends before hand made all the difference I think. It's totally worth it!

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8 hours ago, Septic Peg said:

Sorry to jump in but I'm gonna say it kinda went similar for me.

I was in a relationship and had been for about 7 months when I started working at a new place. I met this fella who worked alongside me and we literally clicked. Friends for life right there. Great banter and we shared so much in common. 

Like I said, I was in a relationship and my friend was single. 

Fast forward a few months and my bf of the time being a knob so I sent him packing. Myself and a load of work colleagues went out on the razz. Much alcohol later, and me and my friend ended up having a snog.

We discussed giving it a go but were worried about our friendship going down the pooper if it went sour. We went for it and been together for 12 years in August. He's my best mate literally and I call him a c word on a daily basis. That's the crux of our relationship. In fact, he's literally just entered the room as I type this to make some random noise at me so I've told him to f off...

Being good friends before hand made all the difference I think. It's totally worth it!

I can certainly relate to you! I am glad it has worked out for you and shows if you take that chance it can work out.

Like for me the friendship thing is not as big of an issue as it is for her. We slept with each other and are still friends now so that shows even if things don’t work out we can overcome things.

The other day my friend convinced her to give it a go and see where it goes because like with you that weird chemistry is worth exploring further. 

Omg me and her are exactly the same! I refers to her as the B word. When we see each other we act as if we hate each other but I think you get that.

I know if I could get some time alone with her then I could convince her to give it a go, but getting that time alone is problematic.

The thing is I know she is head over heels for me, but that scares her terribly.

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15 hours ago, Up The City! said:

I can certainly relate to you! I am glad it has worked out for you and shows if you take that chance it can work out.

Like for me the friendship thing is not as big of an issue as it is for her. We slept with each other and are still friends now so that shows even if things don’t work out we can overcome things.

The other day my friend convinced her to give it a go and see where it goes because like with you that weird chemistry is worth exploring further. 

Omg me and her are exactly the same! I refers to her as the B word. When we see each other we act as if we hate each other but I think you get that.

I know if I could get some time alone with her then I could convince her to give it a go, but getting that time alone is problematic.

The thing is I know she is head over heels for me, but that scares her terribly.

Totally get it and yes, people look at us so strangely when we insult or take the piss out of one another. It's the mark of how comfortable you are and is a strong foundation for a relationship.

It's a scary thing when you fall deeply. But it's a beautiful thing too. She's doing the right thing by letting herself get used to the fact that she's feeling so emosh for you. The whole butterflies in the stomach, the constant daydreams about the other person etc is such a huge rush of emotions. It's a huge sensation to experience, especially for someone not used to it. 

Sending lots of positive vibes.

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On ‎24‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 19:00, Up The City! said:

I can certainly relate to you! I am glad it has worked out for you and shows if you take that chance it can work out.

Like for me the friendship thing is not as big of an issue as it is for her. We slept with each other and are still friends now so that shows even if things don’t work out we can overcome things.

The other day my friend convinced her to give it a go and see where it goes because like with you that weird chemistry is worth exploring further. 

Omg me and her are exactly the same! I refers to her as the B word. When we see each other we act as if we hate each other but I think you get that.

I know if I could get some time alone with her then I could convince her to give it a go, but getting that time alone is problematic.

The thing is I know she is head over heels for me, but that scares her terribly.

Give her a deadline, sounds like this is doing you no good. Don't let her walk all over you.

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On 25/03/2018 at 11:16, Septic Peg said:

Totally get it and yes, people look at us so strangely when we insult or take the piss out of one another. It's the mark of how comfortable you are and is a strong foundation for a relationship.

It's a scary thing when you fall deeply. But it's a beautiful thing too. She's doing the right thing by letting herself get used to the fact that she's feeling so emosh for you. The whole butterflies in the stomach, the constant daydreams about the other person etc is such a huge rush of emotions. It's a huge sensation to experience, especially for someone not used to it. 

Sending lots of positive vibes.

Yes and we have both felt that comfortable since the moment we met. I think the last time she loved She got hurt massively so that’s why all these feelings are so scary. She likes to act all strong and try to resist but when we’re together I can tell what her true feelings are.

Everyone here has been so keen to see us get together because they can see how we just bounce off each other with our constant insults and demanding we make each other cups of tea etc, pulling pranks on each other etc.

Shes built herself a new life since her last relationship and she’s admitted that was hard and scary and I think that Is part of the reason why she isn’t scared, because if it went wrong she would have to start all over again. How I convince her that her life will change for the better I don’t know.

The problem is because me and her are so jokey together we do really struggle to have these serious conversations and when we do we both talk in riddles.

4 hours ago, Super said:

Give her a deadline, sounds like this is doing you no good. Don't let her walk all over you.

 I’ve gone to leave this country twice and at the last minute she suddenly opens up and convinces me to stay. The last time I went to go she didn’t even say goodbye to me as she was in tears but then after a few days she goes cold again.

I’ve booked a ferry for 2moro and I’m defo going back to Bristol. I’ve not even seen her since Thursday so no point in hanging around when her mind is clearly not in this right now.

Hopefully one day we can revisit whatever it is we have between us.

 

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On 22/03/2018 at 22:55, Up The City! said:

I’m still in Ireland :facepalm:

Things were awkward for a while after our night out but over the last 2 weeks we have got back on track and spent a lot of time together but not so much alone. That seems to be the stumbling block right now.

I was due to return to the UK yesterday but she had a heart to heart with my friend and I was convinced to stay a bit longer.

Basically she really likes me, wants to see how things go but doesn’t want a relationship right now. But I’m also of the same view , so its good we’re on the same piece of paper.

Right so here’s where it gets confusing. She is worried if we did get to know each other better and it didn’t work out then it would ruin our great friendship, she is also worried that if it didn’t work out, it would affect my friendship with my friends.

But we have agreed to just see where it goes, however there is one huge stumbling block. She is friends with someone who has a lot of feelings for her, they are good friends but she doesn’t feel the same about that person and she has even told that person that and told them her feelings for me, however this person is getting right in the way. Every day since I been here they have been turning up unannounced even when we have made plans and this girl finds it difficult to get rid of this person.

So where this will end up I have absolutely no idea. It seems it’s all set up real nicely but taking the next small step is becoming very difficult.

 

Ah you’ve met the clock blocker, don’t be surprised if he’s the one messing with her head 

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2 hours ago, Tomarse said:

Ah you’ve met the clock blocker, don’t be surprised if he’s the one messing with her head 

Hello Mate. Just had a nose at your website - Fascinating!!  I work at an old Victorian mental health hospital site in Carmarthen, West Wales.  At the time the hospital closed in 2003, there were 1200 patients here.  

The photos below were snapped on my phone one evening after work, of the old chapel on the site.  Incredibly, this chapel was built entirely from the labour of patients between 1883 and 1889 - The days when the hospital was called a 'Lunatic Asylum' and patients referred to as 'inmates'.

 

Chapel - St Davids Park 1.jpg

Chapel - St Davids Park 2.jpg

Chapel - St Davids Park 3.jpg

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11 minutes ago, PunkRockDad said:

Hello Mate. Just had a nose at your website - Fascinating!!  I work at an old Victorian mental health hospital site in Carmarthen, West Wales.  At the time the hospital closed in 2003, there were 1200 patients here.  

The photos below were snapped on my phone one evening after work, of the old chapel on the site.  Incredibly, this chapel was built entirely from the labour of patients between 1883 and 1889 - The days when the hospital was called a 'Lunatic Asylum' and patients referred to as 'inmates'.

 

Chapel - St Davids Park 1.jpg

Chapel - St Davids Park 2.jpg

Chapel - St Davids Park 3.jpg

Going waaay off topic from the above but thank you. Lovely photos,  St Davids I'm guessing?

I co-write another website called County Asylums - http://www.countyasylums.co.uk/ - its covers the history of the county asylum act from 1845 and each individual institution. There is a history/photos on St David's here for example: http://www.countyasylums.co.uk/st-davids-hospital-carmarthen/

I've been working with the ABMU Heritage team in Swansea for the past 12-18 months with regards to the forthcoming closure of Cefn Coed Hosptial (Swansea & Merthyr Asylum) - and there will be a big exhibition next year at the City's museum including muggins doing some talks on the history of the site and the original architect. 

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2 hours ago, Tomarse said:

Ah you’ve met the clock blocker, don’t be surprised if he’s the one messing with her head 

It’s become very clear he is a huge obstruction.

When we all went to the night club when I 1st got here, it was clear what was happening with me and this girl, he just stood there staring the whole night and eventually got himself kicked out as he started a fight with someone, probably out of frustration.

Its clear he is madly in love with her but she just sees it abs a friendship thing, she even told him last week how she feels about me and that she would choose me over him.

So since I have moved next door to her every single night after work he has turned up at her door, he doesn’t usually do that.

We have often made plans, she’s gone out to buy food to cook me a meal and He turns up.

As she is good friends with him she does struggle to say no to him, but she can’t see what he is doing. I’ve not said anything to her about him as that would just backfire on me.

Today I return to the UK, since I’ve told her she has ignored me. Just need to put This on the back burner for now.

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On 3/24/2018 at 01:26, Up The City! said:

This story still has plenty of twists and turns and ups and downs I’m sure! 

It may be on a bit of a down right now but then in a few days it could be on the up, who knows hey?

If you don’t mind me asking how did your situation play out?

ive always been if the mindset that I wanted to find my best friend, and then marry them. We flew right past the best friend stage when I 1st got here and then wasn’t friends and then we’re friends and now we are slightly past being friends but are going round in circles.

As I said in my previous post, I have followed your story over several months and, like many on here I am sure, I am intrigued as to how this now turns out.

It seems to me to be like some form of soap opera, followed from afar by so many who, I assume, have never met you, and it is lovely (yet quite understandable) how we/they all seem to be rooting for a romantic conclusion.

You enquired as to my personal experience about getting closer ruining a friendship, and I am sorry to say that it did just that: many years ago, I ended a loving relationship and we remained close friends for several months. We later tried, but failed, to rekindle our relationship and have not spoken since.

 

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On 3/27/2018 at 11:13, Up The City! said:

It’s become very clear he is a huge obstruction.

When we all went to the night club when I 1st got here, it was clear what was happening with me and this girl, he just stood there staring the whole night and eventually got himself kicked out as he started a fight with someone, probably out of frustration.

Its clear he is madly in love with her but she just sees it abs a friendship thing, she even told him last week how she feels about me and that she would choose me over him.

So since I have moved next door to her every single night after work he has turned up at her door, he doesn’t usually do that.

We have often made plans, she’s gone out to buy food to cook me a meal and He turns up.

As she is good friends with him she does struggle to say no to him, but she can’t see what he is doing. I’ve not said anything to her about him as that would just backfire on me.

Today I return to the UK, since I’ve told her she has ignored me. Just need to put This on the back burner for now.

C*ck blockers are the worst. Once dated a girl who had this creepy guy called Ben follow her around everywhere. It was clear (from a bloke's perspective) that he was into her but she just couldn't see it, "just a good friend" etc. He made it incredibly hard work to enjoy time together, whenever we'd plan a meal out he'd rock up and ask to come, having a night in, he'd turn up with drinks etc. etc. 

I do sympathise with you bro as I know exactly what it's like. In the end it was doing my wick in so had to tell her straight, didn't go down well and was awkward but felt glad I did it. If she doesn't like it, tough bananas.

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8 hours ago, Anglo-Welsh said:

C*ck blockers are the worst. Once dated a girl who had this creepy guy called Ben follow her around everywhere. It was clear (from a bloke's perspective) that he was into her but she just couldn't see it, "just a good friend" etc. He made it incredibly hard work to enjoy time together, whenever we'd plan a meal out he'd rock up and ask to come, having a night in, he'd turn up with drinks etc. etc. 

I do sympathise with you bro as I know exactly what it's like. In the end it was doing my wick in so had to tell her straight, didn't go down well and was awkward but felt glad I did it. If she doesn't like it, tough bananas.

Yea sorry about that :whistle:

No hard feelings? :fingerscrossed:

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On 27/03/2018 at 11:32, PHILINFRANCE said:

As I said in my previous post, I have followed your story over several months and, like many on here I am sure, I am intrigued as to how this now turns out.

It seems to me to be like some form of soap opera, followed from afar by so many who, I assume, have never met you, and it is lovely (yet quite understandable) how we/they all seem to be rooting for a romantic conclusion.

You enquired as to my personal experience about getting closer ruining a friendship, and I am sorry to say that it did just that: many years ago, I ended a loving relationship and we remained close friends for several months. We later tried, but failed, to rekindle our relationship and have not spoken since.

 

It certainly feels like im living in some sort of soap opera right now! 

I appreciate everyone’s kind comments and well wishes and as the story unfolds I shall keep you all updated!

I am sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for you, I hope you later found happiness in life?

Right so the update is, I left Ireland yesterday afternoon and returned to Bristol in the early hours. She did attempt to get me to stay once again but I thought she kind of needs to miss me for a bit, so I came home with a heavy heart. I sent a text saying it’s a gutter we didn’t get round to doing more things together, but that I just didn’t have the balls to really even go and knock on her door, I also said, whatever happens I hope I have gained a friend for life. I received this text back. 

I wish you would have had the balls to just come over for tea and stuff too but then again i didnt either so make 2 of us ,oh im still waitin for u 2 do my washing us and cook me dinner, so whenever ur back over ur doin exactly that ,yes you have gained a new friend for life and i hope i have too 

So I guess it all came down to the fact we were both just too shy to make that move (despite having drunken relations) Then there was the issue of this guy being there a lot so that didn’t help my shyness either.

We shared a few more jokey texts on my way home and things have been left in a good place for another time I feel. Thinking I may just go back in a month or two unannounced and knock on her door with a bottle of wine :clapping:and just really try and break the ice. I’m pretty certain one evening together and that’s all we would need.

As for the friendship thing I’ve made it clear that is quite important to me, but even as friends I’d still like to do some things with her and then rather than deciding to give it a go or not I’m quite happy to let things flow naturally and see what way it goes.

Even her mum text me this evening to ask if I was missing her daughter! Seems I made quite an impression on her mother! 

I got the whole of OTIB, all my friends in Ireland, and all her family rooting for us to make it happen  :clapping:

 

 

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On 27/03/2018 at 21:50, ziderheadarmy said:

@Up The City!out of interest how old are you and this girl / women? 

I’m early 30s, she’s mid 20s

10 hours ago, Anglo-Welsh said:

C*ck blockers are the worst. Once dated a girl who had this creepy guy called Ben follow her around everywhere. It was clear (from a bloke's perspective) that he was into her but she just couldn't see it, "just a good friend" etc. He made it incredibly hard work to enjoy time together, whenever we'd plan a meal out he'd rock up and ask to come, having a night in, he'd turn up with drinks etc. etc. 

I do sympathise with you bro as I know exactly what it's like. In the end it was doing my wick in so had to tell her straight, didn't go down well and was awkward but felt glad I did it. If she doesn't like it, tough bananas.

You have experienced exactly the same as what I have gone through. Word for word you have nailed the current situation. 

Same as with you, she sees him as a real good friend but he is besotted, yet she can’t see it. He’s a real bad influence on her also.

I have considered telling her how I see it from an outside perspective but then I thought why should I be the one to ruin things? My friend, who is her uncle, put her pretty straight yesterday about this David guy and told her she needs to get rid of him as he will never allow her to be happy in life.

Also, considering he gets a lot of time with her, I am guessing he is trying his hardest to put her off of me, probably telling her that she should be staying single etc.

One really weird thing we have all noticed is, if she’s with him and someone texts her she won’t reply until he’s gone. My friend was over her house the other day and Everytime she got a text from me she would walk out the room to read and reply. Very odd.

3 hours ago, ziderheadarmy said:

Prices just in from Paddy Power

@Up The City! left this morning 4/6

@Up The City! still in Ireland 6/5

I got the 18:10 Ferry from Rosslare to Fishguard on Tuesday evening and arrived back in the UK around 10. Then a 3 hour drive back to Bristol, with chunks of the M4 being closed.

You could run some more odds on when I’ll end up going back over :clapping:

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Just a thought, why don't you invite her over here? Away from said clock blocker....

Also what you don't want to be doing,  as hard as it may be, is be the one doing all of the running. Trust me, been there, got the t shirt and all that malarkey, she was just further up North. Glad that went tits up though, otherwise I may never have met my wife!!

Plant the seed, you never know she may jump at the chance.

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@Up The City!

Is there no chance the woman in question could visit Bristol? That way she would be away from your ‘cock blocker’ & you could get a bit of time together, it’s cheap enough for a flight to Bristol & a hotel would be cheap enough especially if you planned things ahead a bit.

You could play her tourist guide & in fairness the visit doesn’t have to be a long one, even a weekend could be long enough.

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7 hours ago, Up The City! said:

You have experienced exactly the same as what I have gone through. Word for word you have nailed the current situation. 

Same as with you, she sees him as a real good friend but he is besotted, yet she can’t see it. He’s a real bad influence on her also.

I have considered telling her how I see it from an outside perspective but then I thought why should I be the one to ruin things? My friend, who is her uncle, put her pretty straight yesterday about this David guy and told her she needs to get rid of him as he will never allow her to be happy in life.

Also, considering he gets a lot of time with her, I am guessing he is trying his hardest to put her off of me, probably telling her that she should be staying single etc.

Clock blockers are the worst kind of human beings alive. Not 'real men' as they haven't got the balls to tell said female they're into her, but will do everything in their power to put her off other men and cloud her judgement with lies and nasty comments. I hate 'em!

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5 hours ago, Taz said:

Just a thought, why don't you invite her over here? Away from said clock blocker....

Also what you don't want to be doing,  as hard as it may be, is be the one doing all of the running. Trust me, been there, got the t shirt and all that malarkey, she was just further up North. Glad that went tits up though, otherwise I may never have met my wife!!

Plant the seed, you never know she may jump at the chance.

The key to chasing a woman is to never come across too keen in my view, then you end up straight in the friend zone and eventually ending up making a tit of yourself

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7 hours ago, Tipps69 said:

@Up The City!

Is there no chance the woman in question could visit Bristol? That way she would be away from your ‘cock blocker’ & you could get a bit of time together, it’s cheap enough for a flight to Bristol & a hotel would be cheap enough especially if you planned things ahead a bit.

You could play her tourist guide & in fairness the visit doesn’t have to be a long one, even a weekend could be long enough.

Funny that you say that, because today, my friend (her uncle) said he is planning on coming over in a month to stay with me. He said it’s a shame he hasnt got enough seats in his car as could have brought her over. I suggested that if she was willing to go half’s on ferry and fuel I’d come and collect her and then when I drop her back id stay over in Ireland for a few more weeks, so he’s gonna run that past her the next time he sees her.

She is originally from Bristol and has always wanted to move back here so hopefully she be up for a visit. 

Also id feel more in my comfort zone in Bristol to show her the real me. It’s a bit difficult showing someone that when your staying with friends in a strange place with not too much to do. We were pretty much just sitting around drinking cups of tea most days. In Bristol I can be like, right let’s do this etc.

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