Mental health

[Spoons]

I'm a 34 year old male who's happy and married. Two kids who are are happy and healthy. 

I shouldn't be worried about it ... MENTAL HEALTH. But I am. Over last 3 months lost my neighbour through murder(27) my brother's best mate ( 36) cardiac arrest and worst of all my son's best mate who was 4. Memorial service tomorrow.

I've just spent last two hours with two people who I thought were stronger than strong. How wrong was I ?

I also learnt it's ok to cry,? Be strong but grieve! 

Worst 5 months of my life so far. 

Don't be brave boys and girls.... If you need help ask. I have! 

[ZiderEyed]

Agreed.

Won't go in to it but I've dealt with mental health all my life and as soon as you talk to people it becomes half the weight it used to be. Talk. You won't regret it.

[Gazred]

A problem shared is a problem halved as the saying goes.

Get it out, talk about it - doesn't have to be with a mental health professional, just someone who is a good listener or who typically offers good advice.

I went through a tough patch last year with one thing and another and its taken months and months to get back to feeling 100% again.

One of the main things is recognising it in yourself in the first place, not something a lot of blokes are comfortable with so you are already on the right path to recovery.

[BanburyRed]

Echo this completely.  Have a beautiful 4 1/2 year old daughter who i absolutely adore and worship.  Before she came along, I lost my Mum to cancer.  Last year was the 10 year anniversary of her passing.  10 years.  Gone in the blink of an eye.  I've been through counselling for grief, bereavement etc and only in the last 6 months have I felt able to look forward rather than back.  Do I regret my Mum's passing and the fact she didn't get to meet my daughter?  Hell yeah.  Do I regret the counselling I've had?  Hell no.  I had a wonderful lady who ironically was in remission from cancer when I made my first appointment to see her, best call I ever made and the best decision I ever made.  Without doubt the reason I am able to share such wonderful memories with my daughter and the reason that I enjoy the simplicity of life without being burdened with mundane everyday shite.  Never underestimate the power of the question 'how are you?'.  As a male, we've just got to be honest enough and open enough to answer.

[iamalagerdrinker]

I've been pretty bad for the past couple of years. Since meeting my Girlfriend really (Seriously) kept getting anxious at the start of our relationship then it lead into depression and I'm not really sure what was happening I was and I still am the happiest I've ever been. Watching Corronation Street this week has been incredibly tough with the male suciced storyline. I echo what everyone has said it's okay to talk. 

[ElTanko]

It's definitely good to talk. I have suffered myself in the last few years, actually due to something OP mentioned, a cardiac arrest. Only I was the sufferer at the mere age of 30. Has messed me right up at times and has taken me some real support to get the idea out of my head that all my family are going to die imminently.

 

Stay Strong

[Monkeh]

as someone who suffers with serious depression, the best bit of advice I can give you i is to talk about it, whether that be with a professional a help line, a doctor or therapist or just a good friend,

Talking about it is the best thing you can do and once you are honest with yourself, your find a weight lifted,

[Robbored]

13 minutes ago, Monkeh said:

as someone who suffers with serious depression, the best bit of advice I can give you i is to talk about it, whether that be with a professional a help line, a doctor or therapist or just a good friend,

Talking about it is the best thing you can do and once you are honest with yourself, your find a weight lifted,

Well said Monkeh. Talking about any mental health issue is indeed the best advice. Not easy to do for many but knowledge that you're not alone is really beneficial. Talking therapy is the best therapy. The rewards are tremendous 

[Septic Peg]

This is a subject so very close to home for me. As I have previously said, I have a relative with a mental health illness and see daily how it impacts their life and those around them.

 

I'll also repeat again. If anyone wants to PM me because they need to talk to someone, my DM's are always open. Or you can contact me on Twitter and DM me there, @septic_pegg is my Twitter handle.

Trust me when I say I have heard some of the worst things. Things that people are terrified, in that they would be stigmatised or shunned, so nothing will shock me.

All messages are kept in the strictest confidence. I have been honoured that some people on OTIB have taken up my offer in the past and spoken with me privately. I hope that my advice, support and words of comfort have helped those persons.

 

Mental health should never be a taboo. Open up, speak up, ask for help. With the right support and professional help if necessary, you will recover.

 

Some numbers here if you feel more comfortable calling rather than messaging:

Who can I call?

• Samaritans. Samaritans are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, to listen to anything that is upsetting you, including intrusive thoughts and difficult thoughts of suicide and self-harm. Their national freephone number is 116 123, or you can email jo@samaritans.org. Samaritans also offer a Welsh Language Line on 0300 123 3011 (from 7pm–11pm only, seven days a week).
• SANEline. SANEline offers emotional support and information from 6pm–11pm, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0300 304 7000.
• The Silver Line. If you're an older person (over the age of 55), the Silver Line is there 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to provide information, support and friendship. You can call them from anywhere in the UK on 0800 4 70 80 90 (freephone).
• CALM. If you're a man experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58, and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.
• Nightline. If you are a student, you can look at the Nightline website to see if your university or college offers a night-time listening service. Nightline phone operators are all students too.
• Switchboard, the LGBT+ helpline. If you identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, Switchboard is available from 10am–11pm, 365 days a year, to listen to any problems you're having. Phone operators all identify as LGBT+. Their national number is 0300 330 0630, or you can email chris@switchboard.lgbt.
• C.A.L.L. If you live in Wales, you can contact the Community Advice and Listening Line (C.A.L.L). for a confidential listening and support service. Their number is 0800 123 737 or you can text 'help' to 81066.

[Lew-T]

On 08/05/2018 at 00:50, Spoons said:

I'm a 34 year old male who's happy and married. Two kids who are are happy and healthy. 

I shouldn't be worried about it ... MENTAL HEALTH. But I am. Over last 3 months lost my neighbour through murder(27) my brother's best mate ( 36) cardiac arrest and worst of all my son's best mate who was 4. Memorial service tomorrow.

I've just spent last two hours with two people who I thought were stronger than strong. How wrong was I ?

I also learnt it's ok to cry,? Be strong but grieve! 

Worst 5 months of my life so far. 

Don't be brave boys and girls.... If you need help ask. I have! 

I’m with you all the way brother.

My Mum passed away on the 6th March this year. Honestly I didn’t know how to take it? But I felt completely numb to start with and wasn’t sure what to do with myself, I still feel numb now and all of this doesn’t feel real. 

I work away in the week so it’s been tough being alone in hotels, B&B’s recently but I’ve just tried to keep myself busy. That’s all you can do. I regularly work out in the gym and if I’m not doing that, I’m playing football, cricket or out with the boys. 

My Mum was my closest friend and losing your best friend at the age of 23 has been tough to take. 

Luckily I have special people around me and you need people like that to help you get through this. I’m currently focused on my career and the purchase of my first house.

Just try to keep your head down in the best possible way you can.

[swanker]

As I’m getting older I’m noticing how fragile people can be and how the system in which we live really does mess people up. 

For example drug use. As a youngster most of my peers used and experemented with drugs. Many years later I’ve realised what the doctors warned about drug use is actually true. The effects on some of my friends mental health has been devastating and sad. It all seemed fun at the time? 

The thing is drug use is rampant now among the youth of this country. They will reap what they sow. Like a friend of mine said recently “ Some people just shouldn’t do drugs!”

[Vespa Red]

9 hours ago, swanker said:

The thing is drug use is rampant now among the youth of this country. They will reap what they sow. Like a friend of mine said recently “ Some people just shouldn’t do drugs!”

Having worked within mental health services, I've seen the effects that skunk and speed can have on the developing brain.  18 year olds with acute psychotic symptoms having used either/both substances when 13/14/15.  Of course, not all people who experiment at that age is effected in the same way.  But, the correlation is frightening.

[Septic Peg]

On 26/05/2018 at 15:31, Vespa Red said:

Having worked within mental health services, I've seen the effects that skunk and speed can have on the developing brain.  18 year olds with acute psychotic symptoms having used either/both substances when 13/14/15.  Of course, not all people who experiment at that age is effected in the same way.  But, the correlation is frightening.

Absolutely. 

There are studies (Google them if you want to find out more) that show the actual physical effects of illegal drugs on the brain.

Some stuff can actually permanatly change and damage the physical disposition of the brain. The brain, unlike the liver for example, cannot regenerate so once damaged, it's irreparable.

[BigAl&Toby]

I’ve lived with depression for many years. I’m 51 and was formally diagnosed about 2 years ago.

I’ve been married twice and have 3 great kids from my second marriage. The eldest is now 14, the youngest is almost 9. They were 7 and 2 when we separated.

That coincided with a 5 year period of doing a job that paid well but that I’d not been enjoying. So much so my employer gave me notice. I was lucky in that I found another job in the same organisation and clung on.

Then 2 years ago I’d had enough. I’d taken the kids to Croyde in the camper and we’d had a great time. I managed to hide my upset by only crying once they were in their sleeping bags.

We came back and I went back to work. For a day. Then signed off for 6 months.

I was lucky to have BUPA who funded weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. We chatted and chatted. He talked of boiling frog syndrome - Google it - and how despite feeling I had no choice or options I had more than I realised. It was just the consequences of making those choices that I shied away from.

I’ve still got a mortgage. A big one. I pay 25% of my salary in maintenance. I want to be a gardener but that doesn’t pay what I get paid.

I did though take control. I started to study to become a gardener. I got myself an allotment. I spend whatever free time I have up at the allotment. It’s where I think and realise that I’m lucky. To still have a job. Regular contact with my 3 kids and a partner who keeps telling me how excited she is that we’re getting married in 6 weeks.

It still rains. Sometimes it chucks it down. I miss the kids terribly still. They’re in Spain this week and not back for another few long old days.

But they’ll be back. And in 6 weeks Toby will be my best Best Man I’ve ever had. And the girls will be excellent bridesmaids.

Even if it rains on the day it doesn’t last. Those feelings never last for ever. It just seems like they might. But they don’t. 

Like @Septic Peg and others have said it’s good to talk. Difficult to start but not once you get going. And if you’re talking to someone who gets it.

If anyone ever fancies a chat for themselves or a friend I’d be happy to listen.

[Septic Peg]

15 hours ago, BigAlToby&Liam said:

I’ve lived with depression for many years. I’m 51 and was formally diagnosed about 2 years ago.

I’ve been married twice and have 3 great kids from my second marriage. The eldest is now 14, the youngest is almost 9. They were 7 and 2 when we separated.

That coincided with a 5 year period of doing a job that paid well but that I’d not been enjoying. So much so my employer gave me notice. I was lucky in that I found another job in the same organisation and clung on.

Then 2 years ago I’d had enough. I’d taken the kids to Croyde in the camper and we’d had a great time. I managed to hide my upset by only crying once they were in their sleeping bags.

We came back and I went back to work. For a day. Then signed off for 6 months.

I was lucky to have BUPA who funded weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. We chatted and chatted. He talked of boiling frog syndrome - Google it - and how despite feeling I had no choice or options I had more than I realised. It was just the consequences of making those choices that I shied away from.

I’ve still got a mortgage. A big one. I pay 25% of my salary in maintenance. I want to be a gardener but that doesn’t pay what I get paid.

I did though take control. I started to study to become a gardener. I got myself an allotment. I spend whatever free time I have up at the allotment. It’s where I think and realise that I’m lucky. To still have a job. Regular contact with my 3 kids and a partner who keeps telling me how excited she is that we’re getting married in 6 weeks.

It still rains. Sometimes it chucks it down. I miss the kids terribly still. They’re in Spain this week and not back for another few long old days.

But they’ll be back. And in 6 weeks Toby will be my best Best Man I’ve ever had. And the girls will be excellent bridesmaids.

Even if it rains on the day it doesn’t last. Those feelings never last for ever. It just seems like they might. But they don’t. 

Like @Septic Peg and others have said it’s good to talk. Difficult to start but not once you get going. And if you’re talking to someone who gets it.

If anyone ever fancies a chat for themselves or a friend I’d be happy to listen.

Wish you all the luck in the world for your new married life with your bride.

And even if it does rain on the big day, remember, Italians say it's a good thing as a wet knot is harder to untie.

It rained on my wedding day and Mr Peg and I have been over 11 years wed! I reckon those Italians were on to something!

[CC996]

I've struggled over the last couple of years with anxiety. As well as speaking to somebody trained in mental health, I'd recommend the book 'mind over mood'. Its's got worksheets to complete and can help. Also headspace app for mindfulness meditation.

[...]

Anyone looking as this thread, who has, or feels they might have 'issues'?

One piece of advice: DO NOT feel ashamed. DO NOT feel you are unusual, or weird. 

Many, many people have these 'issues'. It's not abnormal, its nothing to be ashamed of (if thats how you feel). Help is everywhere. 

The worst thing is to suffer in silence. No need.

Echo what has been said above. It's part of LIVING for many people. 

Much luv.