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54-46

Bristol Sport - Job Ad

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A family friend interviewed for BS not long ago. Worst HR experience they’ve had; BS attempted to rearrange the interview 10 mins before it was scheduled, didn’t reply to follow up emails and generally behaved very unprofessionally. 

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14 minutes ago, NickJ said:

On the contrary, I think he wrote it. :)

 

But yes what an absolute load of bollocks.

I'd love to see the "Brand P&L" (bullet point 8). What the **** does that look like?

Strongly suspect that’s a cut and paste job. 

The bullshit becomes ‘purer’ every time someone refines the spec. for use for the next job. 

Probably started with Mark Ashton devising a spec. for the cleaners then it was the template used for the next new job that cropped up. ..and repeat.... with each manager adding a few extra bullshit words to make them feel clever.

Eventually - and we’re not far from that point - someone in the Club will have an ‘Emperors Clothes’ moment and look at an advert and say ‘I haven’t a fooking clue what that means’. At that point the template is ripped up and the whole process restarts. 

Edited by Moor2Sea

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11 hours ago, 54-46 said:

Now, I appreciate I am the wrong side of 40 and been in the same line of work since leaving school.

Haven’t had to apply for a job for a good few years, but this ad for a job as a Brand Manager would leave me floundering.

Seems like one for David Brent to me. 

 

D2B851E5-234B-4DFC-B1B5-2E50EB699F5D.jpeg

Bristol Sport, never knowingly understood

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1 hour ago, NickJ said:

On the contrary, I think he wrote it. :)

 

But yes what an absolute load of bollocks.

I'd love to see the "Brand P&L" (bullet point 8). What the **** does that look like?

I took it to be Purple & Lime. Branding stuff in those colours, dunno? 

Certainly drumming out the brand, or is it Brand, message. A certain North Korean dictator would be proud of this approach. 

 

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10 hours ago, downendcity said:

Translation supplied by Stanley Unwin.

“Are you all sitty comftybold two-square on your botty? Then I'll begin.
Now, like all real life experience stories, this also begins once a polly tito, and Happiness Stan, whose life evolved the ephemeral colour dreamy most, and his deep joy in this being the multicolour of the moon. Oh yes. His home a victoriana charibold, the four-wheel folloped ft-ft-ft out the back. Now, as eve on his deep approach, his eye on the moon. Alltime sometime deept joy of a full moon scintyladen dangly in the heavenly bode. But now only half! So, gathering all behind him the hintermost, he ploddy-ploddy forward into the deep complicadent fundermold of the forry to sort this one out.” 

That shines like a beacon of clarity and common sense compared to the Bristol Sport B.S. above!

10 hours ago, downendcity said:

 

Edited by Southstandoriginal

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A perfect retirement job for S O'D

Bullet points as in the job ad could be really expanded into something we can all relate to seamlessly in the fullness of time, all things being equal :dunno:

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I'm a critic of Bristol Sport, but like it or not (I don't much like it) the game is generally heading this way.

We have aspirations to be bigger than we are, so we are going down this road. Become a lot less a sport, a lot more a business last 30 years tbh...however Brand P&L is complete- well does that even exist??

However, they are applying pure business and marketing principles to football- which works up to a point, but in terms of market share etc for the level we are at? Nah. Pointless (Now if we're talking clubs with a big national, European or even global reach then things start to change but not Bristol City in the Championship)...

@RedM Assume it stands for Brand Profit & Loss- however as a concept, that makes little sense to me.

Edited by Mr Popodopolous
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1 hour ago, Phileas Fogg said:

A family friend interviewed for BS not long ago. Worst HR experience they’ve had; BS attempted to rearrange the interview 10 mins before it was scheduled, didn’t reply to follow up emails and generally behaved very unprofessionally. 

I'm a supporter of Steve Lansdown, but I know of someone who's had a very similar experience with HL as well. Complete and utter incompetence in the run-up to and during the interview.

Edited by nebristolred

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Looking at that job ad, I reckon I would be of more use to Bristol Sports as Head Coach of their Football Department First X1. Or even playing for it.

 

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32 minutes ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

I

@RedM Assume it stands for Brand Profit & Loss- however as a concept, that makes little sense to me.

Obviously its supposed to mean Profit & Loss.

As per my original question, what the **** does this look like???!!!

Brand P&L. It's absurd.

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You could be the man for the job....

BS could do with a 'bright spark' someone who's down to 'earth', a 'live wire' with excellent 'connections, a perfectly fitting plug for the corporate socket... Well versed in 'consumer units', not con'fused' by the ying and yang of the positives and negatives within the 'conduit' of the brand. 

:yawn:  

@Lew - T (damn, meant to quote you, but I 'blew it' .. 

Edited by WhistleHappy

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50 minutes ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

I'm a critic of Bristol Sport, but like it or not (I don't much like it) the game is generally heading this way.

We have aspirations to be bigger than we are, so we are going down this road. Become a lot less a sport, a lot more a business last 30 years tbh...however Brand P&L is complete- well does that even exist??

However, they are applying pure business and marketing principles to football- which works up to a point, but in terms of market share etc for the level we are at? Nah. Pointless (Now if we're talking clubs with a big national, European or even global reach then things start to change but not Bristol City in the Championship)...

@RedM Assume it stands for Brand Profit & Loss- however as a concept, that makes little sense to me.

Thank you, shows I haven’t got a clue as I’m not fluent in Waffle Baffle. I will withdraw my application. 

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2 minutes ago, WhistleHappy said:

Think I'll wait til the multi story car park attendant job comes up... 

You'll have to start at the bottom and work your way up.

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7 minutes ago, semblar said:

Surely a job made for this guy?

Image result for apprentice the brand picture

Sadly we won’t be able to have his input. Died of an asthma attack 

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Brand? What Brand? I thought we are a sports organisation. A holding company, Bristol Sport and lots of sporting clubs underneath.

I can speak English, French, German and Portuguese. Can cope with written Spanish and Italian and can sing the Welsh anthem.

But opportunities to learn Outer Mongolian are a bit limited at our U3A (Posh new name for OAP's).

I hereby declare my interest in a job with BS as a "Light Transmission Operative" when the vacancy arises. I do need a new ladder to be fully equipped for the job!

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I can imagine a bunch of farmers at the end of the stone age trying to understand the words used when some guy came along and tried to get people to dig into the hills for copper and tin.

This kind of job advert weeds out the unqualified effectively. if you don't understand the words (and that includes me) there is no need to apply.

Nowadays players don't train for 2 hours and spend the rest of the day in the pub. For better or for worse the world has changed.

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2 hours ago, Phileas Fogg said:

A family friend interviewed for BS not long ago. Worst HR experience they’ve had; BS attempted to rearrange the interview 10 mins before it was scheduled, didn’t reply to follow up emails and generally behaved very unprofessionally. 

I can top that, I know of someone that actually arrived that had been missed off the list of being rearranged

Knowing how many "decent / experienced" members of staff that have left / been pushed over the past few years, I would be very concerned about how high the staff turnover is for a company that let's be fair isn't really that big in the business world.

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12 minutes ago, gornagain said:

I can imagine a bunch of farmers at the end of the stone age trying to understand the words used when some guy came along and tried to get people to dig into the hills for copper and tin.

This kind of job advert weeds out the unqualified effectively. if you don't understand the words (and that includes me) there is no need to apply.

Nowadays players don't train for 2 hours and spend the rest of the day in the pub. For better or for worse the world has changed.

Point in bold is irrelevant here. True but irrelevant.

The issue I and many others have with it is it's largely just buzzwords and symptomatic of many of the perceived problems at BS. How many season tickets go in to funding some Oxbridge **** being our 'brand manager', and do we actually need someone to 'create new brand positioning' or 'create buy in from consumers'?

What that screams to me then, if we accept your second paragraph, is that we're hiring people well versed in corporate speak and weasel words. Again, something that definitely does not create 'buy in'.

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Could be a clever recruitment tactic by BS...

Enabling them to quickly dismiss all initial respondents to this job ad, as NOT the sort of bull shitty, corporate speaking, defective DNA up their own arse local ***** that they definitely don't want in the organisation.

Therefore, having sorted out much of the chaff already with a spoof job ad,  the eventual drawing up of a short list will be much easier from applicants to the follow-up ad featuring the real job description which will be appearing shortly.

(Clever barstewards, down The Gate now mind, I can see what they've done here :thumbsup:)  

 

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55 minutes ago, NickJ said:

Obviously its supposed to mean Profit & Loss.

As per my original question, what the **** does this look like???!!!

Brand P&L. It's absurd.

You're not wrong- it's somewhat of a nonsense.

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It’s so piss poor it’s actually funny. Reads like something that Chris Morris would write as a spoof. And the grammar? Wow! BS really shouldn’t be letting stuff like this out if it wants to improve it’s B(b)rand! 

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26 minutes ago, Pongosmate said:

Win football matches and the brand takes care of itself . Lose football matches then you have to convince the fans to buy merchandise .

But one can only buy merchandise like shirts and clothing if it's in stock. Bris fans also not too happy that very little clothing available especially as Bris Rugby have now reBRANDed as the Bristol Bears. There's that word Brand again!

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13 hours ago, 54-46 said:

Now, I appreciate I am the wrong side of 40 and been in the same line of work since leaving school.

Haven’t had to apply for a job for a good few years, but this ad for a job as a Brand Manager would leave me floundering.

Seems like one for David Brent to me. 

 

D2B851E5-234B-4DFC-B1B5-2E50EB699F5D.jpeg

That takes buzz word bingo to a new level. Utter tosh.

Edited by Rich_s
A load of ****.
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“Line managing the brand executives”...... how many of them are there?   I must admit I can only add my agreement to those who have called this out as bollocks,  Brand P&L - I can only assume if you don’t show a profit on the P&L you’ll be out of the door!

I reckon I could do it, but they couldn’t afford me.  Wonder what the salary is like and how much is bonus based on the P&L.

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25 minutes ago, WhistleHappy said:

Could be a clever recruitment tactic by BS...

Enabling them to quickly dismiss all initial respondents to this job ad, as NOT the sort of bull shitty, corporate speaking, defective DNA up their own arse local ***** that they definitely don't want in the organisation.

Therefore, having sorted out much of the chaff already with a spoof job ad,  the eventual drawing up of a short list will be much easier from applicants to the follow-up ad featuring the real job description which will be appearing shortly.

(Clever barstewards, down The Gate now mind, I can see what they've done here :thumbsup:)  

 

It is more than likely that the specification has been written with one person in mind who will just happen to know the correct response to every requirement

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13 minutes ago, Maesknoll Red said:

“Line managing the brand executives”...... how many of them are there?   I must admit I can only add my agreement to those who have called this out as bollocks,  Brand P&L - I can only assume if you don’t show a profit on the P&L you’ll be out of the door!

I reckon I could do it, but they couldn’t afford me.  Wonder what the salary is like and how much is bonus based on the P&L.

Just read the whole job ad- you're probably right about the pay and bonus thing (always interesting when no salary listed on Job ad), as well as the P&L profit thing, but a 'Background in sporting' (sloppily written incidentally) is definitely deemed desirable on the full ad so that would rule a lot out- probably aimed at someone from another club with experience of a similar role. Still if you have sufficient experience etc, given it's deemed to be a 'Desirable' maybe it would be overlooked.

Edited by Mr Popodopolous

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2 minutes ago, Busterrimes said:

It is more than likely that the specification has been written with one person in mind who will just happen to know the correct response to every requirement

Helen Keller.

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OK I understand those putting forward the argument about how football has changed and City need to change with it, but I have two issues with what is happening to our club (1) The whole concept of BS which has well less than 100% focus on BCFC .  I still believe this will have long term negative impact on  BCFC, and (2) The whole amateur way BS and thus BCFC are being managed.  Having managed a business with in excess of a thousand people I believe I could cut something like 60% of the infrastructure staff and using their salaries offer proper remuneration to a smaller workforce who would be professionals at their jobs, plus I think I could still come our with a cash saving at the end of it.

If only I and other fans with relevant management experience plus Adam Baker could be given a week to cleanse the Augean stables that BS and BCFC have become.

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2 hours ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

I'm a critic of Bristol Sport, but like it or not (I don't much like it) the game is generally heading this way.

We have aspirations to be bigger than we are, so we are going down this road. Become a lot less a sport, a lot more a business last 30 years tbh...however Brand P&L is complete- well does that even exist??

However, they are applying pure business and marketing principles to football- which works up to a point, but in terms of market share etc for the level we are at? Nah. Pointless (Now if we're talking clubs with a big national, European or even global reach then things start to change but not Bristol City in the Championship)...

The issue is when they become solely focused on this and lose touch of actually looking after their fans. Does the word "brand" make you think of something inclusive, ethical and trustworthy? 

Before anyone says I'm dragging my feet, maybe I am, but the club should be looking to do more than just deliver "brand positioning" to convince fans to part with their cash. The way we've gone about things for years, and this, could co-exist. But Lansdown Jnr doesn't believe that's true.

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15 hours ago, 54-46 said:

Now, I appreciate I am the wrong side of 40 and been in the same line of work since leaving school.

Haven’t had to apply for a job for a good few years, but this ad for a job as a Brand Manager would leave me floundering.

Seems like one for David Brent to me. 

 

D2B851E5-234B-4DFC-B1B5-2E50EB699F5D.jpeg

I find it hard to take seriously, an outfit that has a flying fanny for a corporate logo.

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2 hours ago, gornagain said:

I can imagine a bunch of farmers at the end of the stone age trying to understand the words used when some guy came along and tried to get people to dig into the hills for copper and tin.

This kind of job advert weeds out the unqualified effectively. if you don't understand the words (and that includes me) there is no need to apply.

Nowadays players don't train for 2 hours and spend the rest of the day in the pub. For better or for worse the world has changed.

Sorry, can’t agree. Anyone who claims to understand that made up nonsense is bordering on unemployable. Not all change is for the better and inventing self-aggrandising job titles with made-up duties and accountabilities is a relly good example.

Plain English

- we want someone to add some new products to the Bristol Sport empire

- these products have to make a profit

- you will be accountable for identifying the new brands and making a profit out of them - legally, honestly and truthfully.

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3 minutes ago, Bianconeri said:

Sorry, can’t agree. Anyone who claims to understand that made up nonsense is bordering on unemployable. Not all change is for the better and inventing self-aggrandising job titles with made-up duties and accountabilities is a relly good example.

Plain English

- we want someone to add some new products to the Bristol Sport empire

- these products have to make a profit

- you will be accountable for identifying the new brands and making a profit out of them - legally, honestly and truthfully.

Yup, why use 500 words when 50 will do. I guess the school of thought is that sounds clever and important. As far as I’m concerned the exact opposite is the case.

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Job for Cotts?   (Don't we by law have to post that every time any kind of vacancy is mentioned)

 

TBH it looks like dozens of marketing jobs I've seen advertised in a variety of different companies. We may think "BBB" but that's the jargon those folk use. Every profession has got its own. I was in the Army a very long time ago, and there are guys there who speak jargon 24/7.

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2 hours ago, RonWalker said:

The issue is when they become solely focused on this and lose touch of actually looking after their fans. Does the word "brand" make you think of something inclusive, ethical and trustworthy? 

Before anyone says I'm dragging my feet, maybe I am, but the club should be looking to do more than just deliver "brand positioning" to convince fans to part with their cash. The way we've gone about things for years, and this, could co-exist. But Lansdown Jnr doesn't believe that's true.

It's just the way it's going tbh. Agree with a decent chunk of what you say but a quick look at https://www.jobsinfootball.com/find-job?search_string=marketing&search_location=, will suggest it's increasingly commonplace.

Tend to agree with @Red-Robbo on the jargon thing too.

38 minutes ago, Bianconeri said:

Sorry, can’t agree. Anyone who claims to understand that made up nonsense is bordering on unemployable. Not all change is for the better and inventing self-aggrandising job titles with made-up duties and accountabilities is a relly good example.

Plain English

- we want someone to add some new products to the Bristol Sport empire

- these products have to make a profit

 - you will be accountable for identifying the new brands and making a profit out of them - legally, honestly and truthfully.

I'd suggest there's more too it than that tbh, though I agree it's overdone. Applicants will be expected to make use of Google Analytics, Adwords and the rest listed (heard of the first 2, the rest not so much).

People won't like this point, but football is increasingly a business. Better or worse, it just is- basically it's now in a variety of respects a group of businesses competing and those with similar income etc? The best run businesses tend to come out the best.

More the football side, but have a lunchtime read of https://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/mar/09/premier-league-football-clubs-computer-analysts-managers-data-winning 

Or this. https://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2013/06/how-spreadsheet-wielding-geeks-are-taking-over-football

Edited by Mr Popodopolous
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Got to be the worst job advert in the world.  Can't we just keep this thread as a Bill Hicks tribute?  Just watched about 20 minutes of his clips thanks to this thread.

On a side note, because of that advert, I now have a hatred for Bristol Sport?  Is that a bit strange?

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10 minutes ago, reddogkev said:

Got to be the worst job advert in the world.  Can't we just keep this thread as a Bill Hicks tribute?  Just watched about 20 minutes of his clips thanks to this thread.

On a side note, because of that advert, I now have a hatred for Bristol Sport?  Is that a bit strange?

Worse examples available here:  https://www.coburgbanks.co.uk/blog/friday-funnies/10-of-the-worst-job-adverts-youll-ever-see/

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3 hours ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

Applicants will be expected to make use of Google Analytics, Adwords

AdWords ? What like Mugs, Suckers, Gullibles - that type of thing?

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