Invent a Football cliche

[Southport Red]

Right, not much actual stuff to talk about so let’s have some fun. 

Invent your own football saying cliche and let’s see if we can get a winner mentioned by some or other TV pundit.  

Can relate to anything in the game (tactics, formations, passages of play etc). When we get a winner we can start tweeting it etc and see how long until we get it adopted on TV as though it is an actual thing. I suggest we post the phrase then a definition, e.g.

 

“Passive Pressing”.

That stage in the game when your midfielders are too knackered to challenge for the ball. 

[downendcity]

Will this cliche thread go down like lead balloon and sink without trace?  

[Major Isewater]

Side Yardage - when your keeper kicks it straight out of play thus gaining distance up the side of the pitch .

More affectionately known as the ‘ Fielding ‘. 

Hart had three Fieldings in the first half .

 

[Leveller]

“Switching channels”

- where a quarterback type midfielder alternates diagonal balls to left and right channels.

On BBC or Sky.

[bcfcshorey]

Just any of the Alan Partridge ones

"Foot like a traction engine"

[Chivs]

"He's done a Rees-Mogg there Brian"

When a winger goes in for a full blooded challenge but pulls out at the last moment. 

[Bar BS3]

“He’s doing a Darrell Clarke there”

Suitable for any occasion where a player stops in play, in any area of the pitch, and manually manipulates a dog off...?! 

[A Horse With No Name]

The walk of  shame.

When a substituted player has to leave the field on the far side , and walk all the way round to the bench, often in front of opposing home supporters.

[Southport Red]

27 minutes ago, Bar BS3 said:

“He’s doing a Darrell Clarke there”

Suitable for any occasion where a player stops in play, in any area of the pitch, and manually manipulates a dog off...?! 

A good one @Bar BS3 but not sure it will be WIDELY used

[Richard Head]

"It's sunk in now." An alternative to the most meaningless question frequently asked by sports interviewers.

[Southport Red]

Feather-Crunched. 

When a contact that does not actually occur cause a 6’2” 13 stone man to plummet to earth, usually in or around the Penalty Area. 

[RiverRed]

"A false number 1"

Used to describe an outfield player that's been forced into wearing the goalkeeper jersey following a sending off.

[reddogkev]

'The referee has Bristol-Citied their penalty appeal again.'

When a referee brazenly denies a clear penalty to the attacking team - in light of the fact City are hardly ever awarded clear penalties. 

[steveybadger]

'De-silhouetting'. As in 'the defender de-silhouetted there and the penalty for handball was given.'

A moronic and inane word for a ridiculous law.

[steveybadger]

13 minutes ago, Southport Red said:

Feather-Crunched. 

When a contact that does not actually occur cause a 6’2” 13 stone man to plummet to earth, usually in or around the Penalty Area. 

Or the 'false gust!'

[RiverRed]

"A shcross"

Fomerly known as a 'cross-come-shot'. Rebranded as a 'shcross' to avoid confusion within the porn industry.

[Natchfever]

3 hours ago, Southport Red said:

Right, not much actual stuff to talk about so let’s have some fun. 

Invent your own football saying cliche and let’s see if we can get a winner mentioned by some or other TV pundit.  

Can relate to anything in the game (tactics, formations, passages of play etc). When we get a winner we can start tweeting it etc and see how long until we get it adopted on TV as though it is an actual thing. I suggest we post the phrase then a definition, e.g.

 

“Passive Pressing”.

That stage in the game when your midfielders are too knackered to challenge for the ball. 

Dominate downtown. (the centre)

So shit I can picture Paul Merson or Robbie Savage using it.

[pongo88]

“That’s a folderol” 

A nonsensical appeal for a penalty. 

“That’s a Parson Street”

Someone who starts falling outside of the penalty area, but continues falling into the area with the aim of claiming a penalty. (Based on the common practice of buying a rail ticket from Parson Street Station even if you start from somewhere else) 

[cityexile]

It’s a nailed on ETGoD penalty that

Minimal contact, clear dive, but ‘Entitled to go down’.

[Judda]

He's gone down like a cheap hooker....

No explanation needed.

[Davefevs]

Mo Salah has gone down in the area and Liverpool have been awarded a chance from the 0.79134 xG position.

and never heard before:

”he’s a got a sweet right peg”

[eardun]

A game of two thirds.

Like a game of two halves but for fans who leave early for drinks at half-time and before the final whistle.

[sephjnr]

10 minutes ago, eardun said:

A game of two thirds.

Like a game of two halves but for fans who leave early for drinks at half-time and before the final whistle.

Disqualified; duplicate of "Dolman Shuffle".

I'll take a Mr. Oven where a player leaves at speed at the final whistle as if he's just remembered leaving the oven on.

[reddogkev]

One pundit doing the match commentary says to the other:

'The ref needs a TV licence, he's looking at the var screen again.'

It's the newest cliché in the book.

[Midlands Robin]

When a team that is always the subject of a Sky sports commentry love in mysteriously loses the ball to their so called smaller opposition:

"that's clever play by Leeds they've gone for a reversed possession press"

[Chairman Mao]

'Woodward', named after Ed Woodward.

To spend huge amounts of money on utter dross. 

Example: 'fullham really woodwarded last summer'

 

[Bazooka Joe]

" Look at the size of that turd ! " (reference to anything related to Rovers)

[simon uk]

‘Lifes a ****’

just because.

[Sir Colby-Tit]

2 hours ago, Chairman Mao said:

'Woodward', named after Ed Woodward.

To spend huge amounts of money on utter dross. 

Example: 'fullham really woodwarded last summer'

 

Surely a "Woodward" would be used when a team scores The Equaliser? 

[Davefevs]

1 hour ago, Sir Colby-Tit said:

Surely a "Woodward" would be used when a team scores The Equaliser? 

Depends on the score, it’s a Desmond if it’s 2-2.