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ExiledAjax

International Men's Day

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People often ask if this is a thing, or when it is: well, it's today.

Most of the people on this forum are men; congratulations on being a man* and Happy International Men's Day to all of you..

Today is about considering, and being thankful for, all that men have done, are doing, and will do. The IMD site says that they want to focus on "Six Pillars". These are 1. Not buying anyone over the age of 24, 2. Investing in the Academy and Local Players...no, sorry, wrong pillars. The actual Six Pillars are:

  • To promote positive male role models; not just movie stars and sportsmen but everyday, working class men who are living decent, honest lives.
  • To celebrate men's positive contributions to society, community, family, marriage, child care, and to the environment.
  • To focus on men's health and wellbeing; social, emotional, physical and spiritual.
  • To highlight discrimination against men; in areas of social services, social attitudes and expectations, and law.
  • To improve gender relations and promote gender equality.
  • To create a safer, better world; where people can live free from harm and grow to reach their full potential

So look, we're all busy, we're all under pressure, we've all got things on our minds. We've all got people demanding things, expecting things, and asking things of us. For me, I think the first bullet point is the most critical. Don't judge yourself next to the blokes on the pitch or on the TV. It's honestly enough to be a good, hard-working bloke who looks after his little piece of the world well. If you're doing that, or if you're just trying to do that: well done. If you're not quite managing that right now then that's OK too, have a think, have a chat, try coming at it from a different angle, use another of your strengths.

This isn't any kind of profound or preachy post - I just thought that as a community of (mostly) men we should recognise today as something positive.

*If you're reading this and you're not a man, then congratulations on that as well.

Edited by ExiledAjax
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Great post that I'd give more likes if I could. I've signed up to Movember this year to try and help raise a little awareness and strike up conversations about men's mental health etc. After doing a bit of research I discovered that it's a very worthwhile Mo'vement. 

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Oops I missed this so a belated ‘Happy Day’ to all of you that qualify out there in otib-land! *

*And don’t forget, not many of you would have got where you are without a Good Woman 😀

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On 20 November 2019 at 13:01, RedM said:

a Good Woman

My daddy once told me about these. Apparently they are very rare. Do you know of any, RedM?  :P

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I helped put a short International Men’s Day event at work. As well as trying to accentuate the positives we also touched on some of the uncomfortable stuff e.g Suicide being the biggest killer of men under 50 and 1 in 3 men being the victim of domestic violence. I was staggered at how high the domestic violence figure is.

It got me thinking back to a conversation I had with a friend some years ago. We had drifted apart due to meeting women and we met up by complete chance one day. I’ll always remember how genuinely pleased to see me he was. We had a good catchup and promised to catch up again soon.  I didn’t tell him that I was living with a woman who used to attack me from time to time. He didn’t tell me that he was having real trouble getting access to his baby son.  I never saw him again as not long after he took his own life.  I just wonder if either of us had opened up about how things really were he might still be with us now, following City all round the country.  Men still find talking about ‘stuff’ difficult but hopefully days like this help.

wetalkclub.com is another positive group we tried to promote. 
 

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15 hours ago, MrBibs said:

I helped put a short International Men’s Day event at work. As well as trying to accentuate the positives we also touched on some of the uncomfortable stuff e.g Suicide being the biggest killer of men under 50 and 1 in 3 men being the victim of domestic violence. I was staggered at how high the domestic violence figure is.

It got me thinking back to a conversation I had with a friend some years ago. We had drifted apart due to meeting women and we met up by complete chance one day. I’ll always remember how genuinely pleased to see me he was. We had a good catchup and promised to catch up again soon.  I didn’t tell him that I was living with a woman who used to attack me from time to time. He didn’t tell me that he was having real trouble getting access to his baby son.  I never saw him again as not long after he took his own life.  I just wonder if either of us had opened up about how things really were he might still be with us now, following City all round the country.  Men still find talking about ‘stuff’ difficult but hopefully days like this help.

wetalkclub.com is another positive group we tried to promote. 
 

Thanks for sharing buddy, good on you!

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We men are pretty awful at speaking. Maybe it's fear of embarresment, maybe some think that nobody will care, but from personal experience of both what happened to me and my former house mate at uni and one of my closest friends, we've been able to talk about our problems and we battled through the troubles we've had. 

Some of you may not have seen my post in another thread but I found the body of a child that had been raped and bludgeoned to death in April 2018. Just 3 months after becoming a dad myself to a little girl. To know it happened in the park across the road from where I live and the culprit lived at the far end of the street really hit me in the aftermath.

Initially it didn't. I just bottled it up knowing that I had to call the police and stay there until they arrived. The entire time I was waiting, I was thinking that the culprit may well be in the area or the police may accuse me of doing it. Thankfully the police arrived pretty quick. Then I had to endure 3 hours of interrogation to rule me out. Having to re-live it in my head and explain it all again acted as a release valve because I got really really upset and down afterwards once it had finished. But with a loving wife and family, I got through it all. Some people dont have to to rely on. One of the paramedics who attended the scene was still receiving ptsd treatment in december according to the police that I spoke to once the trial started. Some people just deal with things differently and you have no idea how you'd react unless you were put in that scenario. 

My uni friend however, he suffered from depression when he was at secondary school, before he knew us. He never told us this until recently that he tried to take his own life but managed to turn his life around. But he started to take a downward spiral again after he got divorced so as I lived closest to him, I made it my own to check in on him more frequently. Didn't even have to be a "how are you?" - could just be talking about South Park, or telling him that villa are crap. Just something to get him talking knowing that he's OK.

I think we men instinctively go by the "no news is good news" way of life, whereas women do not. Some consider it being nosy (with my wife I do anyway) but ultimately speaking to someone could release an internal pressure and someone may give you a whole new perspective on how to approach a problem or help to deal with it. 

 

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18 minutes ago, The Batman said:

We men are pretty awful at speaking. Maybe it's fear of embarresment, maybe some think that nobody will care, but from personal experience of both what happened to me and my former house mate at uni and one of my closest friends, we've been able to talk about our problems and we battled through the troubles we've had. 

Some of you may not have seen my post in another thread but I found the body of a child that had been raped and bludgeoned to death in April 2018. Just 3 months after becoming a dad myself to a little girl. To know it happened in the park across the road from where I live and the culprit lived at the far end of the street really hit me in the aftermath.

Initially it didn't. I just bottled it up knowing that I had to call the police and stay there until they arrived. The entire time I was waiting, I was thinking that the culprit may well be in the area or the police may accuse me of doing it. Thankfully the police arrived pretty quick. Then I had to endure 3 hours of interrogation to rule me out. Having to re-live it in my head and explain it all again acted as a release valve because I got really really upset and down afterwards once it had finished. But with a loving wife and family, I got through it all. Some people dont have to to rely on. One of the paramedics who attended the scene was still receiving ptsd treatment in december according to the police that I spoke to once the trial started. Some people just deal with things differently and you have no idea how you'd react unless you were put in that scenario. 

My uni friend however, he suffered from depression when he was at secondary school, before he knew us. He never told us this until recently that he tried to take his own life but managed to turn his life around. But he started to take a downward spiral again after he got divorced so as I lived closest to him, I made it my own to check in on him more frequently. Didn't even have to be a "how are you?" - could just be talking about South Park, or telling him that villa are crap. Just something to get him talking knowing that he's OK.

I think we men instinctively go by the "no news is good news" way of life, whereas women do not. Some consider it being nosy (with my wife I do anyway) but ultimately speaking to someone could release an internal pressure and someone may give you a whole new perspective on how to approach a problem or help to deal with it. 

 

Shit... your story is one of those one in a million misfortunes. Most of us will never witness something like that and our minds aren't necessarily wired for it. Good for you for keeping yourself in a good state of mind and also for keeping an eye on the people around you. 

You're right, and personally, I don't share any of my concerns, problems, anxieties etc. I think I'm lucky that the gremlins in my mind are relatively small. If I ever encounter serious trauma, I don't have confidence that I'll respond in the best way. Hopefully I'll never have to!

 

Edited by mozo
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1 hour ago, The Batman said:

We men are pretty awful at speaking. Maybe it's fear of embarresment, maybe some think that nobody will care, but from personal experience of both what happened to me and my former house mate at uni and one of my closest friends, we've been able to talk about our problems and we battled through the troubles we've had. 

Some of you may not have seen my post in another thread but I found the body of a child that had been raped and bludgeoned to death in April 2018. Just 3 months after becoming a dad myself to a little girl. To know it happened in the park across the road from where I live and the culprit lived at the far end of the street really hit me in the aftermath.

Initially it didn't. I just bottled it up knowing that I had to call the police and stay there until they arrived. The entire time I was waiting, I was thinking that the culprit may well be in the area or the police may accuse me of doing it. Thankfully the police arrived pretty quick. Then I had to endure 3 hours of interrogation to rule me out. Having to re-live it in my head and explain it all again acted as a release valve because I got really really upset and down afterwards once it had finished. But with a loving wife and family, I got through it all. Some people dont have to to rely on. One of the paramedics who attended the scene was still receiving ptsd treatment in december according to the police that I spoke to once the trial started. Some people just deal with things differently and you have no idea how you'd react unless you were put in that scenario. 

My uni friend however, he suffered from depression when he was at secondary school, before he knew us. He never told us this until recently that he tried to take his own life but managed to turn his life around. But he started to take a downward spiral again after he got divorced so as I lived closest to him, I made it my own to check in on him more frequently. Didn't even have to be a "how are you?" - could just be talking about South Park, or telling him that villa are crap. Just something to get him talking knowing that he's OK.

I think we men instinctively go by the "no news is good news" way of life, whereas women do not. Some consider it being nosy (with my wife I do anyway) but ultimately speaking to someone could release an internal pressure and someone may give you a whole new perspective on how to approach a problem or help to deal with it. 

 

I was chatting to (well messaging) a friend of mine just 2 days ago. We were talking about what was going on in our respective lives, some of it quite dark, and he let on that he had been suffering from mild depression for some time, but didn't talk about it for fear of coming across overly dramatic. He said he just was overwhelmed to breaking point and crashed in floods of tears at work one day, felt a massive pressure release and that has enabled him to deal with it better, and talk to people about it. It sounds terribly cliched and glib, but taking the first step and opening up to someone else is a hugely positive move. Life is way too short to be battling demons solo.

Edited by One Team In Keynsham
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On 19/11/2019 at 16:09, joe jordans teeth said:

Make the most of it men because once the politically correct get the hump it will be outlawed

Make the most of it? It happens every year! You can enjoy it forever. 

Richard Herring makes fund of the anti-PC snowflakes every year on Twitter. He responds to all those tweets on International Women's Day from men saying rubbish like "Women's Day?! They don't have a mens day, do they. PC gone mad..." 

Well they do! And Herring pokes fun at these people and raises money for charity in the process.

 

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