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It's time to move on from officially grieving.


Prinny

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I've thought a lot about posting this. I'm calm after the game. I'm not using it as an excuse as to why we lost.

I'm not telling YOU how YOU should feel. But I want to club to move on.

Officially, no more t-shirts, no more applause, no more arm bands, time to focus on the football. The thing that's meant to provide entertainment to people who want a distraction from the horrors of the world, not a reminder.

Thinking about a dead child is not conducive to motivating players to win football games. It's not helpful in lifting a crowd. It's not entertaining, it's not fun, it's not football.

As a club it's time to move on. I fully understand if individuals are struggling. They should go get the help they need/be allowed time off or whatever it takes.

It really puts things into perspective... is the key phrase. We as fans shouldn't want perspective. Football while football is happening should be everything. That's why it exists.

As a club it's time to compartmentalise.

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Clearly people at the club would have been affected by recent events, seeing the poor little girls pretty face on the giant screen really hammered home how young she was. 

I do wonder if it impacted our players last night and goes someway to why so many were off their game last night? 

Is it correct that Benik was at the game last night? 

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2 minutes ago, phantom said:

Clearly people at the club would have been affected by recent events, seeing the poor little girls pretty face on the giant screen really hammered home how young she was. 

I do wonder if it impacted our players last night and goes someway to why so many were off their game last night? 

Is it correct that Benik was at the game last night? 

I believe he was there.

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1 minute ago, phantom said:

Clearly people at the club would have been affected by recent events, seeing the poor little girls pretty face on the giant screen really hammered home how young she was. 

I do wonder if it impacted our players last night and goes someway to why so many were off their game last night? 

Is it correct that Benik was at the game last night? 

Yeah he was,  at least before the game. LJ confirmed in the press conference.

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Emotions were running high with the constant chanting of Afobe's name and the minutes applause. It may well have affected the players state of mind. It certainly affected mine and maybe went some way to affecting the (lack of ) atmosphere last night. We have mourned and recognised an awful tragedy and now as a club we must move on again starting with Blackburn on Saturday.  

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It was right to do something at the first home game since the tragic events were announced, it may have cost us, we'll never know but if it help comfort the Afobe's knowing what support they have from our club then I'm happy to take the hit.

I'm sure everything from now on will be done privately.

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At Rovers earlier this season there was a game where there were 3 separate rounds of applause for recently deceased fans , I have lost count how many there have been in total (some for people I have known and a couple for very close friends) and there were suggestions that we should mark the death of Benik Afobe's child in some way. 

Where do you draw the line? Every death has a huge impact on immediate family and loved ones but I'm not sure a football match is the place to acknowledge this, especially bearing in mind that nearly everyone in the crowd would not have known the people affected.

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2 hours ago, phantom said:

Clearly people at the club would have been affected by recent events, seeing the poor little girls pretty face on the giant screen really hammered home how young she was. 

I do wonder if it impacted our players last night and goes someway to why so many were off their game last night? 

Is it correct that Benik was at the game last night? 

Pretty sure he appears briefly on the highlights on the OS.

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15 minutes ago, Drew Peacock said:

Wow.

I am not a fan of minutes of applause, particularly for random fans, but thought a minute before kick off was appropriate in this case (although I prefer a minutes silence), not sure about the second round of applause though.

I believe the 2nd one was organised by the fans but for me i think its important ppl remember life is bigger than football . 

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2 hours ago, Prinny said:

I've thought a lot about posting this. I'm calm after the game. I'm not using it as an excuse as to why we lost.

I'm not telling YOU how YOU should feel. But I want to club to move on.

Officially, no more t-shirts, no more applause, no more arm bands, time to focus on the football. The thing that's meant to provide entertainment to people who want a distraction from the horrors of the world, not a reminder.

Thinking about a dead child is not conducive to motivating players to win football games. It's not helpful in lifting a crowd. It's not entertaining, it's not fun, it's not football.

As a club it's time to move on. I fully understand if individuals are struggling. They should go get the help they need/be allowed time off or whatever it takes.

It really puts things into perspective... is the key phrase. We as fans shouldn't want perspective. Football while football is happening should be everything. That's why it exists.

As a club it's time to compartmentalise.

Couldn't disagree more. It was completely the right thing to do and it's still only about two weeks ago that the afobe family lost there daughter. 

Who are you to say it's time to stop grieving after two weeks...... Seriously I couldn't care if we don't win another game all season, the picture of a dead two year old girl on the big screen at Ashton gate last night should put everything into perspective. 

 

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3 hours ago, phantom said:

Clearly people at the club would have been affected by recent events, seeing the poor little girls pretty face on the giant screen really hammered home how young she was. 

I do wonder if it impacted our players last night and goes someway to why so many were off their game last night? 

Is it correct that Benik was at the game last night? 

 

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16 minutes ago, Spoons said:

Couldn't disagree more. It was completely the right thing to do and it's still only about two weeks ago that the afobe family lost there daughter. 

Who are you to say it's time to stop grieving after two weeks...... Seriously I couldn't care if we don't win another game all season, the picture of a dead two year old girl on the big screen at Ashton gate last night should put everything into perspective. 

 

Obviously the death of a small child is far more important than a football match, but sadly it happens every day and I am not sure it is healthy or appropriate for public outpourings of 'grief' when people don't actually know the people involved. I don't think you will find anyone who doesn't acknowledge the fact that it is a very, very sad situation, but it has little to do with football and it is probably best to just leave the family to their own way of dealing with it.

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1 minute ago, Miah Dennehy said:

Obviously the death of a small child is far more important than a football match, but sadly it happens every day and I am not sure it is healthy or appropriate for public outpourings of 'grief' when people don't actually know the people involved. I don't think you will find anyone who doesn't acknowledge the fact that it is a very, very sad situation, but it has little to do with football and it is probably best to just leave the family to their own way of dealing with it.

So just ignore it and don't speak about it. This is 2019 not 1910 ! 

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I'm surprised it would affect player's performances so negatively, at least for most of them. I would more expect it to spur them on. But that's not a criticism. 

I speak as a father whose son is 16. In his short life he's endured the passing of several team mates and close friends. It generally serves to heighten his and his team mate's determination. 

 

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3 hours ago, Prinny said:

I've thought a lot about posting this. I'm calm after the game. I'm not using it as an excuse as to why we lost.

I'm not telling YOU how YOU should feel. But I want to club to move on.

Officially, no more t-shirts, no more applause, no more arm bands, time to focus on the football. The thing that's meant to provide entertainment to people who want a distraction from the horrors of the world, not a reminder.

Thinking about a dead child is not conducive to motivating players to win football games. It's not helpful in lifting a crowd. It's not entertaining, it's not fun, it's not football.

As a club it's time to move on. I fully understand if individuals are struggling. They should go get the help they need/be allowed time off or whatever it takes.

It really puts things into perspective... is the key phrase. We as fans shouldn't want perspective. Football while football is happening should be everything. That's why it exists.

As a club it's time to compartmentalise.

Although your post runs the risk of accusations of insensitivity, I do wonder if you make a very good point. There is an ideal "arousal" state for players to perform to their potential - too high or too low and they will be unable to perform to the required red levels of intensity, commitment, and everything else.

I would imagine some might've experienced low arousal levels and difficulty with focus. It's possible. One point against this idea is that it is not the first time we have seen this manner of performance at home this season. 

 

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1 hour ago, CotswoldRed said:

I'm surprised it would affect player's performances so negatively, at least for most of them. I would more expect it to spur them on. But that's not a criticism. 

I speak as a father whose son is 16. In his short life he's endured the passing of several team mates and close friends. It generally serves to heighten his and his team mate's determination. 

 

It kind of felt the performance and way we battled at Fulham was the game where the team were doing it for Benik and his family 

But with him and his wife being around the dressing room area before the game I can't believe there were not tears shed

1 hour ago, exAtyeoMax said:

I think seeing her little face made you think about her, as opposed to just her family and her dad. That little girl's chance of life was taken away from her, seeing her up on the screen made her real to me. 

 

Spot on how I felt, seeing the photo on the screen definitely left a lump in my throat 

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12 hours ago, ralphindevon said:

It was right to do something at the first home game since the tragic events were announced, it may have cost us, we'll never know but if it help comfort the Afobe's knowing what support they have from our club then I'm happy to take the hit.

I'm sure everything from now on will be done privately.

This.

Would be pretty shitty if the club didn’t do a single thing to show their support for Benik and his family. Also for those thinking whether a minutes applause was acceptable or not, the club would of asked Benik before arranging anything.

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