Dean Holden’s tragic past

[The Exiled Robin]

53 minutes ago, Prinny said:

In modern football I would not be at all surprised if this (having it in the media at this time, obviously not having his kid die...) is a cynical attempt to get the fans more on side. Or at least not so critical.

This should not change your reaction to his appointment one bit.

If people need someones kid to die for them to realise their humanity then there's something wrong with them.

But also, if you can't separate someones tragic past from your opinion on whether or not they make a good choice as a football manager, there's something wrong with you too.

It hasn’t been “brought into the media” by anyone other than me, as I thought it would be good for people to  read for the reasons outlined in previous replies.

 

[Prinny]

1 hour ago, The Exiled Robin said:

Pretty pertinent part of our new manager’s life I’d say? A few were asking on social media what the references in interviews were to what he’d been through.

And I thought it might help people realise there’s a real person at the centre of all the arguments and comments 

 

8 minutes ago, The Exiled Robin said:

It hasn’t been “brought into the media” by anyone other than me, as I thought it would be good for people to  read for the reasons outlined in previous replies.

 

 

[Red Skin]

48 minutes ago, Davefevs said:

 

I'd imagine anyone that has lost a child so tragically thinks about it each and every day.   They don't need reminding.

I heard this first in a radio interview he did a few years back.  Talking can't be easy, but it's important to do.  It helps heal and I'm sure helps others coping with tragedy.

I'm sure he'll have some tough times as city manager, not least abuse on here and social media for some tactical error or selection mistake.   None of that will compare to what he's been through.   Wish him every success.   

 

 

[RedM]

I had forgotten about his personal tragedy until I was reminded by the post on here yesterday. I still think he is the wrong person for the job, but the decision to appoint him is more wrong.

Unless what has happened to Dean has a huge daily impact on his professional life what happened in his personal life should stay as separate as possible. I don’t mean this in a nasty way, just haven’t got the words to explain that he should be offered no slack with what happens on the pitch.

He seems a decent bloke, popular and respected by the players we are told. If so what has he been doing for the past four years or whatever? Is Dean being held up as a ‘good person’ to Lee’s bad? Was Lee’s hold so strong Dean had all the wonderful ideas but wasn’t allowed or encouraged to implement them, was he a yes man to Lee during all that time and as soon as he saw an opportunity got his job and got rid of Jamie Mac? 

Something doesn’t feel right to me. I wish him well but I feel so distanced at the moment and it’s just not that we aren’t physically involved right now.

[bcfc01]

5 minutes ago, RedM said:

I had forgotten about his personal tragedy until I was reminded by the post on here yesterday. I still think he is the wrong person for the job, but the decision to appoint him is more wrong.

He seems a decent bloke, popular and respected by the players we are told. If so what has he been doing for the past four years or whatever? Is Dean being held up as a ‘good person’ to Lee’s bad? Was Lee’s hold so strong Dean had all the wonderful ideas but wasn’t allowed or encouraged to implement them, was he a yes man to Lee during all that time and as soon as he saw an opportunity got his job and got rid of Jamie Mac? 

Something doesn’t feel right to me. I wish him well but I feel so distanced at the moment and it’s just not that we aren’t physically involved right now.

One of the things DH said in his interviews indicate that it wasn't him who was the yes man - "I wouldn't bring in a mate as an assistant to agree with everything I do" (may be paraphrasing but that was the gist). Maybe I'm wrong but that would seem to be a bit of a dig at Macca and DH confirmed that it was him that terminated his employment. Two against one maybe ?

 

[RedM]

Just now, bcfc01 said:

One of the things DH said in his interviews indicate that it wasn't him who was the yes man - "I wouldn't bring in a mate as an assistant to agree with everything I do" (may be paraphrasing but that was the gist). Maybe I'm wrong but that would seem to be a bit of a dig at Macca and DH confirmed that it was him that terminated his employment. Two against one maybe ?

 

Interesting. I have seen very little of the interviews and hadn’t heard that. Would make sense why Jamie was dispatched, but if the club wanted the yes man why didn’t they go for Jamie Mac to take temp charge and get rid of the possibly questioning Holden when Lee went and the seamlessly slot Jamie in place? 

[bcfc01]

1 minute ago, RedM said:

Interesting. I have seen very little of the interviews and hadn’t heard that. Would make sense why Jamie was dispatched, but if the club wanted the yes man why didn’t they go for Jamie Mac to take temp charge and get rid of the possibly questioning Holden when Lee went and the seamlessly slot Jamie in place? 

Holden was always highly thought of internally (maybe more than LJ ?), hence being the caretaker manager when LJ left - they wouldn't give the permanent job to Macca after Holden had been care taker with a bit of success. I'm coming round to the idea that Holden is of sound stuff and he'll grab this opportunity and won't let it drift away.

I didn't want this outcome and I certainly didn't expect it, but I'll be willing him to be successful and supporting him 100%.

[Guest]

I hummed and harred about commenting on this.

Having gone through this myself I find posts like this exasperating (the best word I can think of at this moment). I know the OP and others are full of good intentions but sometimes threads like this grate (again, I will repeat, I believe the intention of the OP is genuinely written with good intentions).

Losses like this are intensely personal/private and everyone deals with it in their own way. For me, I've done my crying, suffered my sense of loss and I hardly talk about it anymore. This does not mean that I don't get caught out out by silly things, have moments where a raw nerve is touched or have my private moments of reflection (I generally keep this very deeply buried inside). It is just my way of dealing with it.

I can't talk for Dean but I suspect that he appreciates the good wishes etc., but ultimately, this is a football forum and not some peep show into someones loss. Mods, I would prefer that it is moved off the main thread.

[cidered abroad]

8 hours ago, wendyredredrobin said:

I know we've all suffered our own tragedies and losses, but losing a child has to be about the most upsetting thing that can happen to anyone.

I agree that when death goes out of the normal order, it is the death of a young child which is the hardest to bear. I read the article just after he joined us and realized that Dean had to have a tough streak in his character to continue his life in a positive way.

[cidered abroad]

2 hours ago, bcfcfinker said:

I hummed and harred about commenting on this.

Having gone through this myself I find posts like this exasperating (the best word I can think of at this moment). I know the OP and others are full of good intentions but sometimes threads like this grate (again, I will repeat, I believe the intention of the OP is genuinely written with good intentions).

Losses like this are intensely personal/private and everyone deals with it in their own way. For me, I've done my crying, suffered my sense of loss and I hardly talk about it anymore. This does not mean that I don't get caught out out by silly things, have moments where a raw nerve is touched or have my private moments of reflection (I generally keep this very deeply buried inside). It is just my way of dealing with it.

I can't talk for Dean but I suspect that he appreciates the good wishes etc., but ultimately, this is a football forum and not some peep show into someones loss. Mods, I would prefer that it is moved off the main thread.

Why move it? I suspect he will feel quite proud to hear about our positive comments on his character.

[Port Said Red]

2 hours ago, bcfcfinker said:

I hummed and harred about commenting on this.

Having gone through this myself I find posts like this exasperating (the best word I can think of at this moment). I know the OP and others are full of good intentions but sometimes threads like this grate (again, I will repeat, I believe the intention of the OP is genuinely written with good intentions).

Losses like this are intensely personal/private and everyone deals with it in their own way. For me, I've done my crying, suffered my sense of loss and I hardly talk about it anymore. This does not mean that I don't get caught out out by silly things, have moments where a raw nerve is touched or have my private moments of reflection (I generally keep this very deeply buried inside). It is just my way of dealing with it.

I can't talk for Dean but I suspect that he appreciates the good wishes etc., but ultimately, this is a football forum and not some peep show into someones loss. Mods, I would prefer that it is moved off the main thread.

Sound words sir and I am sure those of us lucky to have been spared a tragedy like this can only guess at how it affects one day to day.

Personally, I was glad it was brought back into the limelight, not for a mawkish reason, but because I think within the article, there is much to admire in the mans character.

Desperate to get back to work, having to convince Dean Smith that he was mentally prepared for football again, and also apparently concerned that his revelation had upset the interviewer, rather than looking for sympathy. I found all that very impressive.

[The Exiled Robin]

5 hours ago, bcfcfinker said:

I hummed and harred about commenting on this.

Having gone through this myself I find posts like this exasperating (the best word I can think of at this moment). I know the OP and others are full of good intentions but sometimes threads like this grate (again, I will repeat, I believe the intention of the OP is genuinely written with good intentions).

Losses like this are intensely personal/private and everyone deals with it in their own way. For me, I've done my crying, suffered my sense of loss and I hardly talk about it anymore. This does not mean that I don't get caught out out by silly things, have moments where a raw nerve is touched or have my private moments of reflection (I generally keep this very deeply buried inside). It is just my way of dealing with it.

I can't talk for Dean but I suspect that he appreciates the good wishes etc., but ultimately, this is a football forum and not some peep show into someones loss. Mods, I would prefer that it is moved off the main thread.

Sorry for your loss and trauma, it’s a loss the rest of us can only imagine.

I appreciate you understood the intentions, but the two main reasons I brought it up were to hopefully remind some of the more abusive fans that there’s a real person with guts, determination and emotions they’re attacking, and also as @Port Said Red mentions below, because I actually think it demonstrated a lot about his character.

Additionally, he did the original interview - it isn’t just an outsider’s report - so was happy for his private grief to become more public.

 

[ZiderEyed]

I've heard the story before, but unashamed to say I've wept reading that. Heartbreaking. 

[Red Skin]

15 minutes ago, The Exiled Robin said:

Sorry for your loss and trauma, it’s a loss the rest of us can only imagine.

I appreciate you understood the intentions, but the two main reasons I brought it up were to hopefully remind some of the more abusive fans that there’s a real person with guts, determination and emotions they’re attacking, and also as @Port Said Red mentions below, because I actually think it demonstrated a lot about his character.

Additionally, he did the original interview - it isn’t just an outsider’s report - so was happy for his private grief to become more public.

 

Agree with your reasons.  

When someone has lived through this kind of tragedy, it highlights what is really important in life.  Sense of perspective has been sadly lacking on here of late.

[City37]

12 hours ago, Fordy62 said:

I don’t want to read this. I want to go through life thinking that nothing of the sort could happen to me. 

I wish him all the best. I hope he’s out most successful manager ever. 

With all the shit of this year and some of the posts on this forum of late - this is a nice post and exactley how I feel.

[Alan Dicks' Barmy Army]

12 hours ago, The Exiled Robin said:

I appreciate you understood the intentions, but the two main reasons I brought it up were to hopefully remind some of the more abusive fans that there’s a real person with guts, determination and emotions they’re attacking, and also as @Port Said Red mentions below, because I actually think it demonstrated a lot about his character.

Additionally, he did the original interview - it isn’t just an outsider’s report - so was happy for his private grief to become more public.

The problem is, it is not relevant to his appointment and the way you worded the post /tweet was almost like, you can't be angry at Dean because he had gone through an horrific personal tragedy in the past

He did the interview back in December 2012 at a previous club in a completely unrelated time, and the reasons for why it was done don't need to be brought up now

Just for context Danielle (Dean's wife) and sister Jodie have stayed back in Broadstairs until today to keep them away from the expected comments that would appear on social media and local press, and there were concerns within the family that this story would be needlessly brought up again.

Like I say to me (and I can't be the only one) it reads like you only brought the story up to try and stir up people not to be negative to Dean because of a personal tragedy many years ago.

Do the forum a favour and don't bring up personal tragedies of others recently employed too

[City1970]

On 11/08/2020 at 11:37, wendyredredrobin said:

I know we've all suffered our own tragedies and losses, but losing a child has to be about the most upsetting thing that can happen to anyone.

I can assure you, it is.