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Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!


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Having a bit of a rubbish time at the moment. Have just gone from seeing loads of friends every day to moving back to Bristol and not having many friends here at all. I'm waiting to start a new job at the moment so I'm sat around at home doing nothing all day. I know it's just a big change that I need to get used to but it's really hit home now that I have a spare ticket for Cardiff and can't find a single person to go with!! Just wanted to have a little vent, hope you're all doing okay x

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21 hours ago, littlered said:

Having a bit of a rubbish time at the moment. Have just gone from seeing loads of friends every day to moving back to Bristol and not having many friends here at all. I'm waiting to start a new job at the moment so I'm sat around at home doing nothing all day. I know it's just a big change that I need to get used to but it's really hit home now that I have a spare ticket for Cardiff and can't find a single person to go with!! Just wanted to have a little vent, hope you're all doing okay x

Sorry to hear that. I'm going through a similar bout of loneliness myself. Currently I'm living on my own in a far flung corner of the world. My wife and 3 month old son are back in the UK visiting family...and that's also where all my family and real, old, friends are. It's been 18 months since I saw 95% of those people as well - thanks to Covid.

I have a few friends here but people you've known for a year or two never really compare to those you've known for 20 years, or your family.

I'm joining my wife and son in the UK in 3 weeks' time, but this weekend I struggled a bit with feeling pretty disconnected from the world. Like you I was mostly sat around the flat all day doing not very much. Honestly, reading the thread about Nagy's homesickness has hurt a little bit as well.

I'm jealous of you even being able to go to the Cardiff game!

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On 15/08/2021 at 01:14, Tre Bong said:

I'm done...really done...sorry guys and gals but i don't want to live in this ****** up world any more. I have set a date on the 23rd (my 43rd birthday), i have the BBQ  and the vodka ready. 

****

YOU 

ALL

Today is the 23rd. Happy Birthday to you. 

Please let us know that you decided to do something else with this great day. I'm thinking of you today.

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2 hours ago, ExiledAjax said:

Sorry to hear that. I'm going through a similar bout of loneliness myself. Currently I'm living on my own in a far flung corner of the world. My wife and 3 month old son are back in the UK visiting family...and that's also where all my family and real, old, friends are. It's been 18 months since I saw 95% of those people as well - thanks to Covid.

I have a few friends here but people you've known for a year or two never really compare to those you've known for 20 years, or your family.

I'm joining my wife and son in the UK in 3 weeks' time, but this weekend I struggled a bit with feeling pretty disconnected from the world. Like you I was mostly sat around the flat all day doing not very much. Honestly, reading the thread about Nagy's homesickness has hurt a little bit as well.

I'm jealous of you even being able to go to the Cardiff game!

Covid has been difficult and has isolated a lot of people, I was very lucky to be living with family and friends throughout so I can't begin to imagine how it's been for you! 

I hope that being able to join your wife and son gives you something to look forward to. I do think it's lovely that there's a thread like this for people struggling with things. I hope you're doing okay!

I've not decided if I'm going to go alone yet or sell the tickets! Although not sure watching us get slapped around by Flint will help with the low mood!? 

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20 minutes ago, littlered said:

Covid has been difficult and has isolated a lot of people, I was very lucky to be living with family and friends throughout so I can't begin to imagine how it's been for you! 

I hope that being able to join your wife and son gives you something to look forward to. I do think it's lovely that there's a thread like this for people struggling with things. I hope you're doing okay!

I've not decided if I'm going to go alone yet or sell the tickets! Although not sure watching us get slapped around by Flint will help with the low mood!? 

Thanks. I'm ok, I'll see them all in a few weeks - I am in the UK fro nearly two months so should be able to catch up with everyone.

My experience of moving to a new place (or back to an old one in your case) is that in those first 6 months or so you just say "yes" to everyone and every opportunity that comes your way. You might have the odd awful dinner, or bad date, or rubbish away day - but you'll make many more friends than you would sitting in your flat saying "no". Therefore, my advice - and feel free to ignore it - is to go. Go with an open mind and, if you're comfortable with it, then feel free to approach/talk to fellow City fans at the game, especially once you're in your seat. Most humans will reciprocate a friendly chat.

I've done solo away days many times before. I don't actually have many City supporting mates so, especially when I lived in London, I'd quite often go on my own to the less fashionable grounds. I could get a mate to come to Fulham...but weirdly no one fancied Charlton or Leyton Orient quite as much. I won't lie and tell you I've made life-long friends, but I have had many great conversations, and learned a lot about our varied fanbase.

By the time our third goal flies in you'll all be hugging each other anyway.

Edited by ExiledAjax
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1 hour ago, ExiledAjax said:

Thanks. I'm ok, I'll see them all in a few weeks - I am in the UK fro nearly two months so should be able to catch up with everyone.

My experience of moving to a new place (or back to an old one in your case) is that in those first 6 months or so you just say "yes" to everyone and every opportunity that comes your way. You might have the odd awful dinner, or bad date, or rubbish away day - but you'll make many more friends than you would sitting in your flat saying "no". Therefore, my advice - and feel free to ignore it - is to go. Go with an open mind and, if you're comfortable with it, then feel free to approach/talk to fellow City fans at the game, especially once you're in your seat. Most humans will reciprocate a friendly chat.

I've done solo away days many times before. I don't actually have many City supporting mates so, especially when I lived in London, I'd quite often go on my own to the less fashionable grounds. I could get a mate to come to Fulham...but weirdly no one fancied Charlton or Leyton Orient quite as much. I won't lie and tell you I've made life-long friends, but I have had many great conversations, and learned a lot about our varied fanbase.

By the time our third goal flies in you'll all be hugging each other anyway.

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it! Think I will follow your advice and just go for it. Plus its been long enough since a cardiff away game, be silly to miss it!?

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On 22/08/2021 at 19:33, littlered said:

Having a bit of a rubbish time at the moment. Have just gone from seeing loads of friends every day to moving back to Bristol and not having many friends here at all. I'm waiting to start a new job at the moment so I'm sat around at home doing nothing all day. I know it's just a big change that I need to get used to but it's really hit home now that I have a spare ticket for Cardiff and can't find a single person to go with!! Just wanted to have a little vent, hope you're all doing okay x

@littlered

The wonderful thing that following a football, or rugby, team is that everyone at the game is a potential friend.

My father always told me while I was young that "He/Her that travels alone, travels fastest". In other words, don't wait for someone to go with you as while you travel, you meet people.

My best example with reference to City goes back to August 1959. I was 16 and went on my own by train to Sheffield leaving Temple Meads at 1 am in night. To change trains for Scunthorpe meant a ten minute walk to a different station and in that ten minutes, I met a lifelong friend. His name Bob Fricker. His friendship introduced me to many other young City fans who lived in South Bristol, I lived in Filton, including a very young Chris Garland.

Inevitability, like ships in the night, you may lose them as close friends, but with a football club, you keep them and add others.

So don't be afraid to go on your own. The Liverpool anthem says it all. "You'll never walk alone".

PS. Did you enjoy the win ?

Edited by cidered abroad
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Advice. We are bombarded with it every day - from magazines and adverts to well-meaning friends and colleagues. But only very rarely do we find advice that is life-changing. Three pieces of advice stand out as having a particularly positive and lasting impact on my life.

1 To heal your body, sort your head out first. Our mental health has a far bigger impact on our physical health than most of us - including the mainstream medical profession - have yet realised.

2 For big life choices, listen to your heart more than your head. When a change or opportunity comes up just ask - which of these things fills me with most energy and enthusiasm? Then choose to do that thing, whatever it is.

3 Spend more time with people you love, doing things you care about. Just take a moment to imagine that you are nearing the end of your life. Now, picture what that would be like and how you would feel looking back over all the highs and lows; the achievements and sorrows. Then ask yourself: "What advice would your future self give you about what really matters now?"

So my third piece of life-changing advice follows from having done this. It is, spend more time with people you love, doing things you care about. It is too easy to become increasingly consumed by work meaning there simply is not enough for your family.

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On 31/08/2021 at 09:48, cidered abroad said:

@littlered

The wonderful thing that following a football, or rugby, team is that everyone at the game is a potential friend.

My father always told me while I was young that "He/Her that travels alone, travels fastest". In other words, don't wait for someone to go with you as while you travel, you meet people.

My best example with reference to City goes back to August 1959. I was 16 and went on my own by train to Sheffield leaving Temple Meads at 1 am in night. To change trains for Scunthorpe meant a ten minute walk to a different station and in that ten minutes, I met a lifelong friend. His name Bob Fricker. His friendship introduced me to many other young City fans who lived in South Bristol, I lived in Filton, including a very young Chris Garland.

Inevitability, like ships in the night, you may lose them as close friends, but with a football club, you keep them and add others.

So don't be afraid to go on your own. The Liverpool anthem says it all. "You'll never walk alone".

PS. Did you enjoy the win ?

Thanks for your interesting story.

Out of curiosity, is your friend any relation to the former (excellent) local referee, Len Fricker.

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Good to see this thread here just took me a while to post. As we know people who are struggling can really struggle to access advice about money, housing, services and other helpful information. 

It might be helpful to have a list of services and support that are available for people to access in Bristol. I will have a look as there are likely already resources like this, but if not I am happy to put together a small list of organisations I have used and then we can add to it as we go if people feel this would be helpful. 

Caring in Bristol actually have a great survival handbook mainly aimed at homeless people but is very useful for this. 

https://caringinbristol.co.uk/project/caring-handbook/

I'd also really recommend the North Bristol Advice centre if anyone has questions about money or benefits - http://www.northbristoladvice.org.uk/

There is also a really good guide on turn 2 us for claiming PIP: 

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Personal-Independence-Payment/What-is-PIP

If there are general questions around access to services and benefits/housing then I'd be happy to help if I can with the caveat that I'm not an expert though have some work and personal experience of both.   Don't always drop into threads so feel free to PM. 

Edited by Rebounder
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On 02/09/2021 at 22:14, PHILINFRANCE said:

Thanks for your interesting story.

Out of curiosity, is your friend any relation to the former (excellent) local referee, Len Fricker.

@PHILINFRANCE

To best of my knowledge I don't think so. Rob Fricker was a Bemmy boy who grew up in a street off East Street. He was the Steward of the Supporters Club for many years.

I worked in same company, Colodense in West Street with Len Fricker. He refereed a Glos Cup Final at Ashton Gate in late 60's or early 70's and we gave him some strong verbals the next day because he seemed to have favoured the Gas who won.

How different then to now. I stood in the Covered End with a Gas work colleague.

 

 

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1 hour ago, cidered abroad said:

@PHILINFRANCE

To best of my knowledge I don't think so. Rob Fricker was a Bemmy boy who grew up in a street off East Street. He was the Steward of the Supporters Club for many years.

I worked in same company, Colodense in West Street with Len Fricker. He refereed a Glos Cup Final at Ashton Gate in late 60's or early 70's and we gave him some strong verbals the next day because he seemed to have favoured the Gas who won.

How different then to now. I stood in the Covered End with a Gas work colleague.

 

 

I was friendly with a family called Fricker in Adelaide. They came from around Bemmy. Unusual name so probably related.

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On 04/09/2021 at 08:39, cidered abroad said:

@PHILINFRANCE

To best of my knowledge I don't think so. Rob Fricker was a Bemmy boy who grew up in a street off East Street. He was the Steward of the Supporters Club for many years.

I worked in same company, Colodense in West Street with Len Fricker. He refereed a Glos Cup Final at Ashton Gate in late 60's or early 70's and we gave him some strong verbals the next day because he seemed to have favoured the Gas who won.

How different then to now. I stood in the Covered End with a Gas work colleague.

 

 

I know Rob's brother Reg, who now lives in Lympsham.  BTW I used to work for Walter Cannings in Avonmouth as a rep for Somerset and Dorset. Knew Colodense very well.

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My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

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8 minutes ago, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

My heart breaks when I read things like this, I just split up with my partner of 4 months and am in pieces but feel so selfish when I read something like this that just puts things more into perspective

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21 hours ago, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

VR my thoughts are with you. Having worked in a Hospice for 10 years I was reminded everyday of the importance of living every day as if it were your last one, I don’t mean being reckless but maximizing the day and taking nothing for granted. Terminal illness and life threatening situations reinforce so many things that we too often take for granted. 

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21 hours ago, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

VR, as someone who looks like we share common interests, my heart goes out to you. I am fortunate to be married 50 years this December and so I cannot imagine what you are going through. Cherish the time you have with your wife as BOTH of you are special. You will find many who will talk with you and help you through this and remember it is about you as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you both.

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On 07/09/2021 at 11:20, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

Heartbreaking for you.  You'll probably be surprised at the strength you wife finds to cope with the situation,  it's really good to hear that you're having memorable conversations, as you say, cherish every moment.  Thoughts are with you and your family. x 

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21 hours ago, oldstandrobin said:

VR, as someone who looks like we share common interests, my heart goes out to you. I am fortunate to be married 50 years this December and so I cannot

8 hours ago, In the Net said:

Heartbreaking for you.  You'll probably be surprised at the strength you wife finds to cope with the situation,  it's really good to hear that you're having memorable conversations, as you say, cherish every moment.  Thoughts are with you and your family. x 

imagine what you are going through. Cherish the time you have with your wife as BOTH of you are special. You will find many who will talk with you and help you through this and remember it is about you as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to you both.

Yes, thank you both.  Life does feel bigger than it has done previously and although I have now become my wife's carer (secondaries all down the spine, pelvis, hips, femur as well as the lung and liver and so she's now pretty immobile), it isn't a chore at all: I regard it as a privilege.

Hardly unsurprisingly @Dollymarie, I ******* hate cancer too!

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On 07/09/2021 at 11:20, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

Made me well up TBH that I left it a while before answering. Really feel for you both. All you can do is cherish your time together which I am sure you are doing 100%. Your love will help you through. Won't make it any easier but will give you both strength to continue. My thoughts are with you both.

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