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Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!


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10 minutes ago, In the Net said:

Absolutely gorgeous - so much love in that photo!  We adopted our little rescue dog when she was 8, her previous owner had passed away, she's almost 15 now - the Diva of the house. 

Wow, that's a good age. Glad you appreciate who is in charge of the household !!

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On 09/06/2022 at 04:12, BigTone said:

Wow, that's a good age. Glad you appreciate who is in charge of the household !!

Hi Tone, only just picked up on this story, so sad mate. We lost our german shepherd way back in 2008  (I mentioned the war once but got away with it). Seriously though mate I said no more dogs because of the heartache when they leave us but I get peace & happiness knowing she had a great life with us, I feel sure you will get the same feelings eventually mate.

Chin up mate & thanks for being a good owner/dog lover.

Cheers from Oz ?

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Hey everyone just thought i'd check in been a while since I posted how is everyone doing ? When I last posted I mentioned I was about to start counseling...wasn't sure what to expect but its definitely helped alot, would highly recommend it to anyone struggling. I've not had as many down days as I did before so that's been an amazing feeling. 

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21 hours ago, Mattredrobin said:

Hey everyone just thought i'd check in been a while since I posted how is everyone doing ? When I last posted I mentioned I was about to start counseling...wasn't sure what to expect but its definitely helped alot, would highly recommend it to anyone struggling. I've not had as many down days as I did before so that's been an amazing feeling. 

That's great news - good for you.  I had counselling for almost 3 years, and it made a huge difference to me, and also gave me tools which I could use to help me cope in the future.  I know it's not for everybody, but worth a try - as you say, it's great when you realise that the "good" days are increasing.  Keep going - onward and upwards.  Take care. 

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On 07/05/2022 at 11:13, The Coach said:

Thanks all for the posts on here. Really great to see people talk and support each other. So perhaps I should give it a go.

I was in contact with one poster late 2021 as we were going through some tough patches together and kept each other how things were going. By this time, I met someone new and thought she was amazing in every single way.

Turned out she is/was a very big liar and extremely dishonest. I did everything for her in every good way possible. Even when she was down in December, I was always there (even though her negative mindset and behaviour  brought me down during this period). Slowly realised after we broke up she's a narcissist, thinks all men are see you next Tuesdays. While blaming everyone else for everything bad that has happened in her life. A pure victims mentality 24/7.

I won't bore everyone with the full story. But even though she's not a very nice person and toxic. It's been 4 months since we broke up and part of me still misses her and wishes we were back together (bearing in mind my family and friends were extremely relieved we broke up and her family and friends were devastated). I've also made the mistake this week of writing and posting a card to her hoping she is all ok, and life is going well. While thanking her for the good times and sharing some of the good memories we have. I feel pretty stupid now and I guess the reason I posted this card in the post box was in hope of some form of response. Yet, I am the one who did no wrong in the relationship.

Feel quite embarrassed by the time I wasted on her and the fact of sending a card this week.

 

 

Well, thought I'd share an update on this one. If you can't laugh, then you'll cry. We actually seen each other on a night out a few weeks ago in what was a very small bar (only just bigger than a micro pub literally). I decided to stay clear and keep my distance. Just in case she decided to cause a scene. Told my friend who I was with I'm going to stay by the bar. My friend decided to go for a boogie in it's very small dance area bit. Where she and her friend were. Bearing in mind my friend does not know her or knew what she looked like. She decided to tap him on the shoulder and tell him to **** off and for me to go also. My friend came back quite shocked. Told him to go enjoy himself and ignore her as she has no right.

Skip a long story short, come 0100 at closure of this bar she decided to kick off at me and get quite vicious. Bearing in mind I haven't looked at her, or been near her for the duration. Still kept my cool and did not lower myself to her behaviour. Bearing in mind I have done absolutely nothing wrong. My friend stuck up for me and gave her a few home truths from what he seen that night (telling her he's 10 times the person you are and you didn't deserve him) Could have kissed him at this point! She then lunged for him and was about to punch him before her friend stepped in and stopped her (who's actually a nice girl and I have no issue with). My ex even then told her own friend to **** off and she stormed off. This is behaviour you'd expect from people when they've had one too many, but this was her completely sober.

By the time I got home, she then decided to message me via FB and then tried to blame the whole ordeal on me. This is where I got frustrated with myself as I lowered myself to her level and we ended up in a slanging match via FB for the next 2 hours. By this point it was 0430 and I was so angry I couldn't sleep. 

I'm so grateful things did not work out. My life would have been such a misery all because of her. The good thing is, the people who are even friends with her know what she is like and have all informed me you can do and deserve a lot better. I just find it absolutely baffling she blames everyone else for everything and believes she isn't the issue, or at least part of it. From what I've been told today. She's been having digs at me all weekend via social media without name dropping me, and also having a pop at my mum. Who was nothing but sweet and caring for her. Even helped prepped her for her new job.

Sorry for the long rant, but it's totally sucked the life out of me. I honesty can't believe people can be this toxic and carry so much hate and negativity in life. I'm taking this as a lucky escape. As I think I am ex boyfriend number 8 or so!

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On 03/02/2022 at 22:13, Toffee dog said:

This is very hard to write but my beautiful partner was hit by a van as she walked to the hairdresser in Downend on Friday  morning & sadly died of her unserviceable injuries Friday evening thankfully I was by her side.

Her ward was turned into a Covid ward early on & she was terrified that she would pass it onto me, I am a community nurse pretty sure we both got Covid but it was very early on & so before testing. We spent weeks living in different bedrooms so don’t go there re: PM.

I miss her everyday & we had so many plans, luckily I have lots of support around me.

Hi all thought I will give you an update, obviously my beautiful lady died(killed) & then for good measure my mum died unexpectedly as well.  But I’m posting to say you can get through it. It has been a shit year I’m getting through it & now back to work.  So those going through dark times keep going you will get through it. X COYR

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13 hours ago, Ecko said:

Delete her from all social media and don't engage with her in future. She sounds like the type to go to the police and use it against you. Psycho.

My plan exactly Ecko. Another member on this forum has PMed me and has given me advice based upon their background. Very grateful to an amazing bunch we have on here.

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Good morning all.  After all of your kind words when my wife died in March, I'd like to update you as to how life has been since.

4.5 months on, I still cry most days remembering her.  However, following some support from the hospice (who have been brilliant to both me and my youngest), I am looking back, not on the cancer years - which had been my focus - but on the 30 years of good times that we'd shared before the disease took hold.  It's not always easy as I still rail against cancer and why it took such a brilliant person out of our lives, but the pain is getting a little less.  I also heard back from the Cancer hospital as to the extent of her cancer which was shocking - she didn't stand a chance which broke my heart when I read that.  But it helped because it confirmed that despite it all, everyone had done everything in their powers to try to save her.

I also have a puppy who is a lovely focus now.  And, we are all/have all got memorial tattoos which in essence is a tattoo with cremation ash included.  I know it sounds a little bit macabre but I physically carry a bit of her around with me forever now (as well as her wedding ring which I wear next to mine). Incidentally, one of the penguins in the picture is slightly out of kilter so we need to work a little on the beak.  

Talking helps, it truly does.  I have been blessed by the support of some great mates including @BS4 on Tour... whose weekly texts and visits have been a blessing.  I don't ever want to forget Andrea and always want to talk about her.  And if any of you are ever in a similar position, please reach out to me if you need to.  I may not profess to be an expert but I have been there and I know the journey and how bleak it may look at times.

 

 

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Edited by Vespa Red
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What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

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16 minutes ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

For what it's worth mate.I would have done exactly the same as you.Hope they come to their senses,if not put yourself and your wife first.Good luck going forwards.

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12 hours ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

2. All day long.

in that situation, I know my mum would want me to go for number 2 as well.

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22 hours ago, gl2 said:

What would YOU have done?

 1, go to your mothers funeral who died of covid/dementia in a city 30miles away or

2, take your wife to hospital 10miles away for an op to try and save her eye ball which she smashed falling onto a loo brush in bathroom, to be there for her, the op was unsuccessfull and she has lost her sight in one eye and has not driven since.

both of the above were on the same day at the same time.

 I picked 2, and would do so every time, the cost since, 2years ago has been my brother and 2 sisters have not spoken since. There loss imo i thought of mum while waiting at the hospital but out cast since that day, would anyone have chosen 1,??

All this just after my cancer op and all through covid.

2 wins every time

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On 26/07/2022 at 13:19, The Coach said:

Well, thought I'd share an update on this one. If you can't laugh, then you'll cry. We actually seen each other on a night out a few weeks ago in what was a very small bar (only just bigger than a micro pub literally). I decided to stay clear and keep my distance. Just in case she decided to cause a scene. Told my friend who I was with I'm going to stay by the bar. My friend decided to go for a boogie in it's very small dance area bit. Where she and her friend were. Bearing in mind my friend does not know her or knew what she looked like. She decided to tap him on the shoulder and tell him to **** off and for me to go also. My friend came back quite shocked. Told him to go enjoy himself and ignore her as she has no right.

Skip a long story short, come 0100 at closure of this bar she decided to kick off at me and get quite vicious. Bearing in mind I haven't looked at her, or been near her for the duration. Still kept my cool and did not lower myself to her behaviour. Bearing in mind I have done absolutely nothing wrong. My friend stuck up for me and gave her a few home truths from what he seen that night (telling her he's 10 times the person you are and you didn't deserve him) Could have kissed him at this point! She then lunged for him and was about to punch him before her friend stepped in and stopped her (who's actually a nice girl and I have no issue with). My ex even then told her own friend to **** off and she stormed off. This is behaviour you'd expect from people when they've had one too many, but this was her completely sober.

By the time I got home, she then decided to message me via FB and then tried to blame the whole ordeal on me. This is where I got frustrated with myself as I lowered myself to her level and we ended up in a slanging match via FB for the next 2 hours. By this point it was 0430 and I was so angry I couldn't sleep. 

I'm so grateful things did not work out. My life would have been such a misery all because of her. The good thing is, the people who are even friends with her know what she is like and have all informed me you can do and deserve a lot better. I just find it absolutely baffling she blames everyone else for everything and believes she isn't the issue, or at least part of it. From what I've been told today. She's been having digs at me all weekend via social media without name dropping me, and also having a pop at my mum. Who was nothing but sweet and caring for her. Even helped prepped her for her new job.

Sorry for the long rant, but it's totally sucked the life out of me. I honesty can't believe people can be this toxic and carry so much hate and negativity in life. I'm taking this as a lucky escape. As I think I am ex boyfriend number 8 or so!

This is all to familiar but we have a child so we have to keep the conversation. Hold Your head up high and continue to be a superior person. Don't lower yourself to the depths of the sewer where vermin reside. 

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On 06/08/2022 at 00:44, Mr Popodopolous said:

I have a bit of a tale of woe but dunno- still a bit raw for one and dunno if it's a little self-indulgent for this thread but it has without doubt caused me ups and downs since mid June or so.

You’ve made a start @Mr Popodopolous by letting us know (even if not ready to share details at this moment in time). That itself is a step in the right direction 

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On 31/07/2022 at 20:25, reddoh said:

2 wins every time

Certainly but a high price to pay now with no contact at all, from brother or sisters, sad life is so short; so we go on one step at a time; have my wife for 45yrs now a daughter and son and a gorgous grand-daughter and son 5 and 7yrs. meanwhile the tests continue with an endoscopy in a fortnight, just to see if the dreaded big C has stayed away.

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On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3 ❤️ ❤️

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Wishing you all the best.

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On 14/08/2022 at 02:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3 ❤️ ❤️

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Congratulations!

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On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3 ❤️ ❤️

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Best wishes for the new relationship - hopefully this is just the beginning of an upturn for you. 

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On 14/08/2022 at 07:21, Tafkarmlf said:

Slight update again. I've a new partner.<3 ❤️ ❤️

Friendship into relationship dealio.

Unexpected and no pressure, drama or expectations. If it works then yay, if it doesn't it doesn't.

They know everything about what's going on, gone on and what's happening with everything. 

Already very different, taking each day as it comes 

Start the next rounds of counselling and the rest this week too. 

This year definitely unbelievable. 

 

Congratulations.

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Well it took me a while, further delayed by the fact I couldn't log in on phone properly for a time. Think I'm ready to post a bit about it now- and since my initial thoughts and ups and downs it's taken a couple of unusual turns as in I made a couple of unexpected discoveries and quite importantly have learnt lessons in several aspects moving forward which is pretty important!

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On 09/08/2022 at 22:45, gl2 said:

Certainly but a high price to pay now with no contact at all, from brother or sisters, sad life is so short; so we go on one step at a time; have my wife for 45yrs now a daughter and son and a gorgous grand-daughter and son 5 and 7yrs. meanwhile the tests continue with an endoscopy in a fortnight, just to see if the dreaded big C has stayed away.

 

Good luck with that. I got all-cleared in 2020 and am now as healthy as I was 10 years ago. Back in the gym and losing weight - yes, I gained during cancer because I didn't exercise much.

Your choice on that horrible day was absolutely correct and I hope eventually your siblings will realise that. Your wife is here with us, your mother unfortunately not, so it's support the living and there are a multitude of ways you can honour the dead.

Mrs Robbo's sister lost an eye, but is now able to drive with glasses, so, if your missus wants to, she may eventually get her wheels back. 

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Initially I was going to come on here and moan about a horribly botched date which caused me a wide range of emotions after the event, joined a site recently and decided to give it a go, a couple of other meets with others were fairly casual so I assumed a first meet after a couple of months of chatting might be too. I thought it was a bit self-indulgent for this thread but anyway...was a place in Totterdown which shall remain nameless.

I turned up relatively casual as with the other one or two with others. FIRST BIG MISTAKE! Was a very rainy day in June, so I wore a smartish fleece and t-shirt, jeans and black shoes. Partly as I wasn't sure what the weather would hold.

Not the worst but...she might have given some kinda clue as she wore one of those fancy long dresses with arms visible, nails painted bright, fancy boots and tights. I digress, dress code mismatch isn't the worst thing but it didn't help...

I then went on to make a string of blunders, not helped by the build-up and the fact that my initial plan was to get a taxi to Temple Meads and then amble along to Totterdown. Except I didn't bank on the rain being constant and having to sprint to the taxi queue by Temple Meads to avoid being drenched!! Didn't help I'm sure.

I also made the at the time understandable but in hindsight foolish call to buy myself some Prawn sandwiches and a Cheese Ploughmans at the shop in Temple Meads.

It was foolish as this place does cocktails and some fancy food. Foolish on two levels as my bag with stuff was visible and as it made me umm and aah on food with her- and frankly the menu has a good range so I'd go back for that alone!

Significantly compounded when umming and aahing food wise I made reference to the sandwiches that were for me and me alone and stated something along the lines of 'Well I dunno, long walk back that I purchased food for'. Stupid, stupid and stupid again!!

Not switching off phone also not smart as checked it twice,  turned out to be a mate asking if I wanted to go to the pub...sure there were other errors but there is no doubt I was ruminating for quite some while, replaying scenarios in my head, replaying planning and so on. This was mid June but subsequent developments discovered in the last couple of weeks have frankly had me laughing...

For her part, to make me wait 16 days for a not well suited seemed somewhat gratuitous, although in the circs I can sort of understand it...I made a horrible hash of things.

Could've been worse although I expect she knew within 16 mins of the meeting ending, maybe sooner!

One of the potential scenarios I was pondering in recent times, was whether I had made the decision first, would that have been a way to go? If I had told her that evening that I made a hash of things and I would suggest that it wouldn't work mainly due to my ineptitude on the night. Or would that have caused strife??

There are also some fundamental differences between us, in our interests..not that they would have been insurmountable had it progressed as I'm quite open minded. However all of that is knocked down as my next post will explain...

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Well I made a long 2nd post that I accidentally lost.

Latterly I decided that something was amiss here so I decided to do a bit of due diligence, which ironically I should have done in the first instance- I have done a research based role in the past, I am quite good at it. ?

Anyway what I discovered turned hurt to laughter and as I said to some friends in a WhatsApp chat 'I'm just laughing at this point'.

Turns out for one that her name wasn't quite as she said, albeit of the same first letter. Fine I get that, risky to put full details on some kinda site like that especially for a woman.

The second thing that I discovered was the laughter. Seems that she is engaged or similar?? Would explain a few things but it would kinda be nice to have known instead of wasting a number of months!?

I am unsure what she wanted on there, unsure she herself knows as she appears to be some combo of pansexual, yet within traditional marriage but at the same time bisexual. Her bio said 'open relationship' but some of the other bits made that less clear.

Not like I was particularly out of pocket- a taxi or 2 and a couple of cocktails each, paid for by me of course but I learnt two significant and valuable lessons..prep properly for meets, I'm miles better now and do some due-dilligence BEFORE a meet, which again I seek to do.

What struck me was how little I did before hand ie none whatsoever in this case. I must have been very taken with her to just disregard any kinda caution or small research to see if anything didn't stack up.

They work in different cities so I wonder how much HE knows about her profile on that dating site, certainly no photos link back to anywhere else. Outside possibility that the person I met was somehow spoofing the original too? All very strange.

If she's looking for friendship on there, it's good to meet new people why not but make it a little clearer both in actions and perhaps how you show up on the night. Maybe I'm well out of it!!

Linked to Part 1, there was a fair bit of self-flagellation, some mood swings- not a good place to be. Plenty of deep dive analysis too, I was beating myself up a bit over (metaphorically) my blunders etc. Although these revelations paint that in a different light.

Life eh, sometimes throws up scripts that would be rejected in fictional plays or whatever!! Lives that some people lead...

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22 minutes ago, Mr Popodopolous said:

Linked to Part 1, there was a fair bit of self-flagellation, some mood swings- not a good place to be. Plenty of deep dive analysis too, I was beating myself up a bit over (metaphorically) my blunders etc. Although these revelations paint that in a different light.

Life eh, sometimes throws up scripts that would be rejected in fictional plays or whatever!! Lives that some people lead...

Try not to ‘over analyse’ things Mr P (Been there ! Done that) 

FWIW I think you probably dodged a bullet, sometimes simple fate has a way of controlling things !

 

Be yourself , always , the right ones will see through any fog 

 

I hope you take this the right way , but I chuckled how you eloquently described the first date ! 
I think you can see some funny side in it too , and that’s good 

 

My advice - Relax & Be yourself , learn a few tactical lessons by all means (We’ve probably all made similar !) but I f you try to become something you’re not , things will almost certainly unravel

Its about being a good person , not an image portrayed bud

 

Edited by Sheltons Army
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6 hours ago, Sheltons Army said:

Try not to ‘over analyse’ things Mr P (Been there ! Done that) 

FWIW I think you probably dodged a bullet, sometimes simple fate has a way of controlling things !

 

Be yourself , always , the right ones will see through any fog 

 

I hope you take this the right way , but I chuckled how you eloquently described the first date ! 
I think you can see some funny side in it too , and that’s good 

 

My advice - Relax & Be yourself , learn a few tactical lessons by all means (We’ve probably all made similar !) but I f you try to become something you’re not , things will almost certainly unravel

Its about being a good person , not an image portrayed bud

 

Thanks for this Sheltons, appreciate the response and the detail.

I did for a time but fortunately that has passed with this. Agree though it isn't so healthy.

Haha I think so too! A friend I told about it a few weeks ago reckoned so and another said it was a lucky swerve. Could have been interesting to see where it went but the whole her being engaged thing could likewise have caused problems for all parties? Fate as you say saved me here...two other opportunities to met in easier circs arose then fell away

Yep, agreed. People being themselves, true to themselves is important...through the fog, will have to remember that line!

A few weeks back I was somewhat less jolly and self-deprecating about it in all honesty. Especially in light of the secondary info that I posted. However time tends to heal many things and I can see some humour as you say.

Agreed on that, thanks- sound advice for sure. Of course the tactical blunders are amended and I will make new errors but not the same ones.

Theatre and cocktails she was keen on..me not so much. Nice to try sure and certainly don't mind some cocktails but glad I didn't try and force that one.

That is the crux tbh. Being a good person is most important, sure if I could go back I'd do it very differently but I wouldn't try and put on a fake front.

Edited by Mr Popodopolous
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