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3 hours ago, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

We've got your back with this one Tone. Anytime you need to talk your OTIB friends will be here.

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On 17/02/2021 at 13:46, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

Oh FFS Tone. Hope she can get treated soon and it works. Big hugs x

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Thoughts with you @BigTone. Lost one of my mates a week ago to Covid. Found it rough whilst rattling around a small flat and trying to keep up with home working. Let’s hope vaccinations will set us free again. I want nothing more than to be sat on my friends Veranda in Turkey, 30 degree heat with a beer in hand.

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By sheer coincidence, yesterday was the first day back on here for me. I stopped coming on here the day that this topic started.

Gave myself a break from a few things, one of them being this forum. 

Thankfully I have very supportive friends and family and my company are shit hot on mental health and well being policies, they've been extremely good. 

Just want to get back to my office, even if it is just for 2 days a week to begin with. 

On a side note, because of my epilepsy and my ptsd, I've had my first covid vaccine which surprised me but they said I was entitled so I took it. 

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You really shouldn't have!It has been absolutely dreadful on here prior to the excitement of Nigel arriving. I reckon you were well off out of it.Welcome back though.

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17 hours ago, The Batman said:

By sheer coincidence, yesterday was the first day back on here for me. I stopped coming on here the day that this topic started.

Gave myself a break from a few things, one of them being this forum. 

Thankfully I have very supportive friends and family and my company are shit hot on mental health and well being policies, they've been extremely good. 

Just want to get back to my office, even if it is just for 2 days a week to begin with. 

On a side note, because of my epilepsy and my ptsd, I've had my first covid vaccine which surprised me but they said I was entitled so I took it. 

Well done with the vaccine. It's good that you have a supportive circle of family & friends also.

Welcome back.

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On 17/02/2021 at 13:46, BigTone said:

Got worse today. Wife had to go back to the surgeon today following her operation a few weeks back and she apparently has cancer. Now needs more surgery and radiation therapy. What a feckin year !!!

Having had a cancerous bowel tumor removed just over a year ago myself I hope this has been caught soon enough, where ever it is. Didnt have radaition after but have had countless mri and CT scans, all been clear so far, no spread and worked most days since.

Evil thing cancer can stirike anyone anytime, really hope it all goes well for your wife....stay strong.

Lost my mum to dementia and covid earlier this year as well 96yrs sadly died alone😟 lots of other stuff including my wife losing sight in one eye.

No-one knows what anyone is going through, all we can do is keep calm and carry on.

One day at a time....and hope for better things to come.

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EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.

It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.

It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.

And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice.

If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:

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I watched the Roman Kemp documentary, "Our Silent Emergency", on BBC One last night, focusing on the high number of young men who commit suicide.  Heartbreaking to hear from those who had lost a dear friend or loved one.  I thought that it was a brave choice of topic, as suicide is still very much a taboo subject in ordinary conversation.

It's available on i-Player if anybody is interested.

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On 17/03/2021 at 18:13, In the Net said:

I watched the Roman Kemp documentary, "Our Silent Emergency", on BBC One last night, focusing on the high number of young men who commit suicide.  Heartbreaking to hear from those who had lost a dear friend or loved one.  I thought that it was a brave choice of topic, as suicide is still very much a taboo subject in ordinary conversation.

It's available on i-Player if anybody is interested.

all the best and and good wishes to you and all your fans. 

MHI is a fascinating problem. suicide means the person feels there is no where else to go 

when I was a little  lad I had a paper round and could do it in 18 minutes most days took 3 to 4 hours, I drank enough tea to sink a battleship and chatted to loads of old people and had great tips at Christmas.

Does that make me a good or bad person? 

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Good morning all. 

Why am I on a football forum at just after 5am? Well I've not been able to sleep. 

Yesterday i found out by accident that my (ex) wife has actually been in a relationship with her colleague since we separated. Despite me saying how much I wanted to work at things. She was certain that she wanted to be in her own, be independent and had no interest in anyone. Well that was a load of BS. The entire time she was lying to me. On top of my existing ptsd. It's just knocked me royally. I spent all our years together sacrificing and doing everything she ever dreamed of. And yet here we are. 

My mother in law said that she thought I knew ages ago because its been going on for a while. Yet her sister didn't even know. 

I'm not one of those guys that can just turn feelings off for someone at the flick of a switch. Probably just need some reassurance that I'm better off long out of there. 

But here's a spanner in the works. Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

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5 hours ago, The Batman said:

Good morning all. 

Why am I on a football forum at just after 5am? Well I've not been able to sleep. 

Yesterday i found out by accident that my (ex) wife has actually been in a relationship with her colleague since we separated. Despite me saying how much I wanted to work at things. She was certain that she wanted to be in her own, be independent and had no interest in anyone. Well that was a load of BS. The entire time she was lying to me. On top of my existing ptsd. It's just knocked me royally. I spent all our years together sacrificing and doing everything she ever dreamed of. And yet here we are. 

My mother in law said that she thought I knew ages ago because its been going on for a while. Yet her sister didn't even know. 

I'm not one of those guys that can just turn feelings off for someone at the flick of a switch. Probably just need some reassurance that I'm better off long out of there. 

But here's a spanner in the works. Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

Clares Law Request  for DV Concerns

https://www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/report/domestic-abuse/

It's always rubbish when a partner leaves and moves on so quickly, seemingly. 

Take time out to do you, get yourself off to relates free webchat service when it opens https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/talk-someone/live-chat-counsellor

And just be Dad to your daughter. 

You've got this. 

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5 hours ago, The Batman said:

 

Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

You seem to be on reasonable speaking terms with your mother in law.

If I were you I'd tell her exactly what your daughter said (if you haven't already) and that you are worried that if it was the case she'd been hit, it may be repeated. Ask her if she's seen anything of concern and to keep a particularly close eye on her granddaughter, and the household, to do all she can to ensure it is a safe environment for her.

The well-being of her granddaughter should be a far higher priority for her than her daughter's relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide; I hope things will improve for you soon. 

 

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1 hour ago, Nogbad the Bad said:

You seem to be on reasonable speaking terms with your mother in law.

If I were you I'd tell her exactly what your daughter said (if you haven't already) and that you are worried that if it was the case she'd been hit, it may be repeated. Ask her if she's seen anything of concern and to keep a particularly close eye on her granddaughter, and the household, to do all she can to ensure it is a safe environment for her.

The well-being of her granddaughter should be a far higher priority for her than her daughter's relationship.

Good luck whatever you decide; I hope things will improve for you soon. 

 

I did. She brushed it off too saying they were just playing dinosaurs, which mirrors what mummy said. 

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16 hours ago, The Batman said:

Good morning all. 

Why am I on a football forum at just after 5am? Well I've not been able to sleep. 

Yesterday i found out by accident that my (ex) wife has actually been in a relationship with her colleague since we separated. Despite me saying how much I wanted to work at things. She was certain that she wanted to be in her own, be independent and had no interest in anyone. Well that was a load of BS. The entire time she was lying to me. On top of my existing ptsd. It's just knocked me royally. I spent all our years together sacrificing and doing everything she ever dreamed of. And yet here we are. 

My mother in law said that she thought I knew ages ago because its been going on for a while. Yet her sister didn't even know. 

I'm not one of those guys that can just turn feelings off for someone at the flick of a switch. Probably just need some reassurance that I'm better off long out of there. 

But here's a spanner in the works. Back in January, I noticed a large bruise on her leg and she said that mummy's friend hit her (same guy). I raised it with mummy and she just brushed it off that they were playing with a few of her other coworkers who went round for dinner. 

If my daughter wasn't in the frame it would be a damn site easier, but how do I manage my concerns without just coming across as a jealous ex? 

That's a horrible situation.  Unfortunately, by the time someone decides to leave a relationship, they've already checked out emotionally - often because they've got somebody else lined up, but very rarely admit it. (I've got the t-shirt).  Very tough for the one left behind, you've had all this come as a shock, plus the worry about your daughter.  Do you think your wife would lie about how the bruise came about?  I don't know your daughter's age, or if she could be coerced into covering up how it happened.  

It's early days, you must allow yourself to grieve for the relationship - you'll go through similar emotions as people do when adjusting to the passing of a loved one.  I didn't really go through the "anger" phase, which made it hard to let go.  Good advice from Nogbad re. talking to the mother-in-law, maybe sound out what she thinks.

Please don't let you mental health deteriorate, contact your GP if necessary.  You may well have already done talking therapies for the PTSD - it's something which I've found helpful in the past.

Good luck - each day is a tiny step forward to a new beginning. 

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Well after discussing things with my friends (one of whom is a solicitor) , I've just decided to start the ball rolling regarding petitioning the court for a divorce under the grounds of adultery. Even though we separated at the end of July, you can still divorce on adultery grounds if your partner gets involved with someone so soon after. 

She has no grounds to divorce me because she's always maintained that I am a perfect husband and father, but she just doesn't love me in that way anymore. Nothing valid there in the eyes of the law. 

Just gonna put the last 9 heartbreaking, gut wrenching months behind me ASAP. 

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EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.

It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society - from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.

It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.

And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.

Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.

If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:

CALM,

www.thecalmzone.net

0800 585 858

‐------------------------

Heads Together

www.headstogether.org.uk

--------------------------

Mind

www.mind.org.uk

0300 123 3393

--------------------------

Papyrus

www.papyrus-uk.org

0800 068 41 41

---------------------------

Samaritans

www.samaritans.org

116 123

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I wanted to make some sort of post on here, as today I lost my father.

 

Without him, I wouldn't be a robin.

The excitement you got when he got you the newest top ready for the new season.

Shielding me on those cold and rainy days at the gate.

Celebrating and cheering on the way home on the radio at the results of the other teams.

Simply chatting about and watching football on the telly.

And all the other things in between.

 

Thank you, and I'll love you always.

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8 minutes ago, TheCulturalBomb said:

I wanted to make some sort of post on here, as today I lost my father.

 

Without him, I wouldn't be a robin.

The excitement you got when he got you the newest top ready for the new season.

Shielding me on those cold and rainy days at the gate.

Celebrating and cheering on the way home on the radio at the results of the other teams.

Simply chatting about and watching football on the telly.

And all the other things in between.

 

Thank you, and I'll love you always.

Very sorry for your loss mate. Always remember the good times. We are all part of one big family here. Best wishes to you.. 

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Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

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1 hour ago, BigTone said:

Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

Fingers crossed for Mrs Tone.Hope tomorrow comes up trumps for you both?

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2 minutes ago, Slacker said:

Fingers crossed for Mrs Tone.Hope tomorrow comes up trumps for you both?

Cheers mate, its looking good TBH so fingers crossed.

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1 minute ago, BigTone said:

Cheers mate, its looking good TBH so fingers crossed.

Hopefully a joint All Clear and Gas relegation party for you.

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On 20/04/2021 at 23:21, TheCulturalBomb said:

I wanted to make some sort of post on here, as today I lost my father.

 

Without him, I wouldn't be a robin.

The excitement you got when he got you the newest top ready for the new season.

Shielding me on those cold and rainy days at the gate.

Celebrating and cheering on the way home on the radio at the results of the other teams.

Simply chatting about and watching football on the telly.

And all the other things in between.

 

Thank you, and I'll love you always.

Sincere condolences on your loss.  My late Father introduced me to football, and it creates a very special bond, sharing the excitement, disappointment, ups and downs.  Glad that you have so many happy memories to look back on and treasure in the future. 

16 hours ago, BigTone said:

Wife had her op yesterday. Surgeon says she is a lucky girl so hopefully managed to get all the cancer. Get final biopsy results tomorrow.

Holding positive thoughts for Mrs BT. x 

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