Jump to content
IGNORED

Never feel alone, It's good to talk !!


phantom
 Share

Recommended Posts

On 07/09/2021 at 11:20, Vespa Red said:

My wife has stage 4 breast cancer.  There is no cure.

I cry every day: I talk every day.  The pain is going to get worse for me but I hate to think what it is like for her knowing that she is leaving us behind.

I don't think that we've talked as much as we have in the last 6 weeks: yes, we've talked but we'd never really talked if you know what I mean.

In the words of a northern soul song (Darrow Fletcher I think), the pain get's a little bit deeper every day.  And it will.  But I cherish the moments I have left with her and value my friends who are there to lend an ear (some of them are on here - you know who you are and I love you for that).

Made me well up TBH that I left it a while before answering. Really feel for you both. All you can do is cherish your time together which I am sure you are doing 100%. Your love will help you through. Won't make it any easier but will give you both strength to continue. My thoughts are with you both.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, BigTone said:

Made me well up TBH that I left it a while before answering. Really feel for you both. All you can do is cherish your time together which I am sure you are doing 100%. Your love will help you through. Won't make it any easier but will give you both strength to continue. My thoughts are with you both.

These sort of replies need a heart icon, can only echo the above

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Vespa Red said:

That is very true.  I also find that any act of kindness, however small, makes me want to cry at the moment.

I think that I may be depressed which is understandable I guess.

Very understandable 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My Grandma has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it has seemingly spread to her heart...tragic as she was only diagnosed 6 weeks ago. I'm absolutely gutted and devastated with the news; I'm 30 years old and luckily have all 4 grandparents, so haven't had to deal with anything like this before. 

It has also put my life into perspective and I need to prioritise my health. I was thinking of doing annual health checks (privately). Has anyone got any recommendations on who to use? 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unless you have a history of poor health why, at the age of 30 would you want a health check? 

As for a loss in the family - sadly it’s a common enough occurrence but chronologically g’parents go first. Certainly that was the case in my family and I guess many others families as well. 

Grief is normal, everyone goes through it but overtime it eases. I was very close to my maternal Nan but she’s been gone 30+years and now I have lovely fond memories of her love and kindness and cooking! and allow myself to feel sad but the grief I felt has long past.

When she passes on you will grieve as will the rest of your family - you won’t be alone and you’ll cope with the loss - just remember that grieving is not reserved just for you. It’s perfectly normal when a loved one passes on so allow yourself to go through the process of emotionally healing.

Whatever you do - don’t resist it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, Ecko said:

My Grandma has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and it has seemingly spread to her heart...tragic as she was only diagnosed 6 weeks ago. I'm absolutely gutted and devastated with the news; I'm 30 years old and luckily have all 4 grandparents, so haven't had to deal with anything like this before. 

It has also put my life into perspective and I need to prioritise my health. I was thinking of doing annual health checks (privately). Has anyone got any recommendations on who to use? 

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope you can enjoy some more time with her before she dies.

On your other point, I am also in my early 30s. I had a private health check when I was 25, and get one every few years now as well. I get mine free through work so am in a slightly odd position. However I'll give you the following advice.

If you can be honest with yourself then at our age you (with a little help from NHS online) can probably do a fair self-assessment. A private assessment will mainly be asking about lifestyle - how much do you drink, smoke, exercise etc. What's your diet? Do you do drugs? It's that kind of stuff. If you're honest with yourself then you likely know your vices and paying a Dr to tell you them may jot be useful.

On top of that they'll weigh and measure you, and do some basic tests to see how your flexibility is holding up. Height and weight you can do at home and the Internet can advise on what is healthy. With flexibility - can you touch your toes? Can you do a beginners yoga video on YouTube? Can you touch your hands together behind your back. Oh the other good test is can you stand up from a cross-legged seating position without touching anything with your hands?

Anything above that, stuff like bone density scans, full heart rate measurements, prostate stuff, gastro checks - all that is extra and will only be done if you or the Dr have any particular concerns. 

Edited by ExiledAjax
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 11/09/2021 at 14:45, BigTone said:

Very understandable 

Very understandable and also very true. Emotional times affect people in different ways. We all need support in our lives and we all need to make sure we ask the question are you OK. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey everyone been really struggling recently already have depression and the last month health wise has been a nightmare, now i'll warn you this is'nt pretty so i apologise in advance, i went to the doctors about 6 weeks ago with pain in my rectal area, they told me nothing to worry about and was abit of constipation and they saw i had pile they gave me some laxitive to take and some cream, a week later i was in excruciating pain even though the powder was working, i rang the doctor again and they told me keep up the treatment a week after that the pain was unbareable calls to the doctor, 111, and a trip to a&e got me no where just got told change you're diet, but i was telling this pain was'nt right, tuesday last week i then started pouring with blood and had mucus and all sorts it was vile, finally 111 tell me go to hospital, to then be told i have blood infection and a burst abcess and would need a operation... this has been the worst month of my life i feel really let down by people who should be able to help even now i need bandages changed and been told by a nurse it's impossible to change and have to hope it does'nt get infected, even nurses in hospital said how bad it's got now with gp's not really caring to much they just want you in and out, have to rest for 2 weeks now and not over do it but i'm struggling emotionally and worry there is more to come with this.  

  • Robin 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Mattredrobin said:

Hey everyone been really struggling recently already have depression and the last month health wise has been a nightmare, now i'll warn you this is'nt pretty so i apologise in advance, i went to the doctors about 6 weeks ago with pain in my rectal area, they told me nothing to worry about and was abit of constipation and they saw i had pile they gave me some laxitive to take and some cream, a week later i was in excruciating pain even though the powder was working, i rang the doctor again and they told me keep up the treatment a week after that the pain was unbareable calls to the doctor, 111, and a trip to a&e got me no where just got told change you're diet, but i was telling this pain was'nt right, tuesday last week i then started pouring with blood and had mucus and all sorts it was vile, finally 111 tell me go to hospital, to then be told i have blood infection and a burst abcess and would need a operation... this has been the worst month of my life i feel really let down by people who should be able to help even now i need bandages changed and been told by a nurse it's impossible to change and have to hope it does'nt get infected, even nurses in hospital said how bad it's got now with gp's not really caring to much they just want you in and out, have to rest for 2 weeks now and not over do it but i'm struggling emotionally and worry there is more to come with this.  

Sorry to read this @Mattredrobin.  It sounds horrible and I hope that the pain is now under control.

I understand how the uncertainty about what is going on is tortuous. Is there a District Nursing service you can approach locally about the bandages?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

45 minutes ago, Vespa Red said:

Sorry to read this @Mattredrobin.  It sounds horrible and I hope that the pain is now under control.

I understand how the uncertainty about what is going on is tortuous. Is there a District Nursing service you can approach locally about the bandages?

Thank you not in much pain anymore thankfully, Yeah saw a nurse on friday got told i don't know what they expext me to do this is impossible, i said oh great so what am i meant to do she said hope it heals on it's own, i have appointments everyday next week with the same person so hopefully she can do it or at least check it's not infected, she also gave me a number for weekend distrct nurse who would'nt see me as i was'nt reffered by my gp 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Mattredrobin said:

Thank you not in much pain anymore thankfully, Yeah saw a nurse on friday got told i don't know what they expext me to do this is impossible, i said oh great so what am i meant to do she said hope it heals on it's own, i have appointments everyday next week with the same person so hopefully she can do it or at least check it's not infected, she also gave me a number for weekend distrct nurse who would'nt see me as i was'nt reffered by my gp 

Sorry to hear about what you've been through Matt.  A few years ago my son had an operation on his back and they filled the wound with packing, which had to be changed daily.  He was able to go to the local walk in centre to have this done, we only found this out by accident when one of the regular nurses didn't turn up at home, and after several hours he was in a lot of pain because the packing was starting to stick to the wound.  It might be worth you looking into this.  Good luck. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 27/09/2021 at 00:12, In the Net said:

Sorry to hear about what you've been through Matt.  A few years ago my son had an operation on his back and they filled the wound with packing, which had to be changed daily.  He was able to go to the local walk in centre to have this done, we only found this out by accident when one of the regular nurses didn't turn up at home, and after several hours he was in a lot of pain because the packing was starting to stick to the wound.  It might be worth you looking into this.  Good luck. 

Thank you luckily everything seems to be healing well, it's just where it's located making it difficult for them, my packing keeps falling out so not getting stuck thankfully just so glad to be out of pain. Just really hope that's it over, will definitely consider the walk in centre if for what ever reason the nurses can't see me. 

  • Like 1
  • Robin 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 28/09/2021 at 13:05, Mattredrobin said:

Thank you luckily everything seems to be healing well, it's just where it's located making it difficult for them, my packing keeps falling out so not getting stuck thankfully just so glad to be out of pain. Just really hope that's it over, will definitely consider the walk in centre if for what ever reason the nurses can't see me. 

Hey mate. How you getting along?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Fordy62 said:

Hey mate. How you getting along?

Was feeling fine until yesterday have pain again in the same area doctor just keeps telling me to take what they've given me was hoping as this is my last week off work I'd at least be able to drive and get to the shops and get myself to the nurse's appointments and go and see my son on Wednesday but at this moment I won't be able to do that, very thankful to my girlfriend who is driving me about whilst working from home thank you for asking appreciate it 

 

  • Robin 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

37 minutes ago, Mattredrobin said:

Was feeling fine until yesterday have pain again in the same area doctor just keeps telling me to take what they've given me was hoping as this is my last week off work I'd at least be able to drive and get to the shops and get myself to the nurse's appointments and go and see my son on Wednesday but at this moment I won't be able to do that, very thankful to my girlfriend who is driving me about whilst working from home thank you for asking appreciate it 

 

It’ll get better mate. You just have to try and see past it to a time where all of this is a distant fading memory. 

  • Robin 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some heartbreaking stories on here. 

The closest I came to 'proper' depression was in 2003 when I'd lost  my job and couldn't find another. I began to BELIEVE that I was unemployable - I would never work again and my life was pointless. The money was running out and I had a wife and 3 kids to somehow support. I would go back to bed after everyone had gone to school (the wife was a teacher) and just try to shut out the world. I would get up again at about 11:30 and apply for 20 jobs per day online before going down the local pub for a few beers. That was my routine. The beer bit sounds nice, but it cost more money and I was racked with guilt afterwards - every day.

During that awful time I had to be very strict with myself to keep going. It really was like another person in my head telling me to keep it together. 

Luckily, I landed work in November of 2004 and have been in employment ever since. 

Since then I've lost my mum and I've suffered a really serious illness myself (Sepsis), which required major surgery and I was in hospital for 6 weeks, but even through those dark times I never felt as bad as I did in 2003-4.

Depression is real and can consume you if you allow it. 

Stay safe everyone, take care and be nice. Friends and family were my best aids during my dark days.

Edited by bcfcredandwhite
  • Like 6
  • Thanks 1
  • Robin 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've just watched the documentary on the BBC with Paul Merson, in which he talks about and explores the effects of his gambling addiction on his, and others' lives. It's arresting, excellent, gentle, and concerning. Paul is very honest, and open, about the challenges he lives through daily.

The program is here: Paul Merson: Football, Gambling & Me: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0010l43

A couple of supporting articles here:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/sport/football/58859342.amp

And here:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.skysports.com/amp/football/news/11095/12431849/paul-merson-on-his-gambling-documentary-i-just-wanted-to-help-one-person

If anyone is suffering in a similar way to Paul then please know that you're suffering isn't unique. Many others have sought and recieved help for this issue, and you can as well.

The first thing is to talk.

I've added this into this thread rather than start a new one as I expect that any new thread would swiftly descend into a circular discussion over the various merits of advertising various vices. By putting this into this thread I hope discussion can be limited to actually helping anyone that watches the show and sees something they recognise in themself.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, ExiledAjax said:

I've just watched the documentary on the BBC with Paul Merson, in which he talks about and explores the effects of his gambling addiction on his, and others' lives. It's arresting, excellent, gentle, and concerning. Paul is very honest, and open, about the challenges he lives through daily.

The program is here: Paul Merson: Football, Gambling & Me: www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m0010l43

A couple of supporting articles here:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/sport/football/58859342.amp

And here:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.skysports.com/amp/football/news/11095/12431849/paul-merson-on-his-gambling-documentary-i-just-wanted-to-help-one-person

If anyone is suffering in a similar way to Paul then please know that you're suffering isn't unique. Many others have sought and recieved help for this issue, and you can as well.

The first thing is to talk.

I've added this into this thread rather than start a new one as I expect that any new thread would swiftly descend into a circular discussion over the various merits of advertising various vices. By putting this into this thread I hope discussion can be limited to actually helping anyone that watches the show and sees something they recognise in themself.

Not sure what the programme was called on ITV in the summer but it was Harry Redknapp managing ex-England players in games against other nations.

Neil Ruddock was drinking stupidly having been warned about the damage it was doing to his life expectancy.  Merson tried to get through to him to stop, but he wasn’t having it, and Merson took it very badly…as he could see what damage it was doing and got Ruddock’s wife to come out and visit.  It was a side of Merson I’d not seen before.

  • Thanks 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Davefevs said:

Not sure what the programme was called on ITV in the summer but it was Harry Redknapp managing ex-England players in games against other nations.

Neil Ruddock was drinking stupidly having been warned about the damage it was doing to his life expectancy.  Merson tried to get through to him to stop, but he wasn’t having it, and Merson took it very badly…as he could see what damage it was doing and got Ruddock’s wife to come out and visit.  It was a side of Merson I’d not seen before.

Yeh that was "Harry's Heroes" iirc. Good show that struck a good balance between football nostalgia and exploring the issues that many men live with every day. 

The new show just highlights how the issues are ongoing. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 25/09/2021 at 22:41, Mattredrobin said:

Hey everyone been really struggling recently already have depression and the last month health wise has been a nightmare, now i'll warn you this is'nt pretty so i apologise in advance, i went to the doctors about 6 weeks ago with pain in my rectal area, they told me nothing to worry about and was abit of constipation and they saw i had pile they gave me some laxitive to take and some cream, a week later i was in excruciating pain even though the powder was working, i rang the doctor again and they told me keep up the treatment a week after that the pain was unbareable calls to the doctor, 111, and a trip to a&e got me no where just got told change you're diet, but i was telling this pain was'nt right, tuesday last week i then started pouring with blood and had mucus and all sorts it was vile, finally 111 tell me go to hospital, to then be told i have blood infection and a burst abcess and would need a operation... this has been the worst month of my life i feel really let down by people who should be able to help even now i need bandages changed and been told by a nurse it's impossible to change and have to hope it does'nt get infected, even nurses in hospital said how bad it's got now with gp's not really caring to much they just want you in and out, have to rest for 2 weeks now and not over do it but i'm struggling emotionally and worry there is more to come with this.  

The information below is from someone who knows what you are experiencing. It is brutally honest in the hope that the information is helpful in the case of extended recovery.


I've had the same problem - the pain is incredible till the point the abscess bursts, then the intense pain is gone. The pus and blood triggers triggers some major anxiety.

Initially it was suspected I had a fistula and that caused me a fair amount of anxiety in itself.
I suspect you'll be tempted to try all sorts of 'Internet searches' etc., try all sorts of 'cures' etc. Take it from me, don't as it can make things worse.
The waiting around for treatment, especially if you get flair ups (I had multiple flair ups but the time to rupture of the abscess became progressively less - the only thing I can think off is the skin around the area became weaker) also causes a hell of a lot of anxiety.

I had a number of ops, each time no fistula was found and I was sent away and the wound cavity was packed with stringy type of dressing (they don't like to stitch the wound due to the area it's situated at, but prefer the wound to heal from the inside out). Unfortunately the abscesses kept coming back, obviously causing more anxiety.

In the end, I was seen by the top dog. He checked one more time for a fistula, saw there wasn't one and I believe he just gave the wound a good cleaning out (debridement?), told me it wasn't be be packed out but just left to heal by itself, obviously leaving me to keeping things clean after going to the toilet etc. (basically, I just jumped in the bath and cleaned myself with soap and water) - I wasn't even given any antibiotics this time round. I have not had a problem since.

If a fistula is mentioned, they will ask you a number of questions and if you don't recognise any of the symptoms they suggest, be insistent they don't apply, it might save time getting a fix in place. Be insistent that the top dog takes a look if you can (a consultant) and that he/she does the repair procedure (easier said than done).

The bottom line to my ordeal was this:
It was out of the blue - the pain was excruciating and it conjures up all sorts of worries.
The being passed from pillar to post by the health care system - just what are the experts up to, couldn't they understand my distress?
The equally sudden rupture of the abscess - while I was thankful for the sudden pain loss, the puss and blood caused a WTF moment.
Then more pillar to post stuff, cycles of pain, blood and puss.
This didn't cause me any depression but it did cause a hell of a lot of anxiety.
While the health care professionals were doing their best, the 'information' about my condition was confusing and not helpful.
It took someone to take a step back from the treatment I was receiving and try something different that led to my recovery.

You might be lucky, this might all be fixed in one go for you and I truly hope that is the case.
If the packing of your wound doesn't appear to be working, ask about just getting the would well cleaned (while under a general) and not packing it i.e. just leave it open and keeping it clean. This approach worked for me.
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...