It could only happen in local football

[fatchers]

Stoney Garnett was refereing a game when he scored a goal with a header from a corner. Made the national news too. Apparently the team he scored for were getting hammered.

[Oh Louie louie]

Stoney, would say, do you want the red, yellow, or 6 of clubs?

Bloke, who used to play for the plough, had a unsavoury habit, of ramming his finger, up players behinds.

Then asking them if they fancied a drink later.

[SecretSam]

10 hours ago, Lrrr said:

Not football but local other sport

player drinking beer on the side of the pitch, having a slice of pizza in his pocket to eat when the ball wasn't near him and was still the best player on the pitch

Tomlin?

[SecretSam]

Whilst working at an NHS organisation, I ran the football team. We organised a match against a local hospital, and genius here puts our only regular player - normally a CB - up top.

He scores 5 in the first half, we are murdering them.

Second half, they pull it back, but we end up winning 6-5.

 

It was only months later that their Director of Finance (who was playing) admitted they'd played the second half with 12 men, at his suggestion. With no proper ref, no-one had noticed...

[Red white and red]

Back in junior football, we had a free kick deep in our own half. Lack of communication meant our keeper was coming out to take it, but our centre half passed it back to him. The ball just rolled into an empty net. We were 3-3 at the time as well... massive inquest in the changing room at the end of the game. 
 

I also blasted a football square in the face of one of the linesman during another game. This was one of my mates dads as well. He had a pretty decent thick lip for a week. 

 

I think back to some of the decisions made by your mates dads running the line. Flagging offside when the other team are onside by about 3 yards, calling for a foul on the keeper when it was me who barged him over and getting the referees attention for a foul when the other team have a 3 on 2 situation... Absolute uproar with the other teams manager and parents of the kids. Great days! 

[sglosbcfc]

Reading the story about up Lansdown reminded me of games up there when the wind took over it was so strong. I remember one match being 6-0 up at half time and hanging onto win 6-5 when the opposition had the wind behind them in the second half.

[pongo88]

One very rainy day the ref didn’t turn up so one of our supporters agreed to referee the match. In the first half the opposition crossed the ball, their centre forward caught it, and threw it into the net. Obviously, we expected the ref to award a free kick, but when we looked he had awarded a goal and was running back to the centre spot. He hadn’t seen the handball as he had left the pitch to get his umbrella! An early version of the Wally with the Brolly 

[Abraham Romanovich]

Bloke use to ref for us was rumoured to be in his 80's and looked like the little bloke from Benny Hill, real stickler always had the complete referee outfit and made great play of deciding ends before kickoff. Went down hill from there due to his age couldn't run and barely left the centre circle.

Known as Tommy as he was considered deaf dumb and blind.

 

[BTRFTG]

Once attended a pre-season 'friendly' between a side from Withywood & their rivals in Hartcliffe. I thought I was in for an afternoon's footy. 5 minutes later I was treated to a blow by blow reenactment of Hagler Vs Hearns. I've never seen two blokes go toe to toe for so long, or volume of punches thrown, or blokes withstand such punishment without going down & that includes having attended many a boxing event.

Best part was when the two had exhausted themselves, much like with travellers fights, they shook hands and the match continued.

[Mr Roper]

Played in a game in Weston where the goalkeeper went to throw the ball out then changed his mind pulled it back and threw the ball straight into his own net . The ref was running back to middle ,not even looking at the keeper .By the time he was told about it by us and turned round the keeper had got the ball back out and punted it up the pitch . There was no convincing the ref . The spectators ,all their supporters were in fits of laughter . Must admit I did see the funny side myself ,we were 4 down by then anyway .

[underhanded]

Playing u16s against the leagues renowned sc**bags Yateley Town. In the first half an awful stamp on our goalie saw him carted off to A&E at halftime (broken hand confirmed once he got there). About 10 mins into the second half our CB had his leg broken (confirmed on pitch, no need for a medical proffesional to tell us this one was broken!). Game then abandoned by our manager (ref = one of thier dads), with all our team bundled into cars and practically chased off the pitches by their lot.

I know violence is part and parcel of amatuer football but this one was particularly impressive. Still good friends with the CB now and he's got problems with his leg 15 years later. Crazy to think it didn't feel that out of the ordinary back then!

[Hamdon Mart]

Back in the mid-nineties, I was a player manager for a local side in Yeovil.

Our centre mid was getting more & more upset with the referee's decisions that I could see him getting sent off. He was diving into tackles, giving verbals to the ref and walking the proverbial disciplinary tightrope. At half time, I did the correct thing and took him off, he wasn't best pleased and skulked away to the corner of the dressing room.

Second half started and I got an early yellow for a challenge on the keeper then after saying "It's 11 v 12 again this week, lads", earned a second yellow and a red five minutes later. Got back to the dressing room just as the centre mid was coming out the shower; he's never let me live it down. 

[big dosser]

strange one for myself was playing old G,s i think they used to play in knowle always wore the city kit,funny thing was i never scored against them but did score 3 points with a penalty miss if it went any higher i would have hit the plane flying over from the airport.always had a good drink with them after as they always made us foresters welcome,great bunch of lads. 

[Numero Uno]

5 hours ago, fatchers said:

Stoney Garnett was refereing a game when he scored a goal with a header from a corner. Made the national news too. Apparently the team he scored for were getting hammered.

Stoney had a great way of dealing with players who kicked the ball away in frustration at a decision he made........go and get it or take a walk to the changing rooms!!

[Numero Uno]

One of the funniest incidents I was involved in was when a young lad came on as sub, head butted one of our players in the wall at a free kick as it was being lined up and got chased off the pitch by five of our lads and locked himself in the changing room until 15 minutes after the game finished.

[supercidered]

I watched a cup game a couple of years ago. Men's football at a decent standard in Devon.

The match finished 0-0 AET.

Penalties ensued.

Still 0-0 after the first 5 pens each. 

Sudden death pens. Eventually the away side won 0-1 on Pens with the only penalty on target. It was f@ckin hilarious!

[Tully Bascomb]

When I stopped playing at a decent level, I joined a Bristol and Wessex team for a bit of fun. We were playing a pretty poor side and we were stuffing them. I scored 5 in the first half so took myself off and went and did a bungee jump instead. The final score was in the twenties and the ref blew 15 minutes early because our keeper had just completed his hat trick

[Jerseybean]

Back in the day Bob C our centre half was, as well as being a good player and dominant in the air, an event organiser. He had an important call just as we were about to take a corner, so had to feint injury while the physio ran on with his mobile, along with the bucket and sponge. Bob took the call, something about tickets at Wembley if I remember correctly, then immediately took up his position at the back post before heading in from the delayed corner! Happy days. 

[Red-Robbo]

12 hours ago, Hxj said:

yep - boat trips to India for the British Raj - always on the shady side (when shady only meant in the shade!)

 

12 hours ago, Grey Fox said:

On cruise ships port (left) cabins face the land on the outward journey, whilst starboard (right) do on the return. As everyone wants the land view that combination was the most expensive, hence “posh”

 

It's actually a myth that. Not only would it not work in practical terms, but Victorians didn't use acronyms.

Posh is likely derived from a Romany gypsy word for money. By the 1890s, it had come to mean someone with lots of money. 

[Numero Uno]

Another game I remember was away at Watchet Town. The team I was playing for were bottom of the table and needed to win something like 10 of our last 15 games to avoid relegation so we organised a weekender at Butlins. Got back to the chalets wasted at 4-5am on the day of the game, few hours sleep, greasy spoon and we were raring to go......tbf we lost 2-1 and gave a decent account of ourselves in the circumstances although our left winger did give the changing room a nice new "coat" at half time.

What was also a bit strange about that season is we got relegated finishing bottom yet only got beat by more than one goal twice all season. Same team, last game of that season we drew lots before the game for position. The Left Back drew Left Back and was made to play there!! Our Left Winger who had recovered from his "illness" at Watchet and was 5'6" wet through, drew Goalkeeper and we lost that one 5-4.

[Davefevs]

2 hours ago, Jerseybean said:

Back in the day Bob C our centre half was, as well as being a good player and dominant in the air, an event organiser. He had an important call just as we were about to take a corner, so had to feint injury while the physio ran on with his mobile, along with the bucket and sponge. Bob took the call, something about tickets at Wembley if I remember correctly, then immediately took up his position at the back post before heading in from the delayed corner! Happy days. 

Haha that reminds me.  When I was at Odd Down, we played away at Taunton.  My CB partner went off after an hour (Lennox Cornwall if any of you recall him from Lebeq fame).  Was he injured?  Nope, was off to London for a rave!

[OneCity]

16 hours ago, Rossi the Robin said:

That can’t be right

I can remember watching the darts from those times with them smoking fags and even that looks odd now 

It was also the same in snooker. I can remember many a player puffing away in his seat between shots. And for older members who recall Bill Werbeniuk, he didn't recline with a tall glass of ice water like a prim professional of today's ilk, he sat there nursing a jug of beer!

[downendcity]

41 minutes ago, OneCity said:

It was also the same in snooker. I can remember many a player puffing away in his seat between shots. And for older members who recall Bill Werbeniuk, he didn't recline with a tall glass of ice water like a prim professional of today's ilk, he sat there nursing a jug of beer!

Didn't he have a prescription to drink beer? Something to do with being able to release the cue! 

[reddoh]

8 minutes ago, downendcity said:

Didn't he have a prescription to drink beer? Something to do with being able to release the cue! 

he wasn't allowed beta blockers (cheating ) so he drank something like 30 pints a day so he could play.

[1960maaan]

After a drunken conversation in a pub, I had already left earlier, we started a team . Good fun, decent drinking team but no organisation, our centre back was know to get caught offside when he got carried away. Anyway, my mate booked Lockleaze slopes for our home pitch, we didn't like it, but teams playing us hated it, wasn't called the slopes for nothing. I've literally just found a couple of photos that I don't remember at all, gives an idea of the slope though, look at the crossbar.

The very promising striker on the ball is me at about 29/30.

[Med/MadHatter]

16 hours ago, reddoh said:

just for info posh = port out starboard home. Think it means you have money   

That's how I book my air flight tickets :laugh:

[grifty]

I remember playing a game and the ball went out and both teams were appealing for a corner or goal kick respectively.

As we all turned round to appeal to the ref no-one could see him. He’d gone into the playground to push his grandchildren on the swings while the game was going on.

Same guy answered a call on his mobile during the game and also suggested continuing a game while a player was lying on the pitch with a broken leg as “we can just play round him”.

[marmite]

Played in a junior top of table clash which we won 2-1.  Following week we played the bottom side and beat them 29-2. Our manager gave us a roasting because we conceded 2! I can see why now but at the time he made no sense.

[lager loud]

4 hours ago, Davefevs said:

Haha that reminds me.  When I was at Odd Down, we played away at Taunton.  My CB partner went off after an hour (Lennox Cornwall if any of you recall him from Lebeq fame).  Was he injured?  Nope, was off to London for a rave!

I arranged to be subbed about 20 minutes from the end of a Sunday morning game in 1997 so that I could get into my mate’s car in the car park, changing on the way to Wembley to watch Leicester in the League Cup final. We got to our seats about 3 minutes before kickoff…

[TedsHeadIs Red]

This is a weird one.

I’ve been supporting a team for some time now. By the end of the 2019-20 season things had been going wrong for quite a while so they sacked the manager. 

Took six weeks to think about the next appointment but ended up giving the job to the previous assistant who had no experience of actually managing. He was useless so they sacked him too (helluva nice bloke though).

Next was some billy big bollox who had seen it all before but the club gave him a trial run just to be sure. Didn’t win any of his last 10 games so what did the club do? Signed him on for 3 years!

Weird innit?