Guest pogue mahone Posted October 28, 2003 Report Share Posted October 28, 2003 seeing as domestic matters have kept me away from ashton gate tonight i've been sat here clearing out my inbox and came across the following gem. this originally appeared on a non-league forum and was e-mailed to me by a good friend. obviously all user names have been deleted. enjoy..... Starting 11 - Dictators I've been giving this some thought (under the current climate), and have come up with the following. I'm adopting the 3-5-2. GK - Mussolini (Capt) - Il Duce, 'Leader'. Organised, too, got the trains to run on time (though late in deciding which team to play for) Across the back Joseph Stalin on the left Pinochet on the right Franco through the middle/ sweeper. There's been a resurgence in Spanish football recently LWB - Mao. So far out on the left Midfield - Idi Amin. Brutal, hard tackling Midfield - Baby Doc Duvalier. Known for his time with Tontons Macoutes, now plays in France RWB - Verwoerd. Will split any defence (into black and white) Up front Pol Pot. Best known for playing in red, prefers to stay on the left in attack Hitler. Haven't managed to sort out the bench, but the manager would be Papa Doc Duvalier. < post followup > US-backed dictators To solve the problem of your missing player, in the centre of Africa sorry midfield Idi Amin could link up with countryman and team-mate Milton Obote. There is a bit of history between these two but for the good of the team and all that. Personally I'd prefer a unity team (yours clashes too heavily on tactics, philosophy and style - except for mass murder). As an example I'd offer the following defence as they've all got one thing in common - they took power as a result of help from the United States (you can make a damn good side, reserves and youth team without much effort). Goalkeeper - NGO DINH DIEM - South Vietnam With the US's help he was able to defend the indefensible. In a country over 96% Buddhist this Catholic leader achieved what many haven't even in the Old Firm and was one of the few who could therefore take a cross. Didn't have much of a killer touch. Lost favour with the US managers who dropped him but even then was able to catch a shot - unfortunately this time in the head with a bullet. Centre back and Captain - GENERAL SUHARTO - Indonesia 1967-1999 A stunning record. Previous skipper Sukarno was highly popular. However, as a left-winger the US gaffer hated him and organised to get him replaced. Suharto massacred the opposition with his agressive sweeping up style of play (1 million murdered) and won a huge victory over East Timor. One of the best paid players taking over $5 billion. Centre back - SHAH OF IRAN - Iran Well hard. Duffed up some of the finest Islam Academicals could throw at him until he buggered off to Paris St Germain with a big of cash. Left back - SADDAM HUSSEIN - Iraq Did a cracking job leading his side to a 0-0 draw against Iran after 90 minutes and 5 years of extra time. Can cut the mustard - and the VX nerve - gas with the best of them. Turned from hero to villain, with the fans in the White House stand, only when he went 1-0 up against Kuwait with a bit of vicious tackling. Right back - MANUEL ANTONIO NORIEGA - Panama The most feared man in Panamian football even as a young intelligent (Military Intelligence) junior and took out a few worthy opponents. Incredibly resourceful he managed to play not just for Panama but also CIA United and Cuba Wanderers at the same time! FA found him guilty of money laundering (see also Mickey Thomas) and drug offences (see also Mark Bosnich). > < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators glad to see no Leninn as he would have just completely changed the meaning of the game and given his own spin. You were definitely thinking with your head! < post followup > Referee Can I suggest that Maggie Thatcher as referee for any games and she (like most referees) tried to ruin the game, and also could not be accused of being biased when your team plays a democratic XI!. What do they say. don't mix politics and sport. I await the back-lash. < post followup > Referee If Pol Pot is playing, then surely you must have Kettle reffing so that Pot can call Kettle black. < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators What about Colonel Gadaffi in that roaming central midfield role so beloved of Gavin Williams? Unpredictable, occasionally dangerous, tends to be anonymous for long periods... < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators Thats because the other one was a ######tator - no other than George Bush. He was promtly taken off the field for a mis-hit long range shot. < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators How about our esteemed dictator-elect Tony B'liar. He could be the free-kick specialist, imparting lots of spin on the ball. Problem is he may change his team alligence at half-time, depending on what the crowd are chanting of course. > < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators I know they're not a dictators, but surely having Arthur Skargill and Andy Gilchrist as the strikers would make sense? > < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators Gilchrist could be the chairman with that omnipowerful credit card of his. < post followup > Starting 11 - Dictators Home or Away? How about King Leopold II of Belgium as manager? Fantastic away record. Managed the Congo for 3 decades from 1877-1908 during which he turned it into his own private reserve. Training regime second to none. Decimated more than a third of the population through beatings and starvation with many of them dying literally from being overworked like pack mules. Lots of those other dictators mentioned are fine on their own turf but for the ability to slaughter silence the away support you really need someone like good old Leo. > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest longercidered Posted October 29, 2003 Report Share Posted October 29, 2003 ummmmm ok then :Party12: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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