Guest kev g Posted October 27, 2003 Report Share Posted October 27, 2003 WHY WOMEN ARE LIKE FOOTBALL PITCHES ?????? 1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play. 2. Pitches vary from the well grassed to the completely bald. 3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends. 4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner. 5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premier League standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground. 6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities. 7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also never mention pitches previously visited. 8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings. 9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner. 10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back. 11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles. 12. Always ask before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel. Conversely, DO NOT expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnel to the goalmouth and score. That can leave an awful taste in the mouth of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground. 13. Local derbies may compromise personal morals. 14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches. 15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie. 16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy. 17. French grounds are frequently very nice to look at, however there can sometimes be an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should. 18. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes. 19. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches. 20. Always be on the look out for grounds that host ladies football two evenings a week. 21. Pitches with a waterlogged end can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if you ###### the owner off by continually asking to play up the good end instead. 22. Players will have to agree personal terms with the club, before being allowed to play on the turf. 23. Always look for a ground that has never been played on before (or at least hasn't hosted any major championships). That said, well-used grounds may have better facilities and will really know how to get the best out of a player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chalky Posted October 27, 2003 Report Share Posted October 27, 2003 I'd be lieng if i told you i read all of em but the first 10 or so were pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2iamdavies Posted October 27, 2003 Report Share Posted October 27, 2003 I read them all, very good. Made me chuckle!! :how funny: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest longercidered Posted October 29, 2003 Report Share Posted October 29, 2003 how funny very good :Party12: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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