phantom

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you " "OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 pounds an hour" "Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky" "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky" So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.." The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans and knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs. "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying. The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath. Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that? "Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique!!

Have been getting a joint one for the past few season, don'y think I will be bothering again with the increase in prices Cooper is talking absolute BS when he says the ground wasn't full for T20's!!

Surely that head has been photo shopped onto that picture?

What do you reckon got a new laptop for Christmas and decided the first thing he had to do was check on us?

So where is their superstar Bodin at the moment?

Somerset County Cricket Club have welcomed the Cricket Discipline Commission’s decision to uphold Middlesex County Cricket Club’s two point deduction. The Cricket Discipline Commission (CDC) today announced that it had upheld the deduction from Middlesex CCC for a slow over rate in their Specsavers County Championship match against Surrey at the Kia Oval in August. Following today’s decision Somerset CEO Lee Cooper said: “We were confident that the ECB’s original decision would stand and we are delighted with the outcome. “We are pleased that this has now been put to rest and we can concentrate on preparing for next season in the First Division of the Specsavers County Championship. “I would like to take this opportunity to thank the ECB for the swift resolution of this matter.” Over-rate penalties are automatically applied in the First-Class game under Playing Condition 16.4 with no right of appeal. However, due to the exceptional circumstances surrounding this fixture, the ECB and Middlesex agreed to send submissions to the CDC Chairman, Tim O’Gorman, for his consideration. Having considered these submissions, he was satisfied that this was not a matter that should be referred to a Disciplinary Panel Hearing. In reaching his decision, Mr O’Gorman said: “It is in the interests of the whole game that arrangements are put in place to prevent slow over rates, and it is noted that the requirement of 16 overs per hour is a minimum rate. “The rules relating to over rates are clear and understood by all teams, coaches, players, and captains. Although it may be common practice that teams will seek to make up time later in a match, even in the second innings, if they seek to do this they must also be aware that approaching their over rate in such a way carries with it an inherent risk. If, for any reason, they are unable to make the time up, the appropriate sanction will be imposed. Middlesex have sought to argue that it was only because of the abandonment of the game that they did not make up their overs but that cannot be entirely correct. There was no guarantee that, if the game had run its normal course those overs could ever have been made up. “I do not accept that Middlesex only agreed to the abandonment of the match on condition that their slow over rate in the first innings would be overlooked. It is not within the power or gift of either the umpires or the players to make deals like that. The match was abandoned for safety reasons. Play ended accordingly and the points earned or deducted should stand with effect from that time.”

Middlesex have failed in their appeal against a two-point deduction in the County Championship, confirming their relegation from Division One. The punishment came for their slow over rate during August's match at Surrey, which was abandoned when a crossbow bolt was fired into The Oval. Middlesex finished one point below Somerset, who were ready to take legal action if the appeal was successful. Middlesex, county champions in 2016, will play in Division Two next season. The Cricket Discipline Commission ruled that the matter did not need referring to a disciplinary panel hearing as "rules relating to over rates are clear and understood by all teams, coaches, players, and captains." How did we get to this point? Middlesex were deducted two points after the crossbow incident at The Oval denied them the chance to improve their over rate in the remainder of the final session of that match. After the punishment was announced on 9 September, Middlesex chief executive Richard Goatley said there was "no scope" for an appeal, despite the fact he was "extremely disappointed" by the decision. Middlesex went on to lose their final game of the season at Somerset, who leapfrogged the 2016 champions with victory at Taunton to seal their own survival. A day after their relegation, managing director of cricket Angus Fraser told BBC Radio London they would raise the circumstances of the deduction with the ECB. Middlesex confirmed they had "made submissions to the chairman of the CDC over the issue" last week. The final decision Cricket Discipline Commission chairman Tim O'Gorman said: "Middlesex have sought to argue that it was only because of the abandonment of the game that they did not make up their overs, but that cannot be entirely correct. "There was no guarantee that, if the game had run its normal course, those overs could ever have been made up. "I do not accept that Middlesex only agreed to the abandonment of the match on condition that their slow over rate in the first innings would be overlooked. "It is not within the power or gift of either the umpires or the players to make deals like that. "The match was abandoned for safety reasons. Play ended accordingly and the points earned or deducted should stand with effect from that time."

Kind of agree with you @Calculus it is amazing how many songs we still sing about them, especially with a growing number of our support base probably never even being alive for a Bristol derby

Makes thing a little more interesting, apart from the Ashes there isn't really a series to get too excited about. At least this may add an additional edge now?

Absolute nonsense !

I was talking to someone over the weekend about this, apparently Middlesex knew there was no grounds for any appeal, and it was never going to go to any appeal hearing

Was talking with someone yesterday who is a doorman in the area, he said that 4 lads started on the cricket lads a bit down the road, he is surprised footage of that hasn't come to light yet

Alex Hales' name has been missing a bit in all these reports

Very true, but I would say that Warner hit Root when they were all in the same bar, taking the piss out of each other and Warner punched Root ONCE Stokes, is seen to hit people on NUMEROUS occasions, even after the incident had cooled down

Weren't they out in Bristol too, but had left just before "the incident"

Just saw that this is on the day Finn's central contract ran out

Was going to say the same, massively different situations

Guess it is no surprise

. . . and flying over the head of many others @richwwtk

The Boys of Summer - Don Henley

Guy Lavendar in talking bollocks shock! Can you imagine the structure for this

Ah, so it was you all along

That was the figure mentioned a few seasons ago - I guess it is feasible is could have risen or dropped? Interesting debate about it here http://www.gasheads.org/thread/4890/break-profit

That's one thing we are not - looking at recent accounts the club is very affluent