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Mr. S'od, Revised Goals And The Works Christmas Knees Up

The Right Honourable Les Q

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After a somewhat "tetchy" meeting yesterday with the head coach and his assistant, the following points have been agreed:

1. Goals. It was put to the head coach that the stated goal of making the first team a "hard" one to beat is currently proving beyond reach of the boys, not a realistic goal, for the short term, and perhaps a little vague, unspecific. So, Mr. SOD has been ticked off for his lowsy goal-setting. Tch tch. Therefore, a revised goal has been set. Consideration was given to a number of alternatives to "hard," including "tricky" (still too vague) and "piece of piss" (already attained). Finally, agreement was reached with, "a team that Shrewsbury will not beat tonight." This is a short-term goal and will be reviewed first thing tomorrow morning. With the words "Swindon" and "this Saturday" very likely to replace Shrewsbury, etc.

A concurrent goal, making the team a "piece of piss to lose to," will replace the one so far, which has seen us a "hard" team to lose to. Although thanks go out to Gills, Nigels and the gas·holes for their assistance with this.

2. Supporter expectations. It was put to the miserable 'SoD that the board considers these to have been lowered sufficiently, to come in line with scmp and the new financial realities, the cheapo and just-out-of-school recruitment policy, and the fact that the boss wants to keep his dosh to himself now, if you don't mind. We conceded that the unfortunate slaying of our hapless neighbours in the piss off cup, and the disgraceful scenes of delirious, happy, smiling supporters, leaving the ground after, had unfortunately restored far too much good-feeling and hope amongst them, but that Saturday's surrender to the Bosh was more than enough to swipe all that nonsense away. We suggested to the coach that now is time to lift spirits a little. And he reluctantly agreed, saying tonight we could have some super possession-based stuffing of the opposition.

3. Mr. JET. Now, I, like most browsers and fans, and people in general, those with their heads screwed on, that is, become more right-wing as we grow older (quite a challenge for me). However, it was put to old grumpy-chops, that young Jay is way too young to be out on the right, where he spent most of Saturday afternoon, to no great end. Should he be on the left, or hedging it in the squeezed middle with the cleggs, or cloggers, or whatever they're called? That is for the coaching staff to decide.

4. The Christmas office bash. Mr. SOD's request to skip the romp that is the Christmas piss up has been granted. But we hope he will reconsider, as it is fancy dress, and he is down to come as Noddy Holder.

5. I trust this clears up any uncertainty, for the time being.

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