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About Jay

  • Rank
    A long time ago, in a division far far away...
  • Birthday 24/05/1976

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  • Location:
    Not far
  • Interests
    5% APR

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  1. Keep 'em coming Tone! It's like having Bob Monkhouse on the forum! A man walks in to the doctor and says "Doctor, I seem to have a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom!" "Ah." says the Doctor, "that's just the tip of the iceburg."
  2. I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
  3. Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!" "Woah, what the hell happened to him?" "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window." "What a horrible way to die!" "No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then,
  4. An Englishman, an Irishman & a Scotsman walk in to a bar. The bar tender looks over and asks "Is this some kind of joke?"!
  5. How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" .
  6. How many pleasures does a monk have? Nun.
  7. Police have found a local ice cream man dead in the back of his van. He was covered in nuts, sauce and sprinkle. Police think that he topped himself!
  8. Although often accused of being the reincarnation of Tommy Cooper, this false yet understandable accusation is often accredited to BigTone59 due to his 'select' jokes. Anyway, after a little persuasion, Tony has agreed to grace us all with a daily joke from his archives. Enjoy. Over to you Tone.......
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