New Dazzler Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 5 minutes ago, Sir Leigh of Somerset said: I've run out of but the posts on this thread have given me the best laugh in quite a while. Thank you A.R. Great stuff. Yes, it has certainly reminded me of all those little things we used to take for granted with the wonderful matchday experience! How can having a decent lie in on a Saturday morning, then watching it on the "small" screen for a tenner, possibly compare? I do miss good old Parson St Station though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBibs Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 4 hours ago, In the Net said: Pitch a tent on the lawn, get a portal-oo installed on the drive. Run an extension lead to the tent to make sure I get the big screen experience via the 14" portable TV - don't forget to tune into Babestation at half-time. Remove the top from the bottle of Fanta 24 hours before kick-off, so that it's authentically flat, and order in some out of date crisps. Good to go! Don’t forget to pass your season ticket through the fence to your neighbour so that they can come round for free. Make sure your phone has plenty of charge as you’ll be spending 90 minutes checking the City score. Get some patio chairs out, allocate each of them a row but make sure the row on your season ticket is missing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin101 Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 Back in the summer when Bristol city on tv was a novelty still my housemates and I waited till half time then piled through into our tiny kitchen to neck some tinnies, before heading back to the living room two minutes into the second half. Unfinished tins had to be left on the side. Ah, the fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curr Avon Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 5 hours ago, Abraham Romanovich said: Leave house in car 2 hours before kick off, park a mile away park up on pavement trudge back to house through wind and rain. Take seat on sofa in front room , get another occupant to read out the team sheet from a bedroom with the door closed. Once match started get various people to walk past you and the TV. Say continually certain phrases 2 of which must be ,like watching paint dry , £20k a week and he can't trap a ball, also referencing cows arse and banjos. Half time shuffle on stairs for 10 minutes outside toilet do what nature dictates wash hands with cold tap , blow on fingers then wipe any excess off of on trousers. 2nd half keep repeating it's only a matter of time before we concede or just sit in silence Leave 10 minutes before final whistle to avoid traffic , forget which road you parked in. Arrive home, found we scored a last minute winner. Rinse and repeat for the next match When you keep singing at the virtual opposition fans on your telly box, or widescreen monitor, "You're supposed to be at home!" ad nauseum and suddenly burst into tears because everyone's at home because the world's gone to shit and why don't I just have another can of fermented apple juice and a good lie down until we do this again in 3 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 53 minutes ago, Moments of Pleasure said: Next, invite some nubile young ladies to dance about a bit in your living room as they teams emerge from the tunnel, wearing a close-fitting t-shirt and white knickers. Perhaps with a red garter around one thigh. Been doing that all season! Ive also got Mrs Downend smoking like a trooper on match days, and for evening games, if we adjust the security lights, when I drive home in the dark I can see the smog rising through the lights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
exAtyeoMax Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 *Specially for Saturday: Get the guy who sits behind to stand in the back garden and shout "Rooney you're a ****!" at the top of his voice for the first ten minutes of the game (then invite the lady who usually sits next to me to come round and give him an earful and tell him to shut up) Get a bus from Ashton Gate that drives randomly around Hartcliffe, Knowle and Brislington until it somehow arrives near St Brendans… Sing, "this room's a shithole I want to go home…" ohh… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reigate Red Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 1 hour ago, exAtyeoMax said: Sing, "this room's a shithole I want to go home…" Or...my garden shed, my garden shed is bigger than this....room Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eardun Posted January 29, 2021 Report Share Posted January 29, 2021 If your wife starts reading while you are on the sofa watching the match, ask her sarcastically ‘is this a library?’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22A Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 The chaufer driven Limousine arrives and whisks me to the airport. The private plane then flies me around and another limousine is waiting to whisk me to the house. I am taken to the lounge for pre match drinks and then escorted to a comfy seat with an uninterrupted view of the 72" screen. At half time I am served a hot drink and some sausages. I then sit back to watch the 2nd half. Drinks and a 2 course meal after the game and I'm then driven back to the airport and the first limo delivers me back home. "How'd City do" I'm asked. "Lost six nil again"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTRFTG Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 If the first thing you do matchday is to look out the window at the weather then check conditions underfoot in the garden I've bad news for you, the game's off..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSSEL85 Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 This one of the funniest threads I’ve read recently, thanks all, needed a laugh today and perhaps a bigger one at 16:45 today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abraham Romanovich Posted January 30, 2021 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 At HT stand in front of your sofa and look around the room remarking on how good the carpet looks, query whether that picture on the wall was there last week and then get on your phone and call your mate at his house, place your phones at opposite ends of the room and then wave at each other animatedly whilst saying, 'I'm here can't you see me, next to the bloke in the red jacket, I'm waving now, yes yes that's me, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downendcity Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 Put black boards with letters at one end of the lounge to show the half time scores. When the game ends, walk round to the bus stop with your mates and listen to the other scores coming through on a transistor radio. Do Dolman season ticket holders get up off the sofa and leave the room 15 minutes from the end of the match to recreate the authentic match day experience? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davefevs Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 To make it really authentic, just as the match is about to begin, I get Joe to ask me to take him to the toilets. Every bloody time!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTRFTG Posted January 30, 2021 Report Share Posted January 30, 2021 4 hours ago, BTRFTG said: If the first thing you do matchday is to look out the window at the weather then check conditions underfoot in the garden I've bad news for you, the game's off..... Call me psychic but my local game's just been called off....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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