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Sycophant

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  1. It is a day of excitement and celebration at the Guernseytaxdodge.com stadium. The fans await with anticipation the opening game of the 2051-52 season after promotion back to the Championship following a 20 year struggle getting out of League one. It is also a very special day for our beloved leader Steve Lansdown who celebrates his 100th birthday with a special pre-match presentation. Steve's home help the lovely Lisa Knights helps walk him to the centre circle for a rendition of happy birthday and the cutting of his birthday cake. The adoring crowd rise as one to applaud their owner. There is one idiot shouting abuse about a lack of success, or something, but thankfully is quickly escorted out by a couple of burly stewards. I know certain people get a bit frustrated with City not having graced the top flight for some 72 years, but we really need to be careful what we wish for, and don't want to end up like another Bury. I'm not one for knee-jerk reactions and patience is required by the fan base. As the caterers couldn't fit 100 candles on the cake Steve has to only contend with blowing out 10 candles - one for every billion he has accrued since his time at City. He is assisted by his son John, who has just returned from his business ventures in the Bahamas, but makes a mess of the marzipan figurines, and leaves it to Lisa to blow out the candles. Steve then leaves the pitch to the sound of his favourite tune 'Money's too tight' by the Simply Red tribute act Simple John. The mood is slightly tempered by the fact that we have sold our best 2 young players in the last 24 hours, but rest assured the money will be invested in the nest egg which was set up back in 2023, and has yet to mature. It's sad to lose such talents as Alex Conway and Tommy Scott, but we couldn't stop them fulfilling their ambitions at premier league clubs Wrexham and Bristol Rovers, respectively. I know fans will be particularly upset at Tommy moving to the Gas, but they are now an established top 6 premiership team under the Kuwaiti ownership and have Real Madrid in he next round of European Super League (ESL). As much as Tom will be missed we can't hold him back from joining such a massive club as Rovers, especially since the move to their new 60,000 all-seater stadium built at the recently demolished Cribbs Causeway shopping mall site. Although it's only August I can't help but notice what fine fettle the pitch is in. This probably has much to do with the Bristol City ladies and Bristol Bears no longer playing at the stadium. Following a disastrous return to the WSL - including a 24-0 drubbing by the Chelsea ladies, and zero points achieved all season - the ladies continued on a downward spiral through the leagues and ultimately decided to operate on an amateur basis. To keep true to their South Bristol roots you can now watch the ladies perform down at Greville Smyth Park. Don't miss their upcoming exciting cup tie against Ashton Vale Vixens this week, followed by an important league match at the high flying Dog and Duck ladies on Sunday. Steve still keeps an eager eye on the girls and has not cut off all links. He has generously donated Sports Direct vouchers to girls towards the cost of their kit. They will however have to cover the costs of the pitch rental and the half time oranges. In an ingenious move by Steve he had manged to change the Bears from a union to rugby league team to help save money on costs and recruitment. The rugby association however would not agree to this controversial proposal and unceremoniously kicked the Bears out of the league. The Bears have since agreed to amalgamate with a local junior team and will now be known as the Ding Crusader Bears going forward. This was accepted by the fans as they didn't want the club to go the way of Wasps, or London Irish. The Bears state of the art training centre in Leigh Woods has now been sold off to the Bristol Rovers Academy. It is not known if these funds will go towards the nest egg. Steve still retains an interest in the rugby and keeps in contact with ex coach Pat Lam who won the English Premiership last season with the Cornish Pirates. Due to the ongoing backlog at Bristol City Councils planning department Steve has regrettably decided not to proceed with the new new basketball arena for the Flyers. He has a real passion for the sport, but indicated that inflation costs for labour and materials have escalated to the point whereby the project is no longer viable. The area where Wickes used to be based is to now become a vegan cafe and charging point for the player's E-Bentley cars. However, the new housing estate at Longmoor Village has long been completed with all units now sold. The Flyers are currently homeless but hope to have an interim home once the fire damaged sports hall at Whitchurch Sports Centre is fixed and signed off by the BCC Health & Safety Executive. The council have offered some hope for a longer term solution with the proposed opening of the new Brabazon Arena, scheduled for a 2061 opening date, which should have ample room to house them. They may have to alter the fixture list as they won't be able to fulfil a home fixture should the city of Bristol win the rights to host the Eurovision Song Contest at the arena. The club will need to check in advance with the new YTL CEO Marvin Rees. Given the move to the South Gloucestershire urban area they will be rebranded as the 'Filton Flyers' and will sport a fetching blue and white quarter livery and will add to an already rich sporting heritage of the north Bristol area. Anyway, Happy Birthday Sir Steve. Here's to another glorious 72 years together!!!
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