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  5. The Official Birmingham City v Bristol City Match Day Thread

    in The Havanatopia Match Day Archive

    Posted

    1 minute ago, havanatopia said:

    Few people would stop to consider the UK having more tornadoes and twisters than the United States. But that is exactly the case. The United States suffers terrible twister violence but only in a relatively small area, proportional to their massive country, in Kansas and Oklahoma. Few other states have twisters certainly with any seasonal regularity. A glance at a map of Britain tells a whole different story and a study by the University of Manchester has revealed that this fabled land has more twisters than any other on earth. Such is the frequency of twisters or tornadoes it is estimated that there is a 5% chance of one occurring within 6 miles of any given location in the country. So what, you might reasonably ask, has this got to do with a football match between the two BCFC's? 

    Well, quite a lot really. The corridor between Bristol and Birmingham is a hotspot of twisters. And while London to Reading is the Twister Corridor capital of the world with a 6% chance of one occurring each year only slightly more than Bristol to Birmingham and through to Manchester. A 2005 twister in Birmingham recorded speeds of 130mph injuring 19 people, causing £40million of damage and tearing up more than 1,000 trees. And, in just two minutes, a tornado in Kensal Green, North-West London, wrecked property worth £10million in December 2006. 

    According to a Guardian newspaper article, just a week after Birmingham was battered by a tornado, residents in Bristol witnessed a giant twister sweeping across the skies over the southern suburbs.

    The twister formed on Monday shortly before 7pm as the skies clouded over after a sunny afternoon. The Meteorological Office had confirmed the twister, which was up to 1,000 ft (300 metres) long, came close to causing widespread property damage.

    "It was a classic funnel cloud, but quite a large one. They are usually measured in tens of feet, but this one was hundreds of feet, if not a thousand," said Damien Lee, a Met Office spokesman. "Had it made contact with the ground, it would have definitely caused localised damage to houses and trees."

    The twister swept across a 15-mile area, including the suburbs of Whitchurch, Hartcliffe and Keynsham, and eyewitnesses said it lasted for 15 minutes. The spectacle was captured on camera by Mark Gwinnell, 42, as the twister passed over his Whitchurch home.

    "There was a terrific sound and I looked out of the window and saw this twister coming," he said. "I knew I had to get a photograph of it. It was a huge tunnel of swirling air which got faster and faster."

    Paul Knightley, of the PA WeatherCentre, said the twister was technically not a tornado because it failed to touch the ground.

    The centre logged up to four funnel clouds across the country yesterday and possibly one tornado. "Funnel clouds and tornadoes happen when you have an unstable atmosphere, where you have warm air rising from the ground and cold air above it," said Mr Knightley.

    In 2015 the Mail on Sunday wrote an article headlined with this:- 

    England is tornado capital of the world! More twisters per square mile than other nation

    England has more tornadoes per area than any other country.

    The Tornado and Storm Research Association advises that two tornadoes in Britain are known to have reached T8; their antiquated nature necessitated great caution in assigning intensities, so it is possible that they may have been even stronger. The first, also Britain's earliest known tornado, occurred on October 23, 1091. The church at St. Mary Le Bow in central London was badly damaged, with four rafters - each 7.9 m long or 26 ft being driven into the ground (composed of heavy London Clay) with such force that only 1.2 m or 4 ft protruding above the surface. Other churches in the area were demolished, as were over 600 (mostly wooden) houses. On December 14, 1810, another T8 tornado tracked from Old Portsmouth to Southsea Common also causing immense damage, although no deaths, it is believed. Some houses were completely levelled and many others were so badly damaged that they had to be demolished; chimneys were blown down and the lead on a bank roof was "rolled up like a piece of canvas and blown from its situation".

    Manchester University goes on; Tornadoes are impossible to spot on satellite images and weather radar images aren’t always accurate either. They can show rotation where a tornado doesn’t occur and sometimes tornadoes occur where rotation is not shown on the radar. So the only way we know about them for sure is from eye-witness reports.

    Kelsey added: “It seems that most tornadoes in the UK are created along long, narrow storms that form along cold fronts, whereas most tornadoes in the United States are created by isolated storms, which are more similar to the beautiful super cells you see in the movie Twister. Even in the United States, tornadoes formed along cold fronts tend to be weaker than those formed from super cells. That could be one reason why tornadoes in the UK are much weaker. But the process for how tornadoes form along cold fronts is not yet very well understood. Understanding why is my current research project.”

    The valley and escarpment corridor from Bristol north with the Cotswolds away to the east, the Malvern's a little further north to the west and on to the Wyre Forest around Kidderminster are prime breeding grounds for twisters as history tells us and how many times I have driven that route and seen dark clouds quickly gathering away to the east and west reminds us that these storms gather quickly. It is a phenomenon that is widely publicized in Kansas or Oklahoma but less written from the shires of England.

    And as Birmingham City might not be ready for our own new Swedish Tornado spare a thought for those Twisters; you will not get a warning of their arrival and they are more common that the majority of us realise. especially as you drive up the M5 today.

    UTC. Good day all and safe travels.

     

     

    ******* Love you.

    :wub:

     

    tfj

    • Like 1

  6. Written jokes thread

    in General Chat

    Posted

    13 hours ago, BigTone said:

    Go back under your rock Knobby

    Thank you for alluding to myself as a crustacean, in addition to the male appendage.

    However, I take this as an attempt at humour.

    I respond with the olive branch which I will place here ................. in the hope and trust you have it within you to grasp this peace offering.

    Thank you BigTone.

    :D

     

    tfj

    • Like 1

  7. Written jokes thread

    in General Chat

    Posted

    1 hour ago, BigTone said:

    Oh Dear, the forum Knob (aka Taxi for Johnson) has decided to dislike all posts on this thread. His medication needs changing very soon the poor pet.

    Careful - that's a personal attack - you don't want to get banned.

    :hug:

     

    tfj

  8. Written jokes thread

    in General Chat

    Posted

    9 minutes ago, phantom said:

    This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
    Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

    Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
    At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
     
    The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

    Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
    She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
    The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

    At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

    The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.
    Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince.
    "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

    When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on
    both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
    Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
    He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
    Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny! 

     

    Great post, Phantom - very funny AND intelligent.

    Keep 'em comin'.

    :thumbsup:

     

    tfj

    • Thanks 1

  10. Bristol R*vers dustbin thread

    in Football Chat

    Posted

    Just to say ............

    ........... if any of you have not tried a double raspberry magnum ice-cream, then you really ought to.

    They are seriously moorish.

    Have not found a super-market that sells them yet, but you can get your hands on one in a good petrol station.

    Expect to pay around £1.80 for one.

    Really - you should try one.

    Cheers,

     

    tfj

    • Like 1
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