Actual Medical Records

[Maesknoll Red]

The following quotes are taken from actual medical records as

dictated by physicians:

She has no rigors or shaking chills but her husband states she was

very hot in bed last night

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities

Skin: somewhat pale but present

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a

stockbroker instead

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function

Examination of genitalia revealed that he is circus sized

I saw your patient yesterday, who is still under our car for physical therapy

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until

she got a divorce

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches

Patient was seen in consultation with Mr Smith, who felt we should

sit on the abdomen and I agree

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was

feeling better

Patient has chest pain if she lays on her left side for over a year

On the second day the knee was better and on the third it had

completely disappeared

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears depressed

Discharge status: alive but without permission

Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful

The patient refused an autopsy

The patient has no past history of suicide

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully

Patient has left his white cells at another hospital

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant,

with only a 40-lb weight gain in the past 3 days

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in different

directions in early December

Between you and me we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant

The patient was in his usual good state of health until his aeroplane

ran out of fuel and crashed

She is numb from her toes down

The skin was moist and dry

Patient was alert and unresponsive

When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room