This Is The Kind Of Fan We Need!

[Eddie Hitler]

For not only are they supported by David Shayler, he also brings along Astronges (the crucified Jewish revolutionary) there's also George Washington, Pythagoras, Socrates, Leonardo the Vinci, Mark Antony and Lawrence of Arabia.

And he wins games for them as well:

It was back in April that he performed what he calls his first and greatest miracle - securing his beloved team Middlesbrough a place in the UEFA Cup Final.

"It was the quarter-final against Basle and we were 3-0 down after the first leg and needed four goals in the second match to win. I sat there, said to the creator, "give me a sign" and meditated - which is tricky at a football match, because every instinct is to abuse the ref and the opposition and, instead you have to shower them with unconditional love. But I managed to focus and we played like we'd never played before, winning 4-0."

He did it again in the semi-final, against Bucharest.

"Again we were 3-0 down, again I meditated and, bang, we won - a real miracle."

So what about the final, when Middlesbrough lost 4-0 to Seville?

"Ah... interesting question," he says, looking sheepish. "I got drunk and it turns out it doesn't work if you're drunk. You can't focus."

After that, he claims the 'creator' informed him that influencing football results - however dear to his heart - was not an appropriate use of the light. So he changed tack.

The MI5 Messiah: Why David Shayler believes he's the son of God