Jump to content
IGNORED

Gary Johnson The Baker?

bcfcmike

By bcfcmike
in Football Chat

Recommended Posts

bcfcmike

bcfcmike

Posted
Posted

Guys i just read this on the BEP its just someone that has written in......i just thought it was done really well and made me laugh!!

Its in the BEP piece about BCFC fans being divided about GJ moving on...but this person made light humour of it i thought smile.gif

Josephine asked why should SL sack the manager.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine you are the owner of a bakery, love, but you have a number of other businesses.

You employ a manager (Gary Johnson) to run it.

Now, Gary does ok when it is a small bakery, and improves things, but the bakery becomes more popular, the price of a loaf goes up and suddenly there is all this money sloshing around.

He employs his brother to go and buy the ingredients, but his brother - who we shall call Uncle Pete - hasn't got a ruddy clue what he is doing and ends up buying sand instead of flour.... though he makes a nice little backhander out of the deal.

Then Gary employs his son to run the oven, but his lad - who we shall call Junior - cannot reach the controls, and nobody in the kitchen likes him much because he keeps grassing on the other members of staff to his Dad, so he can stay in the kitchen and get his big bonuses at the end of the week.

This years accounts are released and it turns out your bakery has lost a whopping £6.5M

You have a master Brazilian baker who can stop the rot, but he has been launched out the kitchen by Gary because his contract expires in twelve months time !

More bad news.

Customers are now complaining in the shop. The food being served up is terrible - it's making people violently ill.

The ingredients are wrong, the food is rotten, the manager has promised to improve things for two years but it keeps getting worse.

He keeps saying it's not his fault, but when times were good he was happy to say he was the mastermind who ran the bakery.

Then he makes the fatal mistake of blaming the customers !

The manager has to go pronto before the kitchen blows up, and so you advertise for somebody who can run the shop properly. Mr Hovis, Selby, North Yorkshire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tim S

Tim S

Posted
Posted

Ok then, using the same theory.....

I dont actually recall when the bakery was doing well the manager ever coming out and saying it was all down to him. If anything, it was the bakerys customers that always used to bounce around the shop and sing Johnsons name. Ive always found the manager of the bakery very modest when it comes to his own achievements. Yes sometimes he diverts the blame from himself when things arent going so well, but he hasnt ever come out and said "these are the best cakes around and its all down to me".

Link to comment
Share on other sites
cinker

cinker

Posted
Posted

Guys i just read this on the BEP its just someone that has written in......i just thought it was done really well and made me laugh!!

Its in the BEP piece about BCFC fans being divided about GJ moving on...but this person made light humour of it i thought smile.gif

Josephine asked why should SL sack the manager.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine you are the owner of a bakery, love, but you have a number of other businesses.

You employ a manager (Gary Johnson) to run it.

Now, Gary does ok when it is a small bakery, and improves things, but the bakery becomes more popular, the price of a loaf goes up and suddenly there is all this money sloshing around.

He employs his brother to go and buy the ingredients, but his brother - who we shall call Uncle Pete - hasn't got a ruddy clue what he is doing and ends up buying sand instead of flour.... though he makes a nice little backhander out of the deal.

Then Gary employs his son to run the oven, but his lad - who we shall call Junior - cannot reach the controls, and nobody in the kitchen likes him much because he keeps grassing on the other members of staff to his Dad, so he can stay in the kitchen and get his big bonuses at the end of the week.

This years accounts are released and it turns out your bakery has lost a whopping £6.5M

You have a master Brazilian baker who can stop the rot, but he has been launched out the kitchen by Gary because his contract expires in twelve months time !

More bad news.

Customers are now complaining in the shop. The food being served up is terrible - it's making people violently ill.

The ingredients are wrong, the food is rotten, the manager has promised to improve things for two years but it keeps getting worse.

He keeps saying it's not his fault, but when times were good he was happy to say he was the mastermind who ran the bakery.

Then he makes the fatal mistake of blaming the customers !

The manager has to go pronto before the kitchen blows up, and so you advertise for somebody who can run the shop properly. Mr Hovis, Selby, North Yorkshire.

Blooming good analogy that. Should write a book. Should add in, only 9 of the 40 loafs were good. But some of the customers wanted to continue until the spring to see if things were ok.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
A Horse With No Name

A Horse With No Name

Posted
Posted

Guys i just read this on the BEP its just someone that has written in......i just thought it was done really well and made me laugh!!

Its in the BEP piece about BCFC fans being divided about GJ moving on...but this person made light humour of it i thought smile.gif

Josephine asked why should SL sack the manager.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine you are the owner of a bakery, love, but you have a number of other businesses.

You employ a manager (Gary Johnson) to run it.

Now, Gary does ok when it is a small bakery, and improves things, but the bakery becomes more popular, the price of a loaf goes up and suddenly there is all this money sloshing around.

He employs his brother to go and buy the ingredients, but his brother - who we shall call Uncle Pete - hasn't got a ruddy clue what he is doing and ends up buying sand instead of flour.... though he makes a nice little backhander out of the deal.

Then Gary employs his son to run the oven, but his lad - who we shall call Junior - cannot reach the controls, and nobody in the kitchen likes him much because he keeps grassing on the other members of staff to his Dad, so he can stay in the kitchen and get his big bonuses at the end of the week.

This years accounts are released and it turns out your bakery has lost a whopping £6.5M

You have a master Brazilian baker who can stop the rot, but he has been launched out the kitchen by Gary because his contract expires in twelve months time !

More bad news.

Customers are now complaining in the shop. The food being served up is terrible - it's making people violently ill.

The ingredients are wrong, the food is rotten, the manager has promised to improve things for two years but it keeps getting worse.

He keeps saying it's not his fault, but when times were good he was happy to say he was the mastermind who ran the bakery.

Then he makes the fatal mistake of blaming the customers !

The manager has to go pronto before the kitchen blows up, and so you advertise for somebody who can run the shop properly. Mr Hovis, Selby, North Yorkshire.

I wonder if Gary the baker ended up with eleven dougnuts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
bcfcmike

bcfcmike

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Has to be said their are some peeps on here who take life just a tad to seriously, its not a bad effort, I chuckled, and their is a smidged of truth in there. A laugh now and again will help us all get through difficult times

Very well put!! Now thats a poster using his loafdancing2.gif

Sorry Guys surrender.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
downendcity

downendcity

Posted
Posted

They didn't tell the whole story..................

Mr Big had lots of businesses including a bakery. The bakery had been in business for a very long time, but over the years, despite being in a prime position it never seemed to do as well as it should.

Although it wasn't the biggest bakery in the country, Mr Big had seen it's potential so had brought in Dan the master baker. Dan had a good track record because he had taken a similar sized bakers up north and turned it round so that it was competing with Hovis and Mr Kipling. Mr Big gave Dan the very best equipment, especially for a bakery of it's size, but try as he might, Dan just couldn't improve the bakery enough.

To make matters worse, a lot of the bakers who worked for Dan used to nip out the back for a fag, when they should have been working, and when they finished their shifts would spend too long in the pub at the end of the road instead of going straight home to rest for work the next day. Although they were potentially very good bakers, they didn't concentrate enough on their bakery work, so when they reached the final of Masterchef it all went wrong and their bread didn't rise at all and they lost out to a gay bakery from Brighton.

The customers had become increasingly fed up with the service from the bakery, because they wanted their bakery to be producing food at a higher standard, and Mr Big had to sack Dan. He replaced him with one of the bakers who had been working for Dan. He was one of the good bakers, and hadn't fallen in with the bad boy bakers. He didn't have any master baker qualifications or experience, but Mr Big was worried about paying out alot of money for a qualified master baker so took a chance with him. Split Tin Loaf Man was a legend with the customers, and was renowned for his ability to deliver a kunzel cake on a plate from 50 yards.

Although Split Tin Loaf Man had the very best of intentions and loved the bakery, he just couldn't make the bad boy bakers toe the line and they laughed and threw flour in his face. The bakery went downhill, the quality of the bread got worse and there was a real danger that the bakery would soon be producing rusks and cat food, and might have to move to poorer premises in Stapleton Road whe it would be up against bakery's in Darlington and Barnet.

Luckily, Mr Big realised the danger before it was too late and offered the position of Master Baker to Cockney Joe. Cockney Joe had a good track record as he taken a poor country bakery from obscurity and without many customers to he piojt where it was competing with Mr Big's bakery. Cockney Jow also had experence of running a continental bakery with more exotic breads and cakes. When he started things looked good and the bread being porduced was top notch, but all of sudden the bakery was in termoil. Cckney Joe realised that the bad boy bakers were dragging the whole busines down , so decided to do something about it. He told then who was the master baker, and that there was only one way the bakery was going to run and it was Cockney Joe's way. Some of the more experienced bad boy bakers didn't like beingwhat to do, especially Marcus the Muffin man. However, Cockney Joe had the backing of Mr Big and by a twist of fate, Marcus the muffin man moved on the the smaller bakery that Cockney Joe had come.

The bad boy bakers then stopped working because they didn't like the thought of having to work for a living and as a result thaty bakery shut for nine weeks. Some of the customers were not happy at not getiong their weekly bread order, especialy as they really wanted Split Tin Loaf Man to still be running the bakery , so they started a bit of a poster campaign around the town to make their views known. One of them christened Cockney Joe "just a bap baker" and said that he didn't have what it took to get the bakery into the bakery championship.

However, Cockney Joe had got the bakery working efficiently so that withi a year they did get themselves into the bakery championship. Astoundingly, even at higher level Cockney Joe's bakery did better than expected and against all the odds they got through to the Mastechef professional finals . Unfortunately they were beaten by a northen bap baked by the oldest, fattest baker in the competition - Fatty Windy Pieman.

Many customers realised that cokney joe's bakery had really been lucky because lots of better baker's had really got their fingers burned and let his bakery sneak through. Unfortunately a lot of Cockney Joe's custmers thought that this meant that the bakery was going to get better and better and obtain amichelin star in a short time.

Of course, one of the problems was that Cockney Joe was now trying to produce bakery to a top standard. unfotunately many fo his bakers were still just makingsandwiches and who had been with him some time but were up against bakers producing cream horns, choux pastry and eclairs week in week out. Lots of young bakers were coming through catering college, but Cockney Joe kept sending them out on work experience to Pizza Hut and mcDonald's instead of proper bakeries. He tried to egt bakers in on casual basis, but they didnlt seem to work out. The bakery was doing Ok but not really getting better, even though it was doing as well as it had done for years and looked like it would stay there for some time and with Mr Big's backing and Cockney Joe's experience there was good chance that the bakery could challenge for michelin star.

Cockney Joe did get in some good bakers. YOu could give Magic Maynard some fruit and nuts and icing sugar and he could come up with a wedding cake, half a dozen iced fancies and a french stick - he really could make something out of nothing. Haggis Hartley joined from a top Scottish bakery and not only is he still a good baker, but his experience has helped some fo the other bakers to improve. Unfortunately Cockney joe still ahs a habiot of having pastry chefs making sausage rolls and sandwich makers on the petit fours. He does need to get the bajkers doing their proper jobs a bit more.

The trouble was that lots of the customers didn't think thatCockney Joe had it in him to take the bakery up a level and compete with Sir Alex (Gordon) Ramsey's 3 star bakery up in manchester, or or the French patissierre, Arsen Roux's bakery in North London. They perhaps forgot that Cockney joe's had never really been recognised as a top bakery in the past and was competing with much bigger and wealthier bakers, who could often could afford the very best flour and bakers who would not usually consider working at cockney Joe's provincial bakery. None of this mattered for some customers who would find fault with everything that cockney joe tried. They didn't like that he struck with the tried and tested recipes such as cottage loaf when they really wanted something more exiting like pain au chocolat or croissants. Eventually Cockney Joe signed some flash young baker from up north and did try baking croissants but some nasty bakers from over the Severn Bridge crept over one evening and dumped half a dozen of their own croissants on Cockney Joe's doorstep to show him how it should be done. His custmers didn't like that one bit, especially as they would never , out of principle buy any bread from the bakers from over the bridge. Some of the customers thought that the whole mess was Cockney Joe's fault and imediately demanded that he leave the bakery for good.

Some of them said that the bakery could be saved if an experienced master baker came in to replace him. Some mentioned baker Adkins and Baker O'Driscoll, forgetting for a moment that neither have as much experience as cockney Joe. Some sugest Master Bakers Copout and CushlywiththemoneyImadefromWestham, forgetting that they have appeared on Great British Menu and Saturday Kitchen, so why would they lower their standards to run Mr Big's provincial bakery.

Many of them forget that when baker Dan went, as many customers wanted, that they thought it would mean an experienced master baker would come in and take the bakery to the next level. What they got was a lesser baker who burned the cakes, baked unleavened bread and nearly ruined the bakery. Cockney Joe picked the bakery off the floor, and took it to the bakery championship. He is a proud man, and perhaps sometimes to proud to admit his own mistakes but he won't be beaten and might just want to prove everyone wrong.

And there is still the question of what Baker will come in if Cockney Joe does leave. There doesn't seem an obvious choice that is available and would keep the customers happy. The baker who used to bake very thin sliced bread for Mounstevens off Gloucester Rd could be a choice - Hollowbread the baker. There is another Masterbatker who might well be free because the Orange Bakery he works for in South London has run out of money. Forget that, we need a baker not a banker!

Thank you and goodnight!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
downendcity

downendcity

Posted
Posted

Now THAT is a quality analogy downendcity and sums the current situation up perfectly for me, and all via the medium of bread!

It's appropriate, as so many fans seem to have already made their minds up that gary Johnson is toast!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...