Southport Red Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 I posted this on here a few years ago (so apologies for the repetition). But as it is the funniest thing I have ever read on a football site, I thought it deserved a "re-Tweet". This genuinely posted on the Sheffield United website by a fan "I'm feeling all angry about These modern day footballers and l know why They have gone all soft. It’s because of poncy names. that's what it is. Remember the old days when footie players kicked a ****ing ball made out of Ten pounds of clay stitched inside a steel reinforced leather shell with laces made out of piano wire? Well, in them days, players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were called things like Albert, Arthur, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack and Tommy. ******* Tough names for Tough men them was. And what do we have now? Gareth, Jason,, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. ****ing tarts names they are. Great big ****ing poofs. No wonder the ball’s like a ****ing balloon and shin pads are like Slices of bread. In the old days you never saw a Len Shackleton, or Billy Wright with a poofy little Sondico piece of paper down his little thin socks ****ing shin pads in them days was made out of library books and socks was like sackcloth. Same with jerseys. ****ing shirts with holes in. ‘em now - so They can breathe. Yes and so Jamie's hairless chest can breathe and he doesn’t get a chill. **** off. 5tanley Matthews used to dribble round Europe‘s finest ,wearing a ****ing Tent and shorts cobbled together from The jacket of, his demob suit_ Aye he bloody did. No wonder players fall over whenever an opponent comes near them. And they never used to show their arses at one another; either. Can you imagine what might have happened if Don Revie had flashed his ring at Nat.Lofthouse during a City - Bolton Wanderers game? He’d have got, one of them size 13 hobnail ****ers up hiss chuff. Therapy for stress my arse! Stan Collymore slaps his missus about and he takes three seasons off with stress counseling. What is that all about? In the old days, it was expected for footballers to belt the old sow about a bit , especially after a bad defeat. And the old women used To expect it and so they should have, they was lucky to be married to footballers. Ernie McShi** of Port Vale got run over with a horse and cart one Friday night and still he Turned out against Bradford The next day. And he Scored two goals. That’s ‘cos he didn’t have a poof name. Good old Ernie. It is s said he broke his hip, both legs, murdered his wife and buried her under the patio and still made The England Team for The home internationals. Did he have any stress counseling? Did he b0llo0ks! And drugs? There was none of that in The old days. Oh no. In them days it was a quick shot of morphine before The kick off and you was lucky if you got that. By half Time it had all but wore off so 'They pumped you full of Laudanum. None of This cocaine sniffing and shooting up class A narcotics.. Goal celebrations. Don’t Talk To me about goal celebrations. Crawling on The floor and Thrusting Their hips at The crowd. Huh, I'd have liked to have seen Cliff Bastin do that after a run down The left flank and crossing for Alex James To fire home a winner. Handshakes, that was all you got that and a ***k in The showers afterwards. But it was a proper ***k ... all man stuff. None of these poofy ***ks between blokes that you get nowadays with players like Graeme Le Saux and Stephen Gerrard. Allegedly. It was just a harmless bit of spanking The plank among healthy young sportsmen. Sixty grand a ****ing week! Ha! I wouldn’t pay 'em Tuppence. Two bob is what Tommy Lawton used to get .... a month And Tom Finney still worked as a plumber four days a week when he was playing for England. It’s True you know. Players had to work Them days just To make up Their money. NOT like Today. Stan Pearson had To clean sewers and doubled up as The Old Trafford ****house cleaner, He had To go off during one game because a log jam had built up and blocked The- "U" bend. And that Eddie Hapgood, he was a male model, though he never liked to talk about it. So I say we start calling kids real male names again. If you’re having a kid don’t even consider a poofy name like what people call their kids These days. Otherwise, what are we gonna get in Twenty years Time? The England Team full of players called Ronan, Keanu, Ashley and ****ing Chesney. **** That, call your kids Herbert Len, Fred and Wilf and lets get The ***** out of The game once and for all!“ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shirered Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Are you sure it was'nt written by my dad ? ........Quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redcliffe 78 Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Why do people hate modern players so much, its 2012 the World has changed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifelong Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Why do people hate modern players so much, its 2012 the World has changed? No improvement though is it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!james Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 written by a homophobic... he mentions poofs so much i think he must be in denial... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park End Boy Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 And drugs? There was none of that in The old days. Oh no. In them days it was a quick shot of morphine before The kick off and you was lucky if you got that. By half Time it had all but wore off so 'They pumped you full of Laudanum. None of This cocaine sniffing and shooting up class A narcotics.. He he he, Laudanum...highly addictive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myol'man Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Brilliant. Must have been written by Boycott, Parkinson, Scargill or some other crazed Yorkshireman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redcliffe 78 Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 No improvement though is it! Circle of life good and bad in all walks of like what really p******* me of is Footballers be judged because they earn fortunes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dorset_Cider Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Why do people hate modern players so much, its 2012 the World has changed? For the worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiderArmyy Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Why do people hate modern players so much, its 2012 the World has changed? agreed, stop bitching about them.. if you don't like "modern football" or "modern footballers" go watch golf, or cricket or something boring.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
And Its Smith Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Best to go back to the time where footballers beat their wives? Strange.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foghornred Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 It does make me angry the fact that someone like Martyn Woolford will end his career with enough money to never have to work,and Tom Richie is out in all weather at all hours delivering post ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob k Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 agreed, stop bitching about them.. if you don't like "modern football" or "modern footballers" go watch golf, or cricket or something boring.. Exactly! Go and watch golf, a game where a very average golfer can afford a 40k sofa and a fleet of luxury cars!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
numbeast Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 An excellent parody along the lines of "Capstick comes home" lamenting the passing of the good old days. How many times have you heard something along those line though less extreme? Made me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gas8er Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 Ha Ha...what a great read....haven't laughed so much since Rovers were described as the Barcelona of league two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldstandrobin Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 It does make me angry the fact that someone like Martyn Woolford will end his career with enough money to never have to work,and Tom Richie is out in all weather at all hours delivering post ! very true, tom used to deliver to me until recently and was great when I opened the door as he came up the path, he dropped the parcel onto his right foot and it sailed past me in the doorway, brings back memories of those great days at the gate :laughcont: :laughcont: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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