Esmond Million's Bung Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thought they farted but drew mud? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
screech Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thought they farted but drew mud? Got caught out showing off at work one day. I was having a good run of form, even got to the stage where they were changing pitch mid flow, but, as ever, over confidence got the better of me. My work mate knew immediately there was a malfunction, I quickly rushed to the toilet to discover my worst fears. Ended up binning them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinmabbuttshair Posted June 24, 2013 Report Share Posted June 24, 2013 Thought they farted but drew mud? Not mud as such, more brown sludge, the joys of bad Bass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Hitler Posted June 25, 2013 Report Share Posted June 25, 2013 Got caught out showing off at work one day. I was having a good run of form, even got to the stage where they were changing pitch mid flow, but, as ever, over confidence got the better of me. My work mate knew immediately there was a malfunction, I quickly rushed to the toilet to discover my worst fears. Ended up binning them. Very funny! I also like the idea that it is normal where you work to see who can do the best farts. Edit: for the record I don't actually think I have, or if I have was too drunk to remember doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeh Posted June 25, 2013 Report Share Posted June 25, 2013 after a dodgey couple of pints on a night out, the morning after.......lets just say that i would og given bolt a run for his money on the way to the bathroom that morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheddarReds Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 At school once when I was younger, luckily only a small amount and slight stain. Pants - Changed. I suspect dad has got a story too. Funny thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmond Million's Bung Posted June 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 At school once when I was younger, luckily only a small amount and slight stain. Pants - Changed. I suspect dad has got a story too. Funny thread. That was what is known as a draw............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob k Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Haha this thread making me chuckle!! I can remember when we was kids at primary School we were sitting in the book corner and my mate farted on a thick radiator pipe whilst the teacher was reading a book! It was so loud it must have been heard in the next village!! He got asked to leave the classroom and go to the toilet !! That happened at least 22 years ago and we still talk about it regularly now!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esmond Million's Bung Posted June 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Many years ago whilst on a school camp in St David's, Wales, us boys put 50p each in a kitty to have a farting competition, the winner (with the most) during the week took the kitty, we all had a card and each fart had to be witnessed and counter signed on a card. Whilst on a trip, we were having a count up and somebody said "i've got 47" which was overheard by a teacher and the teacher said "47 what"? and right on cue, the same kid let one rip and said "48" and got the teacher to counter sign his card. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Casual Connoisseur Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I believe the term is sharted. Once whilst living in London I was on a date, had a dodgy stomach all day so having a pizza covered in chilli oil was a bad idea. On the tube home I farted and something moved in my stomach, I knew that next time this would bring a shart, I got off and the cold fresh air of a February night seemed to push me a little quicker to my house, as I approached my front door, I felt another moment, fumbling desperately for my keys, another movement but this time I had more confidence, I thought "what could go wrong, I'm home" so.....I let go a ripper, even pausing to have a little "taste". Key in the lock, turn.....wrong key.....work key back into pocket, house key in lock.....another fart but it's not quite there, you know what I mean so as I turn the lock and open the door I push, wtf I haven't farted, I haven't sharted, I've completely let go a huge load of hot, stinking squitter, full on diahorrea and it's running down my leg, all no more than 5 secs from my toilet & why...........cos I got greedy and had a little taste, lesson learnt!!!! Don't get high on your own supply! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted June 27, 2013 Report Share Posted June 27, 2013 I was pissing on a river bank and fell in, is probably my most relevant story. Was rather pissed at the time coming back from City via a traditional boozer, so the wife got a good beating that night obviously. Another anacdote is a lad, who was hopelessly out of his depth on a football/drinking tour shat himself. Needless to say piss was mercilessly taken but I had a quiet respect for him actually trying to keep up. He also now regularly beats his wife - good lad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The dastardly red Posted July 25, 2013 Report Share Posted July 25, 2013 shorts, boxer shorts and flip flops and a long walk home, walked in the middle of the road to avoid people on the pavement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The dastardly red Posted July 25, 2013 Report Share Posted July 25, 2013 Haha this thread making me chuckle!! I can remember when we was kids at primary School we were sitting in the book corner and my mate farted on a thick radiator pipe whilst the teacher was reading a book! It was so loud it must have been heard in the next village!! He got asked to leave the classroom and go to the toilet !! That happened at least 22 years ago and we still talk about it regularly now!! Haha! This boy at school did one really loud one that made this noise "BOW WOW" The teacher said "who?" and the boy put his hand up she sent him out of class, on his way out he let go with a high pitched squeaker that went "BERT". whole classroom in hysterics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
osmanyoutool Posted July 25, 2013 Report Share Posted July 25, 2013 Haha! This boy at school did one really loud one that made this noise "BOW WOW" The teacher said "who?" and the boy put his hand up she sent him out of class, on his way out he let go with a high pitched squeaker that went "BERT". whole classroom in hysterics! that made me piss myself;not literally I mite add. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciderup Posted July 25, 2013 Report Share Posted July 25, 2013 Many moons ago, myself and a load of mates went to Port Vale. It was a warm day and most of us had shorts on. One of the mates (I will use his nickname to save his embarrassment), Plateau wore white shorts. After copious amounts of beer and on entering the visitors terrace, Plateau 'sharted'! After leaving the ground, purchasing new, pastille brown chino shorts, paying to get in again, Plateau reappeared rather sheepishly half way through the 2nd half. Suffice to say, it caused much merriment and severe piss taking for a very long time afterwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddarren Posted July 29, 2013 Report Share Posted July 29, 2013 My favourite-ever story. "My brother works for the Bedfordshire Constabulary and I was talking to him about the possibility of looking at buying one of the Corsa 1.2 hatchbacks they are selling off but he was light-heartedly suggesting caution because of some of the more unpleasant things that happen in those patrol vehicles. He found a story that had been posted on one of the police forums that he said was legendary across the forces. Wouldn't have fancied that particular vehicle without a new seat!! Made me laugh, just thought I'd share it here! "Here's the story I mentioned earlier about a copper at Old Trafford. It was a few years back now, can't remember the season but it was a match against Coventry City - my brother-in-law works for the GMP and has told this more than a few times. The story goes that on the day of the match, one young copper from Salford who was assigned to be on duty at the ground arrived at work 'the-morning-after-a-night-on-the-beer-and-curry', no doubt finished off by a tasty vindaloo or phall. He arrived at work next morning plagued with a bad case of the shits but on feeling better during the day, opted to stay and carry out his duty - a decision he no doubt later rued because on the way to the ground in the van the ruby hit back with a vengeance and he arrived there with those familiar gripping stomach spasms and hot sweats. However, neither time nor luck was on his side and the coppers were straight into the pre-matching briefing with the matchday stewards. The unfortunate plod was forced to sit through a tortuous thirty minute session alongside his amused mates and bemused stewards before the briefing finally ended with him not so much as 'touching-cloth' but more so with that awful 'pants-sticking-clammily-to-the-arse' feeling and the 'have-I-or-haven't-I?' question pounding in his head. And, even worse, all that straining to hold on had increased his need to piss to that of the proverbial racehorse. The briefing over, he tore off at the speed of light in the direction of the nearest bog, urged on by his hugely-unsympathetic colleagues, arriving at the lavatorial facility ... to find a single urinal and a solitary trap - engaged!! With the situation at crisis-point, he received directions to the nearest "proper" toilet facility, which was out of the front of the stand, briefly along pitchside and into one of the first aid facilities in the adjacent stand - and he hared off at such speed, that was the last his colleagues saw of him... ...the last that day for sure, because one unfortunate copper never made matchday duty. Instead he was returned to his nick after the uncontrollable eruption took place in his standard police-issue grundies, as he was in mid-flight, pitchside in his very own theatre of unforgettable dreams!! Poor plod was despatched back with the soggiest, stinkiest uniform trousers in the history of the Greater Manchester Police - and not just the rear end either!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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