Lack of Action Man Posted January 14, 2015 Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 Ok... So a lot of people may take the piss out of this post but I genuinely just want advice, right now it feels like none of the people in my close circle of friends have time for me. They're all either a) getting into committed relationships/ engaged b) moving away (or already live far away) from me to pursue career opportunities or lastly C) just aren't responding when I offer to meet up. It's really starting to get to me so any sensible advice would be appreciated. I'm in a committed relationship, have financial security and am also pursing a career but why is it that no one has time for me anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welcome To The Jungle Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Ok... So a lot of people may take the piss out of this post but I genuinely just want advice, right now it feels like none of the people in my close circle of friends have time for me. They're all either a) getting into committed relationships/ engaged b) moving away (or already live far away) from me to pursue career opportunities or lastly C) just aren't responding when I offer to meet up. It's really starting to get to me so any sensible advice would be appreciated. I'm in a committed relationship, have financial security and am also pursing a career but why is it that no one has time for me anymore. Maybe you smell? In all seriousness I wouldn't take it too much to heart. Unfortunately people move apart over time due to work/family and that's the way it goes. Keep trying to meet up but be open to the idea that there may be new people to socialise with too. Look at the older members of your family. In their lives they will have had two or three sets of school friends, friends from every area they lived in, friends from activities/sports they do, friends they've made at work etc etc. Some friendships last a life time but sadly most do not. Hope that doesn't sound too negative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin phantom Posted January 15, 2015 Admin Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Get your partner and go to a local pub / social club - wont take long to spot the same faces and strike up a friendship Other than that maybe your friends are trying to tell you something ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portland Bill Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Perhaps it's because your an odd ball,just a thought like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddevon Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 As WTTJ says, freindships move with the cycle of life. Have kids, and you will make loads of friends but won't be able to afford to meet up with them. Also, stop wearing that blue/ white quarter shirt! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Perhaps your beard and ever-present ruck-sack have caused your friends behaviour. Have you tried religion, brother? TFR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richwwtk Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 It sounds like your at the age where your friends are starting to have kids. I know that having children caused more upheaval to my social life than any other event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Ok... So a lot of people may take the piss out of this post but I genuinely just want advice, right now it feels like none of the people in my close circle of friends have time for me. They're all either a) getting into committed relationships/ engaged b) moving away (or already live far away) from me to pursue career opportunities or lastly C) just aren't responding when I offer to meet up. It's really starting to get to me so any sensible advice would be appreciated. I'm in a committed relationship, have financial security and am also pursing a career but why is it that no one has time for me anymore. To be honest the answer lies within your own post. Regrettably life and people move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBibs Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 What about the football team you recently joined on here? Quite enjoyed following those updates. Might be a social side to that? Life does move on and people's lives do seem really busy these days. The number of old mates I'm going to catch up with when I get round to it.... Hard not to take it personally but I'm sure it isn't anything personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrs Court Red Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 I had an active social life untill I bought a house and got married. At first it was ok, but as the novelty wore off for people coming over I started to notice different circles forming and inevitably others started to settle down too. I no longer fitted inwith the "saturday night on the pull" crowd and just found the whole "local pub" clique really cringey. I guess its called growing up. Fast forward 6 years and 2 kids later even a meal out seems like an utter ballache to arrange. Babysitters, taxis, venues blah blah blah. To avoid getting stuck in social hibernation completely I set up a group on facebook for all the lads that used to go out seemingly a lifetime ago, and we all go out once a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lack of Action Man Posted January 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Thanks for the positive messages here chaps, it's helped put an outside perspective on things. I'm still playing for that football team and I enjoy it very much. I'm also the one in yellow in my profile picture, not the gas player. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dezgimed Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Not been out in years, doesn't really appeal. Meals are tricky as people all pull out last minute. Facebook chat group enables regular bant and special occasions to be arranged e.g. Swindon away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrs Court Red Posted January 15, 2015 Report Share Posted January 15, 2015 Fast forward 6 years and 2 kids later people all pull out last minute. Aye, you're not wrong lad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lack of Action Man Posted January 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 So, is getting into a committed relationship and having kids the end of being able to enjoy having a social Life? I'm just not ready for that. Perhaps I'm immature Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 The social life just changes. You don't go out on the pee as much, you do stuff in groups with your kids. Try being 35, unable to have children, and not in a relationship. (I'm not trying to make this about me) but then you really don't fit in cos everyone else my age has that stuff, and I don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 .......... You should have said something earlier, Dolls. TFR P.S. You are a very youthful 35 - I would have said late 20's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddevon Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 Skip straight to the Grand Children. Look after them all week then on the p**s all weekend! The social life just changes. You don't go out on the pee as much, you do stuff in groups with your kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 The social life just changes. You don't go out on the pee as much, you do stuff in groups with your kids. Try being 35, unable to have children, and not in a relationship. (I'm not trying to make this about me) but then you really don't fit in cos everyone else my age has that stuff, and I don't. Try being 55 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'Orns Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 My missus is going through the same thing right now. Big group of friends from school / uni - we have a little one, and another friend has 2 kids, all the others are still currently childless They are always out on the razzle somewhere, booking holidays etc etc. Think my missus feels the same as you mate, a little left out. As others have said, it's all part of the lifecycle To be honest, I've turned into one of those boring ones, I'm happier when I'm with my girls then out on the lash nowadays. I have two from my first marriage that I only see every other weekend - nothing gets in the way of those weekends! I wouldn't worry about it too much mate (easy to say!), I used to feel the same, but I'm happier seeing all my mates a little less often, makes the get togethers more fun now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 55? Christ that's old. TFR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Robbo Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 My advice: get a local. I work away from home a lot, but when I'm back I always drop in for a pint or three. And if you pick the right place (some pubs are just soulless dives) it really will be like "Cheers" - where everybody knows your name. When I was young, I used to hang about with a pack of similarly aged guys, on the piss, on the pull etc. Now I'm happy to have a quiet drink and chat to neighbours and pub friends who may be 30 years younger or older than me! And you know what, the conversation is a lot better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrs Court Red Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 My advice: get a local. I work away from home a lot, but when I'm back I always drop in for a pint or three. And if you pick the right place (some pubs are just soulless dives) it really will be like "Cheers" - where everybody knows your name. When I was young, I used to hang about with a pack of similarly aged guys, on the piss, on the pull etc. Now I'm happy to have a quiet drink and chat to neighbours and pub friends who may be 30 years younger or older than me! And you know what, the conversation is a lot better!.. Despite my dig at the whole "local" thing further up, I do wish I had a pub to go to, even if just with the wife. The closest are either the Billy in North Common, orcthr Lamb in Cadbury Heath. Ill pass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red-Robbo Posted January 16, 2015 Report Share Posted January 16, 2015 .. Despite my dig at the whole "local" thing further up, I do wish I had a pub to go to, even if just with the wife. The closest are either the Billy in North Common, orcthr Lamb in Cadbury Heath. Ill pass! You're a younger man than me BCR, but that's why - when you hit the dreaded "middle-age" - finding a nice village with a good boozer is a Godsend. I lived in London for 17 years but I don't do "urban" these days. Chewing the shit over the bar with a pint of "the usual" is truly a wonderful thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted January 18, 2015 Report Share Posted January 18, 2015 Ok... So a lot of people may take the piss out of this post but I genuinely just want advice, right now it feels like none of the people in my close circle of friends have time for me. They're all either a) getting into committed relationships/ engaged b) moving away (or already live far away) from me to pursue career opportunities or lastly C) just aren't responding when I offer to meet up. It's really starting to get to me so any sensible advice would be appreciated. I'm in a committed relationship, have financial security and am also pursing a career but why is it that no one has time for me anymore. Think it's important to make an effort with all those around you at any particular time, strangers become mates but FRIENDS are an entirely different nutshell. There's a long held theory that you only have five FRIENDS in your whole lifetime, which I subscribe too. Think obligatory family holds people together, plus workmates (would love to have a band of brothers like I did as a kid, but life moves on). Loneliness is an unspoken sorrow for more than I would like to imagine. Anyway, hope you are well otib City friend..http://youtu.be/zEvoKVrrhf4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lack of Action Man Posted January 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2015 The social life just changes. You don't go out on the pee as much, you do stuff in groups with your kids. Try being 35, unable to have children, and not in a relationship. (I'm not trying to make this about me) but then you really don't fit in cos everyone else my age has that stuff, and I don't. I respect your post Dolly, but I have to add that I really enjoy the release that a good night out on the town can give me. I work a 40 hour week, sometimes not finishing until 1030 pm so being able to wipe all that out with several of thatchers finest and a good boogie woogie really helps me escape from how mundane adult life is. I mean, I can't be the only one who despairs at how many people are content to live simply to work? Life is not just there for you to spend all your time working, eating and sleeping - there has to be a release. As for kids... well, I know people my age who've got them but I'm no where near ready. Occsaionally I think I might be, but then I think I'd much rather be down the pub with the boys (and girls). Maybe that's a reflection on my persona? I don't know... Think it's important to make an effort with all those around you at any particular time, strangers become mates but FRIENDS are an entirely different nutshell. There's a long held theory that you only have five FRIENDS in your whole lifetime, which I subscribe too. Think obligatory family holds people together, plus workmates (would love to have a band of brothers like I did as a kid, but life moves on). Loneliness is an unspoken sorrow for more than I would like to imagine. Anyway, hope you are well otib City friend.. WTFigo - I think you've written the most balanced and hopeful message on here so far, so for that I thank you. And yes, I'm beginning to get my head round the concept that I'm going to lose some friends from Uni and from social circles who I don't live close to anymore, but will retain some of my better friends and gain new 'mates' as you put it through jobs and the like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRock Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 Sod sprogs, get a dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter O Hanraha-hanrahan Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 So, is getting into a committed relationship and having kids the end of being able to enjoy having a social Life? I'm just not ready for that. Perhaps I'm immature Not the end but it definately has a huge impact on your social life, even more so if your friends are in the same situation. It may seem like your mates don't have time for you however it's more likely that they are just getting older and personal circumstance have changed. I'm in my mid thirties and used to love going into town with my mates at least two Saturday nights every month but over the last ten years that has become one Saturday night in town every two or three months, and even then we don't do clubs anymore. Having a missus definately has an impact, I don't know many women who would put up with their bloke going out and getting shitfaced every weekend. The guys who don't respond to your offers to meet up are probably either totally under the thumb, have other commitments or just don't enjoy going out as much anymore. For what it's worth there's mates I've had who used to come out with us every time but slowly over the years they just stopped responding to our invites for nights out without any real explanation to the point where we no longer bother inviting them. I think your situation is totally normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinmabbuttshair Posted January 20, 2015 Report Share Posted January 20, 2015 To quote George Harrison, because it's easy " All Things Must Pass " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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