John Cleese at his wonderful best

[Esmond Million's Bung]

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015 EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC. 

Life is too short...

[...]

I thought you were dead, EMB?

 

TFR

[Esmond Million's Bung]

I thought you were dead, EMB?

 

TFR

I am.

[BS2 Red]

This is a spoof and was not written by John Cleese.

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/terrorismalert.asp

[...]

I am.

Oh no - I've said the wrong thing. When will I learn?

R.I.P. E.M.B. TFR

[Esmond Million's Bung]

 

Oh no - I've said the wrong thing. When will I learn?

R.I.P. E.M.B. TFR

I thank you, very touching.

 

 

[WhistleHappy]

This is a spoof and was not written by John Cleese.

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/terrorismalert.asp

Strangely disappointed that JC is not the author of this..

Reading it with Cleese in my minds eye it was hilarious, laugh out loud funny, now I know it has nothing to do with that lanky streak of Fawlty Monty Pythonesque'ness its lost me.. still a clever bit of internet webby humourous blox but without the 'Basil' its lost its razzle.

Shame really, to say the least, my level of jocularity has dropped from insanely patriotic guffawling fervour to mildly sniffy with a slight nasal tickle.I really thought for a brief moment there that JC had taken us back to pre-PC crazy Britain and the irreverent hilarious virtually anything goes (if its funny) comedy of the sixties and seventies.

Just goes to show that its not just the content of funny jokes and stories that makes us laugh but the comic delivering the lines .... I so wish John Cleese had really written this piece.... as Frank Carson used to say, 'its the way I tell 'em' .... Would've been a 'cracker' if JC really had penned it!

[Esmond Million's Bung]

Strangely disappointed that JC is not the author of this..

Reading it with Cleese in my minds eye it was hilarious, laugh out loud funny, now I know it has nothing to do with that lanky streak of Fawlty Monty Pythonesque'ness its lost me.. still a clever bit of internet webby humourous blox but without the 'Basil' its lost its razzle.

Shame really, to say the least, my level of jocularity has dropped from insanely patriotic guffawling fervour to mildly sniffy with a slight nasal tickle.I really thought for a brief moment there that JC had taken us back to pre-PC crazy Britain and the irreverent hilarious virtually anything goes (if its funny) comedy of the sixties and seventies.

Just goes to show that its not just the content of funny jokes and stories that makes us laugh but the comic delivering the lines .... I so wish John Cleese had really written this piece.... as Frank Carson used to say, 'its the way I tell 'em' .... Would've been a 'cracker' if JC really had penned it!

Still a cracker, it's just funny whoever penned it and whoever it was perhaps JC should employ them, his recent output has been poor IMO.

 

 

[WhistleHappy]

Still a crackor, it's just funny whoever penned it and whoever it was perhaps JC should employ them, his recent output has been poor IMO.

 

 

....youre right it is still funny, wouldve somehow been funnier if it was the work and return of a classic Cleese at his anarchic best though, miss the manic seventies.

Thanks for posting it