If Gm Were More Like Microsoft

[Ian M]

At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer

industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up

with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be

driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the

gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued

a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like

Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following

characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would

have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no

reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn,

would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in

which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you

bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more

seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,

reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but

would only run on five per cent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights

would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning

light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going

off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock

you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously

lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the

radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe

set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even

though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to

delete this option would immediately cause the car's

performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would

become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have

to learn how to drive all over again because none of the

controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.