WhistleHappy Posted March 23, 2017 Report Share Posted March 23, 2017 1 minute ago, Dollymarie said: It was the year I took my GCSES! .... but did you get an 'O' level? ( btw did you know you were born between a home league defeat to Derby ... and a losing away cup match at Notts Forest .. ? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted March 24, 2017 Report Share Posted March 24, 2017 8 hours ago, WhistleHappy said: .... but did you get an 'O' level? ( btw did you know you were born between a home league defeat to Derby ... and a losing away cup match at Notts Forest .. ? ) No, they didn't do O levels by the time it was my turn to leave school. Or is this a whoosh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhistleHappy Posted March 24, 2017 Report Share Posted March 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Dollymarie said: No, they didn't do O levels by the time it was my turn to leave school. Or is this a whoosh? Was related to the 'innocent til '96 ' thing... so a slight whoosh. (admittedly not my best ever 'pun' though tbh..) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted March 25, 2017 Report Share Posted March 25, 2017 Come on Unk, the suspense is getting too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted March 28, 2017 Report Share Posted March 28, 2017 Where are you Unk ? Please come back home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted March 31, 2017 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 On 28/03/2017 at 19:19, BigTone said: Where are you Unk ? Please come back home. Concentrating on National Kindness Day today, you ugly ******d. tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted March 31, 2017 Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 1 hour ago, Taxi for Johnson said: Concentrating on National Kindness Day today, you ugly ******d. tfj Just back from the Dentist and now a message from you. How can my day get any better ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted April 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 We could do dentistry, but it basically means:- - brush you teeth at least twice a day, using a good quality toothpaste; - brush for at least two minutes; - change your brush regularly; - spit rather than rinse, as more toothpaste (thereby protection) stays on your teeth; - try not to eat too much sugar - this includes some fruit and fruit juice; - visit the dentist at least once a year - twice is good; - if the dental nurse is hot, think about Lee Johnson instead to control your erection. Thats it really! tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted April 2, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 Me?? Oral B Pro-expert. tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 2, 2017 Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 1 hour ago, Taxi for Johnson said: Me?? Oral B Pro-expert. tfj Me ?? Oral expert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 2, 2017 Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 3 hours ago, Taxi for Johnson said: We could do dentistry, but it basically means:- - brush you teeth at least twice a day, using a good quality toothpaste; Sensodyne or Corsodyl is best. - brush for at least two minutes; Bollocks it should be at least 5 and then use the little interdental brushes in between your teeth. - change your brush regularly; Not with the bog brush. - spit rather than rinse, as more toothpaste (thereby protection) stays on your teeth; Bollocks, rinse with Corsodyl mouth wash and spit only. - try not to eat too much sugar - this includes some fruit and fruit juice; Bollocks, if you clean your teeth it makes no difference. - visit the dentist at least once a year - twice is good; Bollocks, visit only when you think your jaw is about to fall off. - if the dental nurse is hot, think about Lee Johnson instead to control your erection. Bollocks, just bend her over and give her a good flossing in between rinses. Thats it really! tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 8, 2017 Report Share Posted April 8, 2017 Ok Unk I need your advice. What is the best way to remove those "hard to shift" skids in my Y fronts ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted April 8, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2017 2 hours ago, BigTone said: Ok Unk I need your advice. What is the best way to remove those "hard to shift" skids in my Y fronts ? You dirty bird ......... Since you ask:- 1) Always keep yourself clean and in particular, wipe your bottom properly; 2) Pre-soak the skidded items using a pre-wash, and a car cleaning bucket; 3) Usually with good detergent, a 30' cool wash will be sufficient; 4) Failing 3) use a warmer wash cycle; 5) Failing 4) bin them and buy new ones in a dark colour. Hope this helps. tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 16, 2017 Report Share Posted April 16, 2017 Unk, I really appreciate your advice regarding washing the car and I have followed everything you have said to the letter. The problem is that whilst the car sparkles and shines like never before it also seems that I have painted a target on the roof for the seagulls to crap all over. In fact the last 2 or 3 may have actually been an Albatross. It seems they are happy to swoop down and pinch little Johnny's ice cream on the beach but then come and poop a 99 on my car !! How can I stop the bastards from doing this. I can sit at my bedroom window with a shotgun and shoot at them but this only scratches the duco and upsets the neighbours if I miss. Please I need your urgent help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted April 16, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2017 2 hours ago, BigTone said: Unk, I really appreciate your advice regarding washing the car and I have followed everything you have said to the letter. The problem is that whilst the car sparkles and shines like never before it also seems that I have painted a target on the roof for the seagulls to crap all over. In fact the last 2 or 3 may have actually been an Albatross. It seems they are happy to swoop down and pinch little Johnny's ice cream on the beach but then come and poop a 99 on my car !! How can I stop the bastards from doing this. I can sit at my bedroom window with a shotgun and shoot at them but this only scratches the duco and upsets the neighbours if I miss. Please I need your urgent help Just go with the punches - there is little you can do to stop those pesky gulls emptying their bottoms on your car. At least it's clean and the crap will be easier to remove. tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 16, 2017 Report Share Posted April 16, 2017 11 minutes ago, Taxi for Johnson said: Just go with the punches - there is little you can do to stop those pesky gulls emptying their bottoms on your car. At least it's clean and the crap will be easier to remove. tfj I understand but when the car is nice and sparkly I get a tad piddled off to find a 3kg sardine turd sitting on the roof the next morning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
... Posted April 17, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2017 19 hours ago, BigTone said: I understand but when the car is nice and sparkly I get a tad piddled off to find a 3kg sardine turd sitting on the roof the next morning Try the following:- 1) After washing AND drying your car, park it in a garage & close the door. 2) " " " " " ' " " under cover. 3) " " " " " " " " put a car cover over it. 4) " " " " " " " " in a 'least likely to be crapped on' location: sit down and think about this last option before you dismiss it. tfj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 18 hours ago, Taxi for Johnson said: Try the following:- 1) After washing AND drying your car, park it in a garage & close the door. 2) " " " " " ' " " under cover. 3) " " " " " " " " put a car cover over it. 4) " " " " " " " " in a 'least likely to be crapped on' location: sit down and think about this last option before you dismiss it. tfj Regrettably my apartment in Weymouth does not have covered parking so I suppose I'll just have to go back to the shotgun method. The "least likely to be crapped on location" is my home in France but that's a bit of a walk to get it when I want to go to Sainsburys. No, shotgun it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 MHH's top tip:- Never listen to any top tip from TfJ....he howls at the moon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 13 minutes ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said: MHH's top tip:- Never listen to any top tip from TfJ....he howls at the moon He's a "she devil" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 Just now, BigTone said: He's a "she devil" ? He is definitely "something". More of a Tasmanian devil on medication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 Squadron ready for take off Mission accomplished Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 8 minutes ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said: He is definitely "something". More of a Tasmanian devil on medication. Oooer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 1 hour ago, BigTone said: Regrettably my apartment in Weymouth does not have covered parking so I suppose I'll just have to go back to the shotgun method. The "least likely to be crapped on location" is my home in France but that's a bit of a walk to get it when I want to go to Sainsburys. No, shotgun it is. Can't you get a lethally trained shitehawk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 On Saturday, April 08, 2017 at 13:33, BigTone said: Ok Unk I need your advice. What is the best way to remove those "hard to shift" skids in my Y fronts ? Wipe your arse properly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 1 hour ago, Mike Hunt-Hertz said: Wipe your arse properly? I do but you still get the odd dangleberry that hangs around to annoy you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 Just now, BigTone said: I do but you still get the odd dangleberry that hangs around Tagnuts are the bane of the more mature, hairy-arsed chap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 Just now, Mike Hunt-Hertz said: Tagnuts are the bane of the more mature, hairy-arsed chap. I've tried some of that Vite stuff that the girls use to get rid of their leg hair but it's a bit greasy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 Just now, BigTone said: I do but you still get the odd dangleberry that hangs around to annoy you You are a cosmopolitan chap. What about a bidet? Or a jetwash, gingerly appled to the starfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Hunt-Hertz Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 1 minute ago, BigTone said: I've tried some of that Vite stuff that the girls use to get rid of their leg hair but it's a bit greasy I applied that to my nutsack, before my vasectomy. Holy Jesus Christ. I almost didn't bother with the op, as my knackers had turned to soap. MHH's 2nd top tip:- Never Immac your scrotum, fellas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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