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Quality Jokes Needed - Fast


Wurzel of Oz

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Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp.......

He bought a warehouse!

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

Rock-it!

And a slightly longer one I will go and find a sec

There were three balloons ... a daddy balloon, a mummy balloon and a baby balloon.

One night all the balloons went to bed but there was a thunderstorm and baby balloon was frightened. He floated across the hall into daddy and mummy balloon's bedroom and asked if he could get into bed with them.

"No!" replied daddy balloon and sent him back to his own room.

Next there was a huge flash of lightening and again baby balloon floated across the hall into daddy and mummy balloon's bedroom and asked if he could get into bed with them.

"No!" replied mummy balloon and sent him back to his own room.

Then came a loud crash of thunder and again baby balloon floated into mummy and daddy balloon's bedroom but found them sleeping. He floated into the middle of them but there was no room to squeeze inbetween so he let a little bit of air out of daddy balloon but still couldn't fit. Then he let a little bit of air out of mummy balloon but still couldn't fit so he let a little bit of air out of himself and slowly slid in between them.

In the morning he was woken by daddy and mummy balloon who were disappointed to find him in bed with them and told baby balloon,

"you've let me down, you've let your mother down but worst of all you've let yourself down".

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OK I need some quality jokes for tomorrw, preferably ones for a double act to do ... and they need to be clean! Can anyone help?!!

Sam :city:

Hi ya mate, "have'nt seen you for a long time"?

"No, i've been in hospital, having this horrible mole removed from my Pe--s"?

" Wont be sha---ng one of those again"! :farmer:

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I was sat at a bus stop the other day when I noticed a women digging holes along the side of the road.

To my amazment an other woman was walking along behind her filling the holes in again.

I watched for ages as one woman digged a hole and her friend filled it in again.

I just had to ask why this was happening. I walked up to the women and asked what the hell they were doing.

The first women looked at me shrugged her shoulders abd said " I know, I know but the the women who normally plants the trees is off sick today"....

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I was walking through the Olympic Village the other day and I saw a big man walking towards me with a stick over his shoulder.

I asked him if he was a Pole Vaulter.

He said No he was German but how did I know his name was Walter!!!

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