Mr T Pities The Fool

[Guest Neo]

Not city related, but, do I look bothered? It's Xmas!

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr.T is going to walk.

Mr.T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr.T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

You have only seen Mr.T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.

Mr.T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr.T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr.T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

The last time Mr.T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.

What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

In 1995, Mr.T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks,

gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr.T

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr.T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr.T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

In 1989, Mr.T systematically killed every member of the band "MR.MISTER" for stealing his first name.

On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr.T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Mr.T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

Mr.T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.

Before Mr.T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.

Why does Mr.T still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!

Sticks and stones may break your bones but Mr T. will also crush your internal organs.

Mr.T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?", Willis chit himself.

Mr.T doesn't feel pain; pain feels Mr. T

Every time Mr.T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

Revolving doors were invented to keep Mr. T from kicking them in all the time.

[Guest DrFaustus]

Merry Christmas Neo, you oddball.

[Guest Neo]

The inevitable follow-up. Chuck Norris!!

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead

decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he

grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from

cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also

requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on

his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned

beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK

assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his

beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could

chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU

RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.

Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't

###### with Chuck!"

Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement

and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the

blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and

unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was

finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his

soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and

admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second

Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck

Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of

"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,

jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence

to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of

roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked

15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds

of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat

that,Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck

Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and

starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from

drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too

much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and

saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,

"Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on

Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His

reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse

every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and poo on their

floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are

trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from

"Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of

Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If

you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my

virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected

with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of

course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the

fatality rate of the actors he fights.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck

Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that

Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged

to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him

exact change.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put

razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his"

way. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he

can "accidentally" beat the poo out of little kids.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,

"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back

five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw

it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry

sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a

roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his

daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train

really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with

"Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse.

[Guest revkev]

Not city related, but, do I look bothered? It's Xmas!

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr.T is going to walk.

Mr.T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Mr.T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

You have only seen Mr.T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.

Mr.T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr.T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr.T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

The last time Mr.T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.

What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

In 1995, Mr.T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks,

gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr.T

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr.T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr.T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

In 1989, Mr.T systematically killed every member of the band "MR.MISTER" for stealing his first name.

On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr.T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Mr.T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

Mr.T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.

Before Mr.T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.

Why does Mr.T still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!

Sticks and stones may break your bones but Mr T. will also crush your internal organs.

Mr.T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?", Willis chit himself.

Mr.T doesn't feel pain; pain feels Mr. T

Every time Mr.T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

Revolving doors were invented to keep Mr. T from kicking them in all the time.

Merry Christmas, but lay off the mind altering drugs, eh?

[Pilnin]

Merry Christmas Neo, you oddball.

Took the words outta my mouth, although I may have added "bent," to "oddball."

[Guest Neo]

Took the words outta my mouth, although I may have added "bent," to "oddball."

You can add pi$$ed now. Mr T pities me too!

[Guest CITY BOY DAVE]

I'd put more water with it neo

[RED4LIFE]

Neo, thats brilliant (both of em). never mind what the others say, stay on the mind altering drugs!

I laughed so hard a small squirt of wee came out

[Guest Neo]

Neo, thats brilliant (both of em). never mind what the others say, stay on the mind altering drugs!

I laughed so hard a small squirt of wee came out

Only a small bit? i'm sat in a pool myself. Damn Pampers! :@

[Pilnin]

Oooooooh Neo

[Guest Pacey time]

Oh Lord you havent put the Vin Diesel facts up, by far the funniest.....

(apologies for some of the launguage, its just copied and pasted mind)

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. fu©k you, team.

When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fu©k down.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is bull5h1t!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's poo.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fu©king another.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Vin Diesel haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

[rayer]

very very funny thread

[Nibor]

I ain't getting in no plane.