Badgers...

[mozo]

Our furry friends or hounds of Satan?

Disgust...

[barry_manc]

OH GOD. I was leaving, promise you, I was on my way out, and then this comes up.

Badgers, man, where do I start?

Hard as ####. Thats where.

Hardest living thing going (is titanium alive?) simple as. Can kick your face off without knowing it.

Can ravage 12 badgerettes in a minute (don't tell me your not jealous) and provides enough sperm each bout to feed 12 Courtney Love's.

To generalise:

A fearsome reckoning in the modern era.

Now look what you've done, I'm missing lost.

[mozo]

OH GOD. I was leaving, promise you, I was on my way out, and then this comes up.

Badgers, man, where do I start?

Hard as ####. Thats where.

Hardest living thing going (is titanium alive?) simple as. Can kick your face off without knowing it.

Can ravage 12 badgerettes in a minute (don't tell me your not jealous) and provides enough sperm each bout to feed 12 Courtney Love's.

To generalise:

A fearsome reckoning in the modern era.

Now look what you've done, I'm missing lost.

Balls to Lost, being stuck on an island of slightly miffed badgers - now THAT's scary.

Interesting scientifically proved Courtney Love stat Baz, I hear Marc Almond once kept badgers

[the wiltshire 1]

Balls to Lost, being stuck on an island of slightly miffed badgers - now THAT's scary.

Interesting scientifically proved Courtney Love stat Baz, I hear Marc Almond once kept badgers

i can vouch for that i spent 3 weeks being chased around orkney by irate badgers, they told me in the travel agents it was an exotic adventure holiday.

[WTFiGO!?!]

Can't really argue with Baz's critique.

Funny though, that saying about Scotsman being as tight as a certain orifice of a badger, who the hell figured out the tautness of it? Surely you wouldn't just go up and ask them same as you wouldn't go and ask a hardened hooligan the same question. A mystery.

[deadratinmycider]

My mate got charged by a big badger after coming home drunk

one night. The beast was in his front garden plain as day (well, night)

and went right for him.

He said he ran screaming into the house, he's never been the same since I reckon.

[BigTone]

My mate got charged by a big badger after coming home drunk

one night. The beast was in his front garden plain as day (well, night)

and went right for him.

He said he ran screaming into the house, he's never been the same since I reckon.

Taken from a Badger web site:

Badgers are rarely seen during the day, but forage for food at night. Their favourite foods are earthworms, insects, roots, fruits and berries. They may on occasion catch a young rabbit or even a frog. Their particular favourite is to lie in wait in front gardens and attack drunks coming home from the pub. They are powerful animals about the size of a spaniel, and the male (boar), weighing up to 11 kilos, is slightly larger than the female (sow).

[deadratinmycider]

Taken from a Badger web site:

Badgers are rarely seen during the day, but forage for food at night. Their favourite foods are earthworms, insects, roots, fruits and berries. They may on occasion catch a young rabbit or even a frog. Their particular favourite is to lie in wait in front gardens and attack drunks coming home from the pub. They are powerful animals about the size of a spaniel, and the male (boar), weighing up to 11 kilos, is slightly larger than the female (sow).

Well I'll be damned!

[barry_manc]

There really aren't enough hours in the day when it comes badger debating. Which leads me nicely on to the subject of Badger Baiting. It's stupid if you ask me, teasing them for a reaction, like I say, they could kick your face off in about a second. It's a growing trend across the Home counties, in built up farmlands and the like, they go to the badgers chosen home and poke inanimate things at them (COWARDS). They really don't seem to know what they are messing around with - yes a badger's exterior looks cute and fluffy, but get on the wrond side of em, and you'll be eating out of a tub in a morticians before long. So my advice, kids, is don't follow the trend, Winners don't do Badger Baiting.

Balls to Lost, being stuck on an island of slightly miffed badgers - now THAT's scary.

I've just #### meself at the thought.

Interesting scientifically proved Courtney Love stat Baz, I hear Marc Almond once kept badgers

Who?

i can vouch for that i spent 3 weeks being chased around orkney by irate badgers, they told me in the travel agents it was an exotic adventure holiday.

Well that's the thing, there's two sides to every coin, badgers can be the ferioucious and mind blowingly scary to one person, but to the next they'll be cute and adorable. I find them 'exotic' anyway.

Can't really argue with Baz's critique.

Funny though, that saying about Scotsman being as tight as a certain orifice of a badger, who the hell figured out the tautness of it? Surely you wouldn't just go up and ask them same as you wouldn't go and ask a hardened hooligan the same question. A mystery.

Noone has ever lived to tell the tale about the tautness of said orifice. The fact that badgers are that uptight about, what is, in honesty, a routine procedure (where I'm from at least), means surely that it is tight, or else what are they hiding? A pot of gold... ?

My mate got charged by a big badger after coming home drunk

one night. The beast was in his front garden plain as day (well, night)

and went right for him.

He said he ran screaming into the house, he's never been the same since I reckon.

I'd say he's lucky to be alive. They would be Kings of the Jungle, if they didn't live in the English countryside...

Taken from a Badger web site:

Badgers are rarely seen during the day, but forage for food at night. Their favourite foods are earthworms, insects, roots, fruits and berries. Blatant lies, they like Mars Bars and Spinach. They may on occasion catch a young rabbit or even a frog. They'll catch whatever the hell they like Their particular favourite is to lie in wait in front gardens and attack drunks coming home from the pub. To steal their crack and sell it on back to the drunken muppet They are powerful animals about the size of a spaniel, and the male (boar), weighing up to 11 kilos, is slightly larger than the female (sow).

What I admire about Badgers, other than their ruthless, borish mentallity, is the fact that they have their heads well and truely secured. They know about crack, they steal it, but don't use it, cos they've got more onss than that, they just sell it back to the idiots in the playgrounds. Fair play I say, fair play, now gimme some crack

[mozo]

Taken from a Badger web site:

Badgers are rarely seen during the day, but forage for food at night. Their favourite foods are earthworms, insects, roots, fruits and berries. They may on occasion catch a young rabbit or even a frog. Their particular favourite is to lie in wait in front gardens and attack drunks coming home from the pub. They are powerful animals about the size of a spaniel, and the male (boar), weighing up to 11 kilos, is slightly larger than the female (sow).

That quote irresponsibly missed out the part about badgers devouring humans in seconds - just for a laugh.

Who?

Everyone should know the Marc Almond urban myth. He was the singer for eighties favourites Soft Cell, who most famously had a hit with the timeless 'Tainted Love'.

So the legend goes, Marc Almond, a gay icon, once had his stomach pumped. There were four pints, so they say, of a certain fluid pumped from his belly! The rest I'll leave to your imagination. Let's just say he must have been storing it somewhere for a special occasion!

Badgers may have been involved, depending on the accuracy of your Courtney Love 'fact'.

[RED4LIFE]

It seems everyones forgetting about the deadliest bugger of all..........The Skunk.

Its the same as a badger, but with the ability to shoot some sort of stinking fluid at you too.

Even the most potent cannabis is named after the blighters, which goes to show how tough they are. :Cool27:

Cant trust the shifty little things imho.

[WTFiGO!?!]

It seems everyones forgetting about the deadliest bugger of all..........The Skunk.

Its the same as a badger, but with the ability to shoot some sort of stinking fluid at you too.

Even the most potent cannabis is named after the blighters, which goes to show how tough they are. :Cool27:

Cant trust the shifty little things imho.

I always thought it made lovely aftershave.

Back to badgers though, I'm surprised Mrs. L hasn't been on to give some personal insight into badgerism - makes you wonder what she is doing - badgering Mr. L about the East End I s'pect.

[Dorset_Cider]

Balls to Lost, being stuck on an island of slightly miffed badgers - now THAT's scary.

Interesting scientifically proved Courtney Love stat Baz, I hear Marc Almond once kept badgers

You were wrong..... Marc had a thing for pigs...... so I am told?

Dairy Farmers don't like em because of the threat of TB, badgers that is........... Bodger & Badger now there was a kids TV show

[barry_manc]

That quote irresponsibly missed out the part about badgers devouring humans in seconds - just for a laugh.

Everyone should know the Marc Almond urban myth. He was the singer for eighties favourites Soft Cell, who most famously had a hit with the timeless 'Tainted Love'.

So the legend goes, Marc Almond, a gay icon, once had his stomach pumped. There were four pints, so they say, of a certain fluid pumped from his belly! The rest I'll leave to your imagination. Let's just say he must have been storing it somewhere for a special occasion!

Badgers may have been involved, depending on the accuracy of your Courtney Love 'fact'.

Yes I remember hearing about it now, just didn't research the mans life history unlike some

Saw a Family Guy last night where Chris the kid is yanked into a supermarket fridge and this Almond fella starts singing Take Me On before doing something odd with what looks like milk...

Badgers, ahem, are breeding gods. There is a beast called the Tanuki, which is I beleive the Asian equivalent of a badger (but possibly even better), I recently read a book called Villa Incognito by Tom Robbins where the first sentance of the book goes:

"It has been reported that Tanuki fell from the sky using his scrotum as a parachute."

The book then goes onto describe the badgers very large sized scrotum in various contexts, takes us on a few sexual conquests (with what can only be described as fiiiiine brawds) and generally leaves you feeling miffed about being born human and not badger.

You were wrong..... Marc had a thing for pigs...... so I am told?

Dairy Farmers don't like em because of the threat of TB, badgers that is........... Bodger & Badger now there was a kids TV show

Pfft it was completely inaccurate. To assume that badgers eat mash potatoe? Not even Hugo Mash would go along with that one. They eat meat, and lots of it.

[barry_manc]

Hrm, Colby's post in the pranks thread has just reminded me of a badger story. In third year at uni we did a lot of 'Grand Nationals' when you have a drunken race through a row of peoples back gardens. During these jaunts we would often fall on our faces and ramble off with what ever 'souveneers' we could find. These were often garden ornaments and one time, I found a badger statue. This, obviously became an integral part of our house, and took main stage on the fireplace.

Now, we had a house party a couple of months later, by this stage the statue had become legendary, was named (Jeff Hardy) and given a history. At the house party everyone had to kiss the statue before being allowed in. A fair few kisses later, this guy who was in fairness wasted, thought it would be a great idea to get the statue and smash it in the road. Jeff was dead. Long live the queen. Oh, I mean, we had a go at him, gave a few lectures and said he had to replace the oracle.

A few days later I stumble out of my room one morning, and there's a bin bag on the floor just outside the front door. Smelling a funky smell, I look inside and the #### has left a ####ing dead badger in the bag. WTF I ask you, wtf. Ran around like a girl for a bit before lugging it outside and at the bottom of the garden. He'd found a road kill and remembered that he owed us a badger and there you go.. Rancid bashstard got it thrown at his window a few days later....

Not sure why I posted this now but it's too long to delete so there you go