Nogbad the Bad Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 My nose has got no dog I reckon WTF swiped it to replace the dog that mysteriously went missing from his nose. Otherwise two unrelated nose-dog disappearances would be very worrying. Thankfully my nose's dog remains firmly in it's usual place, but i'm keeping a firm eye on my nose just in case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barry_manc Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 I reckon WTF swiped it to replace the dog that mysteriously went missing from his nose. Otherwise two unrelated nose-dog disappearances would be very worrying. Thankfully my nose's dog remains firmly in it's usual place, but i'm keeping a firm eye on my nose just in case. He's a tealeaf that wtf, I've seen his type before. Owes me ten of the queen's shillings, no less, and is still without repent, I find it quite sickening. He's got no remorse but he has got a stolen horse.Obviously you're keeping an eye on your nose, in fact two eyes (unless you just have the one and no fake eye) if you weren't keeping your eye on your nose, where would it be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogbad the Bad Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 He's a tealeaf that wtf, I've seen his type before. Owes me ten of the queen's shillings, no less, and is still without repent, I find it quite sickening. He's got no remorse but he has got a stolen horse.Obviously you're keeping an eye on your nose, in fact two eyes (unless you just have the one and no fake eye) if you weren't keeping your eye on your nose, where would it be? I sometimes keep an eye on the ladies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barry_manc Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 I sometimes keep an eye on the ladies. Sounds quite painful. Stear clear of those pr!ckley (as if they censor that!) ear rings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogbad the Bad Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Sounds quite painful. Stear clear of those pr!ckley (as if they censor that!) ear rings I tend to keep a eye on the front ( or back ) of the ladies rather than the side, so haven't encountered problems. Some of them are rather an eyefull though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 going to try again okHow do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogbad the Bad Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 going to try again okHow do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? Let him fall out of his cot and he'll soon be seeing stars? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bucksred Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 going to try again okHow do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?Play Coldplay or Keane to him........................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 He's a tealeaf that wtf, I've seen his type before. Owes me ten of the queen's shillings, no less, and is still without repent, I find it quite sickening. He's got no remorse but he has got a stolen horse. Hm, I'll be throwing the tealeaf accusations back at you over on your (worrying) tranny thread young man!As for that tenner, I know you're just fishing for a reaction you little wind up merchant so I'm saying nothing other than that we've been over this before. Your buggering off up north has done nothing to aid the repayment incidentally.My nose is still without it's dog btw. SIGH. There is a cash reward. All be it a very small one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Let him fall out of his cot and he'll soon be seeing stars? Play Coldplay or Keane to him........................ You two are seriously rubbish!The answer is......wait for it.......drum roll please........Rock-it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bucksred Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 The answer is......wait for it.......drum roll please........Rock-it! Look matey it works on my hyperactive nephew, so, I'll stick to Cantplay and Keane!! :razz: :razz: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogbad the Bad Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 You two are seriously rubbish!The answer is......wait for it.......drum roll please........Rock-it! Getting better Dolly, if that were possible. What's today's rib tickling teaser ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Getting better Dolly, if that were possible. What's today's rib tickling teaser ? How do you start a Milk Pudding race? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 A man walks into a bar.......(punchline coming later, feel free to add your own possible versions to see if its as funny as mine) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 A man walks into a bar.......(punchline coming later, feel free to add your own possible versions to see if its as funny as mine)Ouch !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Ouch !! Dammit Tone, how many times do I have to tell you not to spoil my jokes!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deadratinmycider Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 A man walks into a bar.........and bumps into Sir Colby eyeing up the tranny show? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nogbad the Bad Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Dammit Tone, how many times do I have to tell you not to spoil my jokes!!! Darn it, missed Dolly's Daily Diaphragm Distender. It's still hilarious over an hour later, proves it stands the test of time.How do you start a Milk Pudding race? You get Adam Milk Pudding and Eve Milk Pudding and put them together in a really nice big garden? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Rocker Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Look, I said I'd send the Black & Decker drill........ that was the swap wasn't it?Keep the B&D mate, you might need it But seriously though, here's my joke explained in full:"My wife's gone to Poole.""In Dorset?""Yes, I'd recommend it to anyone!" Geddit? "In Dorset!" "Endorse it!" See what I did?*looks for tumbleweed smiley* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrFaustus Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Not sure how long this post will stay, but here goes...A guy askes his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamboghini Countach - she loves this car she goes every where in it. One day she picks up her kids from school, she's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor " Where is my son he was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham?" The doctor replies "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he wont be able to kick a football any more."The woman asks about her daughter "Doctor where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at wimbeldon" The doctor says "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and shewont be able to pick up a racket any more" She begins to cry."Doctor" asks the woman, "How long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, " 6 months". "So what's the date?" asks the woman"April 1st" says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then were you?" Doctor: "YES.........they both died in inpact" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fat Controller Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Oh Doc, you rise to new lows! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 You get Adam Milk Pudding and Eve Milk Pudding and put them together in a really nice big garden? Sago ( a Tommy Cooper special)Dammit Tone, how many times do I have to tell you not to spoil my jokes!!! My profuse apologies Oh lovely one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigTone Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Not sure how long this post will stay, but here goes...A guy askes his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamboghini Countach - she loves this car she goes every where in it. One day she picks up her kids from school, she's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor " Where is my son he was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham?" The doctor replies "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he wont be able to kick a football any more."The woman asks about her daughter "Doctor where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at wimbeldon" The doctor says "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and shewont be able to pick up a racket any more" She begins to cry."Doctor" asks the woman, "How long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, " 6 months". "So what's the date?" asks the woman"April 1st" says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then were you?" Doctor: "YES.........they both died in inpact"Love it A young couple are driving up the motorway playing Trivial Pursuit. He pulls out a question and asks "What was Whitney Houstons first number one hit?" Just as he finishes the question they are are is involved in a huge accident leaving them upside down in a ditch. She is critically injured and just as she takes her last breath she gasps "I will always love you" to which he replies " Wrong, it was The Greatest Love of All" !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fat Controller Posted June 29, 2006 Report Share Posted June 29, 2006 Love it A young couple are driving up the motorway playing Trivial Pursuit. He pulls out a question and asks "What was Whitney Houstons first number one hit?" Just as he finishes the question they are are is involved in a huge accident leaving them upside down in a ditch. She is critically injured and just as she takes her last breath she gasps "I will always love you" to which he replies " Wrong, it was The Greatest Love of All" !!I'll get your coat fer you Tone......As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriffasks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then Isaw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there wasanother tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... Idon't know how to tell you this, but the only thing evenresembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your airfreshener." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dollymarie Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Ok heres another blinder...England are playing Brazil in the next round of the world cup, and all the players are in the dressing room scared about the thought of playing us, all apart from Ronaldo who offers to let his team mates go down the pub as he thinks he can take on England single handedly and still beat us.So his team mates troop off down the pub, and after 20 mins Ronaldinho says to the barman, "scuse me mate can you put the teletext on so we can see how Brazil are doing against England"The barman puts it on, and sure enough Brazil are winning one nil. They start celebrating, then towards the end of the match, Ronaldinho asks if he can put the teletext on again so they can see how Brazil are doing. Now its one all, the team arent too disappointed as it is Ronaldo out there on his own.After the match, they all head off back to the dressing room to celebrate with Ronaldo for managing to draw with England, but when they get there they find Ronaldo with his head in his hands, crying."Whats up mate?" Ronaldinho says "We drew with the English"In between sobs Ronaldo says "Its not that, I got sent off after 30 mins!!!!" Boom boom tish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTFiGO!?! Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Ok heres another blinder...England are playing Brazil in the next round of the world cup, and all the players are in the dressing room scared about the thought of playing us, all apart from Ronaldo who offers to let his team mates go down the pub as he thinks he can take on England single handedly and still beat us.So his team mates troop off down the pub, and after 20 mins Ronaldinho says to the barman, "scuse me mate can you put the teletext on so we can see how Brazil are doing against England"The barman puts it on, and sure enough Brazil are winning one nil. They start celebrating, then towards the end of the match, Ronaldinho asks if he can put the teletext on again so they can see how Brazil are doing. Now its one all, the team arent too disappointed as it is Ronaldo out there on his own.After the match, they all head off back to the dressing room to celebrate with Ronaldo for managing to draw with England, but when they get there they find Ronaldo with his head in his hands, crying."Whats up mate?" Ronaldinho says "We drew with the English"In between sobs Ronaldo says "Its not that, I got sent off after 30 mins!!!!" Boom boom tish!tish boom boom! My older brother threatenened I with a joke, I said ''cub's honour, it's not shyte'', he gave the above joke. I laughed politely, then cried.It's the way you tell type it that counts though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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