Ever Wonder...

[Avonmouth Docker]

EVER WONDER...

....why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

why doctors call what they do "practice"?

..why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while

dishwashing

liquid

is made with real lemons?

....why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

..why there isn't mouse-flavoured cat food?

..who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

..why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used

for

the

indestructible black box ?

....why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck

together?

...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of

progress?

....why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so

safe?

AND...

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed

because

of

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer

goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and

that's the

only

time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase

necessary.

Details

inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and

that

would

be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but,

it's

"just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn

upside

down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after

heating."

(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

(but

wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate

machinery

after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the

rate

of

construction accidents if we could

just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm

taking

this

because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use

only."

(as

opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other

use."

(now,

somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a

news

flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open

packet,

eat

nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On

a

child's

superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you

to

fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your

hands

or

genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[whale]

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your

hands

or

genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[barry_manc]

We had one of those when I was at school in an assembly and one of them was from a Japanese knife:

Warning, do not insert

!