Mens Rules

[The Fat Controller]

Might be a repost, but here goes....

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about

you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that

way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we

do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all

comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act

like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We

have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's

wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine....

Really .

1 Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as football, rugby, the offside rule, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch

tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that?

It's like camping.

[KevinC]

And the colour thing: WHAT THE HELL IS TAUPE ANYWAY????????

[The Fat Controller]

The color refers to the French name for the European Mole, Talpa europaea

[KevinC]

The color refers to the French name for the European Mole, Talpa europaea

Thanks. Being male I only deal in primary colours

[The Fat Controller]

Thanks. Being male I only deal in primary colours

Note; "The colour refers to...."

And therefore isnt actually a colour.

[KevinC]

Note; "The colour refers to...."

And therefore isnt actually a colour.

Sorry, I've tapped into the conceptual philosophy forum by mistake!!

[The Fat Controller]

Sorry, I've tapped into the conceptual philosophy forum by mistake!!

Conceptual Philopshy would be a little deep for otib don't you think?

[KevinC]

Conceptual Philopshy would be a little deep for otib don't you think?

Not at all, I've had deeply stimulating converstaions on this forum. For example, Goblin's 17th century revisionist history column is fascinating, as is the ongoing Middle east debate on the non Footy forum. And where else would I be able to share in a duet with Malone FM singing "Help! It's the hair Bear Bunch"?

[The Fat Controller]

Not at all, I've had deeply stimulating converstaions on this forum. For example, Goblin's 17th century revisionist history column is fascinating, as is the ongoing Middle east debate on the non Footy forum. And where else would I be able to share in a duet with Malone FM singing "Help! It's the hair Bear Bunch"?

For all this and more, i am forever grateful for otib.

God bless us, everyone.

[robins72]

For all this and more, i am forever grateful for otib.

God bless us, everyone.

Cheers then and everythink

[The Fat Controller]

More Rules/observations, just general ones this time

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. Your friends love you anyway.

38. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.