Br 1st ol Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 A little bored...does anyone know any footy related jokes/bits of humour/satire etc to liven up the afternoon? Suggest theyare not too offensive/coded to avoid censorhip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinnionForEngland Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 A burglary was recently committed at Bristol Rover's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a Blue and White carpet. The Fire brigade phones Phil Bater in the early hours of Sunday morning... "Mr Phil sir, The Memorial Stadium is on fire!" "The cups man! Save the cups!" cries Phil!. "Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br 1st ol Posted March 5, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Who is the best City manager of all time? Russel Osman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinnionForEngland Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain? A: Gifted. Who has the best chance of starting against Stockport? Leroy Lita! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
london red Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 The Brazilian team are set to play Scotland in the opening match of the 2006 World Cup. As the Brazilians are preparing, Ronaldo says to them, "Don't worry, Scotland are so rubbish that I will take them on by myself. You go and find a bar to sit in and relax." The rest of the team do this, and the bar they go in flashes scores up on teletext. After three minutes, the score comes through: Brazil 1 Scotland 0 Ronaldo They naturally go ballistic. Then, with 89 minutes played, the score comes through: Brazil 1 Scotland 1 James McFadden This obviously disappoints them, but they all rush off to congratulate Ronaldo on his achievement of taking on the Scots all by himself. They are amazed to find him distraught, repeatedly saying "I let you down, I let you down!" One of them said "You didnt let us down, you took on a whole team by yourself and got a draw!" He replied, "No, no you dont understand, I really let you down. I got sent off after 12 minutes!" Apologies to Lee Miller if he reads this forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave L Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 A Leicester player asked a german woman if she fancied a bit of rumpy pumpy She said 'nein'. So he went and got eight of his mates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgyRed Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Phil Bater is shopping in Bristol and goes into his local bank, he suddenly feels dizzy and collapses on the floor, Once he has been revived he's still a bit groggy and asks the ambulanceman where he is, He replies its ok Phil your in the Nationwide to which Phil replies Thank $*@£ for that! I thought we were in the Conference! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BridgyRed Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Pele's list of thw 125 greatest living footballers announced yesterday includes El Hadji Diouf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pudsey Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 man found dead in a rovers shirt. police dressed him in womens clothing to prevent his family further embarrasment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WesM Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 United's young striker, Bob Beaulox had been sat as a sub all season. Was always a sub but never got on. One day, a string of injuries and illness meant that United only had two subs and the other one was a goalkeeper. After 25 mins, United star striker signals that he's tweaked his hamstring and is unable to continue. To Bob's horror, his manager sends his the sub keeper on up front. Dismayed, Bob sits back down. With an hour gone, the other striker is victim of a particularly vicious tackle and has to come off. The Boss looks down the bench as says "Stand up Bob!" Bob jumps up and says "Cheers boss, I won't let you down." The manager looks back and says......."I know that Bob, I'm sending the bench on!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcfcchris2016 Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 One time at the bristol city football academy i was playing for city under 11s at the time. and at the end of our excercises we had to do 2 laps around the field. The teacher was a lady and she was so fit. So anyway i was involved in the run and luckily i Won the Race but sadly i pulled something. Yea, The Teacher Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider gliders Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Thurs some good uns on yer! A little boy goes to court because his parents beat him. The judge asks the little boy,"Well son would you like to live with your mother?" So the boy replies "No, my mum beats me!" So the judge says "Well, son,would you like to live with your Dad ?" so the little boy replies "No, my Dad beats me!" So the judge all out of ideas asks the little boy "well son, who would you like to live with then?"So the boy replies "Bristol Rovers" So the judge is really puzzled and asks, "Well, why Bristol Rovers?" So the boy replies "Well Mr judge, Bristol Rovers, they don't beat anyone..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Horse With No Name Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Phil Bater is shopping in Broadmead when he sees a little old lady struggling with six heavy bags. He approaches her and says "excuse me love, can you manage? " to which she replied " you sod off Bater, you started the job, you bloody finish it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TA8 RED Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 I was bored the other saturday so i decided to go to the memorial stadium of darkness, I wasn't sure of the kick off time so I rang them, when I asked what time was the kick off they said,WHAT TIME CAN YOU GET HERE !!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider gliders Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Yers another good un! There was a West Ham supporter, a Liverpool supporter and an Arsenal supporter. One day they hunted a pig down. The Liverpool supporter said, "I'll have the liver because I'm a Liverpool supporter". The West Ham supporter said,"I'll have the ham because I'm a West Ham supporter". And the Arsenal supporter said,"I'm not hungry thanks!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reds Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 That was proper mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TA8 RED Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 :whistle:Two little boy's are playing football in a somerset park when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler.Thinking quickly,the other boy rip's a plank of wood from a nearby fence,wedges it down the dog's collar and twist's,breaking the dog's neck. A reporter strolling by sees the incident,and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Yeovil Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal" he writes in his note book. "But I'm not a yeovil fan" the little hero replies. "Sorry,since we are in somerset,I assumed you were" says the reporter. "Little City Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook. "I'm not a city fan either" the boy say's. " I assumed everyone in somerset was either for the City or for Yeovil. What team do you support then ?ask's the reporter. "I am a rovers fan" the child replies. Thr reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "LITTLE ROVER'S MANIAC KILLS BELOVED FAMILY PET" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobby Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 A Leicester player asked a german woman if she fancied a bit of rumpy pumpy She said 'nein'. So he went and got eight of his mates. Dave L that is quality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider gliders Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Apparantly, bristol rovers football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion. they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past 100 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RedwardsV1 Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Officials of Afghanistan have claimed that Osama Bin Ladden hasn't been killed and is still alive by showing the leader giving an interview which was said to be live... He said "To prove I am still alive, Bristol Rovers were absolute #### on Saturday." The British Government however has stated, "That could have been recorded months ago." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Neo Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 What is the difference between an aeroplane kit and Phil Bater? One is a glueless kit What have a Cartier watch and David Beckham got in common? Both come in a Posh box NEWSFLASH - Phil Bater is in hospital. He's got a bad side Why did Matthew Harding's marriage break down? Because he couldn't keep his chopper up My wife would be a class keeper; after all I ain't scored for months A City fan was on his way to the Millenium with his mate to watch the LDV. Suddenly, a slow moving funeral procession comes round the corner. On seeing this the fan takes off his hat and stands motionless whilst the procession passes. When they walk on his mate says "that was a lovely gesture" "Well, she was a good wife to me for over 20 years" Footy Anagrams Teddy Sheringham - hed ###### dirty men Paul Merson - lump on arse Manchester City - I'm shy cant erect OR synthetic cream Manchester United - urine detachments OR the entrained scum OR stained hen rectum OR scum need the train Alex Feguson - sex organ fuel Andy Gray - randy gay David Ginola - a livid gonad George Best - go get beers Match of the Day - they of mad chat Stan Collymore - measly control Talking of Stan Collymore, how does he change a light-bulb? he holds it in the air and the world revolves around him Phil Bater goes to a sperm bank. Nurse says "i'll have to phone your wife to help you" "why?" says Bater "because it says here that you're a useless wan-ker" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider gliders Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Q: What is the difference between the Elephant man and Lee Matthews? A: The Elephant Man has a better chance of scoring. Q: How many Bristol Rovers fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows. Apparently, when Ray Graydon was Bristol Rovers manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus. Q: Why do Bristol Rovers fans plant potatoes round the edge of the Memorial Stadium A: So they have Something to lift at the end of the season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grannyjoy Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 The Brazilian team are set to play Scotland in the opening match of the 2006 World Cup. As the Brazilians are preparing, Ronaldo says to them, "Don't worry, Scotland are so rubbish that I will take them on by myself. You go and find a bar to sit in and relax." The rest of the team do this, and the bar they go in flashes scores up on teletext. After three minutes, the score comes through: Brazil 1 Scotland 0 Ronaldo They naturally go ballistic. Then, with 89 minutes played, the score comes through: Brazil 1 Scotland 1 James McFadden This obviously disappoints them, but they all rush off to congratulate Ronaldo on his achievement of taking on the Scots all by himself. They are amazed to find him distraught, repeatedly saying "I let you down, I let you down!" One of them said "You didnt let us down, you took on a whole team by yourself and got a draw!" He replied, "No, no you dont understand, I really let you down. I got sent off after 12 minutes!" Apologies to Lee Miller if he reads this forum! Apology accepted on his behalf, Made me smile! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest eviltaxman Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Ther bist sum bewties 'er!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cider gliders Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.The first one asks, "Oh Lord when will England next win the World Cup?" God Replies, "In the next five years." "But I'll be dead by then," says the man. The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Liverpool next win the European Cup?" The Good Lord - answers, "In the next ten years." "But I'll be dead by then," says the man. The third one asks, "Oh Lord when will Bristol Rovers win the Division Three Title? God answers, "Blimy I'll be dead by then!" Q: What do you call a Cardiff City fan with lots of girlfriends? A: A Shepherd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swampy Posted March 5, 2004 Report Share Posted March 5, 2004 rovers fan - that is not the joke - stopped by police for a breath test. pulls out card - asthmatic: do not administer breath test - ok says pc plod - blood test - gashead pulls out card - anaemic: do not administer blood test - ok says dixon of dock green - urine test - out comes card - bristol rovers fan: do not take the pi$s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reds Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Apparently the Rovers are starting work on the Memorial Ground, the 1st thing there going to do is to turn the seats round to face the pitch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tompo Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 The stewards at Rovers caught a couple of fans climbing over the wall just before half time. They made them stay and watch the rest of the game like everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
94th Minute Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Did you hear about the rovers season pinned to the wall? Someone stole the pin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest H Block Drum n' Bass Posted March 6, 2004 Report Share Posted March 6, 2004 Britney Spears, Bill Gates and Saddam Hussein were gathered in a room. Britney started bragging: "Oh, I'm the most beautiful woman in the world!". Bill Gates looked at Britney and said: "Yes, but I'm the richest man in the world!". Saddam Hussein laughed at them and said: "OK, but I'm the most hated man in the world!". Then Britney said: I have a truth-mirror in the next room. We can check if what we claim is true by saying it into the mirror". They all thought that was a good idea. First, Britney went in to the room. After 2 mins, she came out; "It is true. I am the most beautiful woman in the world!". Then it was Bill Gates turn, and after 2 mins he came out and said: "Yes, I AM the richest man in the world!". At last it was Saddam Hussein turn, and after 2 mins Saddam Hussein came out - ###### off - and screamed: "Who the ###### is Phil Baiter??" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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