The Darwin Awards,

[Avonmouth Docker]

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who, uh, remove themselves from it...

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot

did

something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men

to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during

a

blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwea n bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the

staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head

wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the

man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the

clerk

promptly provided. The man took the cash from the cl erk and fled, leaving

the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime

committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd

just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,

and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the

window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the

head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car

and told to stand there f or a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,

officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger

King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register

without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they

weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at

the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage

tank

by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that

it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[BristolCity1992]

The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who, uh, remove themselves from it...

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot

did

something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men

to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during

a

blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwea n bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the

staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head

wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the

man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the

clerk

promptly provided. The man took the cash from the cl erk and fled, leaving

the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime

committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd

just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,

and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the

window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the

head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car

and told to stand there f or a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,

officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger

King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register

without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they

weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at

the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage

tank

by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that

it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Ha ha great stuff mate.