The English Language.............

[Avonmouth Docker]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes. = No.

No. = Yes.

Maybe. = No.

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry...

We need. = I want.

It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what ever you want. = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk. = I need to complain.

Sure go ahead. = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly. = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot.

Be romantic; turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.

I want new curtains. = And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.

I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game

on T.V.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?! = [Too late! You're dead!]

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MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired. = I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with

you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with

you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense... let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

What's wrong? = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it

now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?

I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let's have sex now!

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

Let's talk. = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy, then

maybe sex?

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with

others.

I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I'm gay.

:noexpression: