It Is The Official Birthday Of The Red Goblin

[cheshire_red]

As with any German Decended Toff / Snob Member of the Goblin Family it is traditional to have two Birthdays, one official and one actual.

Unfortunately I missed his actual Brithday (yesterday) so I hereby declare today as the Red Goblin's (aka OC 1645) Official Birthday.

Happy 362nd Birthday You Old Roundhead.

Cheshire Red

PS Good Luck with the job interview with the CPS on Monday.

[brady bunch]

As a fellow roundhead and revolutionary I salute you!!

Happy birthday old chap...

[Barrs Court Red]

Off with his head

[Guest]

Everyone stand and sing God save the Queen

[Barrs Court Red]

Send her victorious..........

I was in the East End a few years back, and walking up to the toilets was a big chap seemingly shouting - Straight at me!

He seemed to be getting agitated and as I got closer I could hear he was singing "She's a whore". With a mad look in his eye, and slightly scarey smile he says "I'm on about your German Queen".

Good chap is Goblin

[Sir Colby-Tit]

Happy Birthday Gobbers.

C,C,CGS

C,C,CGS

[cider head]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GOBLIN

[Dolman Block B]

As with any German Decended Toff / Snob Member of the Goblin Family it is traditional to have two Birthdays, one official and one actual.

Unfortunately I missed his actual Brithday (yesterday) so I hereby declare today as the Red Goblin's (aka OC 1645) Official Birthday.

Happy 362nd Birthday You Old Roundhead.

Cheshire Red

PS Good Luck with the job interview with the CPS on Monday.

Ahhhhhhhhh senoir Gobbylin.......

Top man and very funny poster......happy birthday mucker!

[Avonmouth Docker]

As with any German Decended Toff / Snob Member of the Goblin Family it is traditional to have two Birthdays, one official and one actual.

.......... and two football teams, as he is a closet Hereford Utd fan!!.

Or was it something else to do with "closets"??.

Anyway, Many Happy Returns of the Day, and Yesterday, Old Timer!!.

[cheshire_red]

Who told you he was a closet Hereford United fan? I think it's bull meself.

[Avonmouth Docker]

Who told you he was a closet Hereford United fan? I think it's bull meself.

Mind you though, he'll be having a third Birthday tomorrow!!.

[Dave L]

A very happy birthday to RG, who as I have suggested before is actually a Daily Mail reading founder member of the Margaret Thatcher fan club who collects royal memorabilia: souvenir plates, thimbles, tea cups and the like. I understand that an autographed pair of Dodi Al Fayed's underpants (used) take pride of place in his collection and that he has 'The Queen, God Bless Her', tattooed on his arse. Long may he rule over us.

[RedTop]

I could hear he was singing "She's a whore".

Are you sure you didn't merely mis-hear him singing a burst of "He's an Orr!"?

Happy official birthday Red Goblin.

[OC 1645]

A very happy birthday to RG, who as I have suggested before is actually a Daily Mail reading founder member of the Margaret Thatcher fan club who collects royal memorabilia: souvenir plates, thimbles, tea cups and the like. I understand that an autographed pair of Dodi Al Fayed's underpants (used) take pride of place in his collection and that he has 'The Queen, God Bless Her', tattooed on his arse. Long may he rule over us.

....just stay on track with the 'master plan'. Come our away trip to Millwall with the Red Army Stalin tank flotilla, 'we' - you and me - break away from the main convoy, lock the Queen in a cupboard and declare the second Republic of England. This declaration of the second Republic will, hopefully, coincide with us winning our first Championship since 1955 at the New Den.

I've had an awful hang-over all day today and a female work colleague did help cheer me in my suffering with the following Tommy Cooper jokes that I'll now share with you all. Here they are - and may they stand as a long lasting tribute to the great comedian that was Tommy Cooper Enjoy.........

Just like that...

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married The ceremony

was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

----------------------------------------------------------

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

----------------------------------------------------------

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home ."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome . "

"Is it common? "

"It's not unusual."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

----------------------------------------------------------

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

----------------------------------------------------------

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

----------------------------------------------------------

So I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and

said 'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'

He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

" So I rang up a local building firm,

I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

----------------------------------------------------------

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and

he said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted

again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

'What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.

----------------------------------------------------------

Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?

The one I was in went back and forwards.

I thought 'This is unusual'.

And the dentist said to me

Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

----------------------------------------------------------

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give

me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste

funny to you?"

----------------------------------------------------------

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,

and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

----------------------------------------------------------

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,

The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time "

The man replied "I know I've been ill"

----------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,

he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"

The doctor said "well don't go to those places"

----------------------------------------------------------

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.

He wasn't very happy.

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.

----------------------------------------------------------

I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of

them would have seen it.

----------------------------------------------------------

Phone answering machine message -

"...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the me at off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

----------------------------------------------------------

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

----------------------------------------------------------

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all

that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

----------------------------------------------------------

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."

The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a

small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and

expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

[budbcfc]

save time and hang him

[Dolman Block B]

....just stay on track with the 'master plan'. Come our away trip to Millwall with the Red Army Stalin tank flotilla, 'we' - you and me - break away from the main convoy, lock the Queen in a cupboard and declare the second Republic of England. This declaration of the second Republic will, hopefully, coincide with us winning our first Championship since 1955 at the New Den.

I've had an awful hang-over all day today and a female work colleague did help cheer me in my suffering with the following Tommy Cooper jokes that I'll now share with you all. Here they are - and may they stand as a long lasting tribute to the great comedian that was Tommy Cooper Enjoy.........

Just like that...

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married The ceremony

was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

----------------------------------------------------------

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

----------------------------------------------------------

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home ."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome . "

"Is it common? "

"It's not unusual."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

----------------------------------------------------------

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

----------------------------------------------------------

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

----------------------------------------------------------

So I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and

said 'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said 'You are.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'

He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

----------------------------------------------------------

" So I rang up a local building firm,

I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5

people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

----------------------------------------------------------

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and

he said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted

again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

'What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.

----------------------------------------------------------

Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?

The one I was in went back and forwards.

I thought 'This is unusual'.

And the dentist said to me

Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

----------------------------------------------------------

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give

me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste

funny to you?"

----------------------------------------------------------

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,

and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

----------------------------------------------------------

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,

The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time "

The man replied "I know I've been ill"

----------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,

he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"

The doctor said "well don't go to those places"

----------------------------------------------------------

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.

He wasn't very happy.

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.

----------------------------------------------------------

I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of

them would have seen it.

----------------------------------------------------------

Phone answering machine message -

"...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the me at off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

----------------------------------------------------------

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

----------------------------------------------------------

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

----------------------------------------------------------

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all

that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

----------------------------------------------------------

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered

with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

----------------------------------------------------------

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."

The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a

small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and

expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

You need to see a doctor and quickly.............

[OC 1645]

You need to see a doctor and quickly.............

What? This doctor?

So I can return to a time and place - e.g. the England of 1650AD - where I'd be considered conventional. Well being born on the same day - March 22nd - as William Shatner (Captain Kirk) "Beam me up Scotty !!!!!!!"

Anyway, may the mighty Bristol City FC reward us all this year with promotion - hopefully with our first Championship since 1955 - that'll be the first Championship in most of the lifetimes of those that have responded to this thread and even mine !!!!!!!!!!!

Up the City

[robins72]

What? This doctor?

So I can return to a time and place - e.g. the England of 1650AD - where I'd be considered conventional. Well being born on the same day - March 22nd - as William Shatner (Captain Kirk) "Beam me up Scotty !!!!!!!"

Anyway, may the mighty Bristol City FC reward us all this year with promotion - hopefully with our first Championship since 1955 - that'll be the first Championship in most of the lifetimes of those that have responded to this thread and even mine !!!!!!!!!!!

Up the City

Hope you had a good one Gobbers. By the way Tom Baker was my favourite doc do you have a scarf as long as he did?

[OC 1645]

Hope you had a good one Gobbers. By the way Tom Baker was my favourite doc do you have a scarf as long as he did?

You're showing your age now - Tom Baker was my favourite doctor as well. The only scarf I had was an imitation silk City scarf from the 1970's. It had 'Easter Enders' written on the back and 'Bristol City FC' on the front - I bet that scarf would be worth some money now had I not lost it.

You're the second forum to see this joke after the subbers viewed it first ........

MICHELIN MAN DENIES PATERNITY SUIT... CLAIMS CHILD IS NOT HIS.....

[Avonmouth Docker]

I see you still have just as much hair now, as you did then Gobbers!!.

[Dollymarie]

Happy Birthday RG.

As soon as you acquire that tank, let me know and I'm happy to drive it again.

[OC 1645]

I see you still have just as much hair now, as you did then Gobbers!!.

IMAGINE YOU WERE AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY YESTERDAY....

YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING....

(not that you would...)

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM....

You open the door....

NOW REMEMBER,

THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY....

DOESN'T IT ??

This would surely mess up your mind!

[WTFiGO!?!]

Happy Birthday, crazy bastard.

Peace Out Bruv.

*shake's his head in disbelief and wander*.

[Dolman Block B]

IMAGINE YOU WERE AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY YESTERDAY....

YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING....

(not that you would...)

AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM....

You open the door....

NOW REMEMBER,

THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR!

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY....

DOESN'T IT ??

This would surely mess up your mind!

Quality RG

[OC 1645]

Happy Birthday, crazy bastard.

Peace Out Bruv.

*shake's his head in disbelief and wander*.

At least you recognize me for what I am.

This is a bit before your time WTFiGO!?! but here's yet another classic Tommy Cooper gag for your perusal.........

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

[bucksred]

You're showing your age now - Tom Baker was my favourite doctor as well. The only scarf I had was an imitation silk City scarf from the 1970's. It had 'Easter Enders' written on the back and 'Bristol City FC' on the front - I bet that scarf would be worth some money now had I not lost it.

You're the second forum to see this joke after the subbers viewed it first ........

MICHELIN MAN DENIES PATERNITY SUIT... CLAIMS CHILD IS NOT HIS.....

Happy birthday, you Warsaw fan you Gobbers!!! :rofl2br: keep the panzer rolling towards Scumwall panzer, carbide!

[OC 1645]

Happy birthday, you Warsaw fan you Gobbers!!! :rofl2br: keep the panzer rolling towards Scumwall panzer, carbide!

What a great belated Birthday present our Red Aces gave me today....

Doncaster Rovers 0 Bristol City 1

.....well done you Cider Redzzzzzz

Up the City

[bucksred]

What a great belated Birthday present our Red Aces gave me today....

Doncaster Rovers 0 Bristol City 1

.....well done you Cider Redzzzzzz

Up the City

and dahn the pub you will go, singing "Keep the Red Flag flying high" in time honoured republican fashion. go fer it my son.

[OC 1645]

and dahn the pub you will go, singing "Keep the Red Flag flying high" in time honoured republican fashion. go fer it my son.

Cider Redz until we die - we'll keep the Red Flag flying high !!!!!

I just can't resist posting some more Tommy Cooper gags in celebration of today's Cider Red triumph at Doncaster.... .......

Tommy Cooper revisits his long suffering Doctor and even meets your Queen.........

'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind' ,

so he gave me a kite.'

AND......

A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out' . Man says, Why?

The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours'

AND.....

Tommy Cooper at the Royalist Command Performance....

Each year it was the custom for the very best performers to appear at the Royalist Command Performance. At the end of the show the very best of the best were introduced to the Queen.

'Did you think I was funny?', Tommy Cooper asked the Queen.

'Yes, very funny Tommy, 'replied the Queen.

'Did your Mother think I was funny?' , Tommy asked.

'Yes, she laughed non-stop, said the Queen

'Would you mind if I ask a personal question?', Tommy asked.

'No, you can ask, but I may not be able to answer' , the Queen Replied

'Who are you supporting in the Cup Final?' , asked Tommy.

'Neither, I am impartial' , said the Queen.'

'In that case, ...' said Tommy, '....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'

[WTFiGO!?!]

At least you recognize me for what I am.

This is a bit before your time WTFiGO!?! but here's yet another classic Tommy Cooper gag for your perusal.........

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Love it bruv - I won't lie to you....

ck love it mate !!