New Pet

[Goldberg]

I was feeling a bit lonely so I decided life would be more fun if I had a pet.

So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.

I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink.

So, I asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down The Queen's Head Pub with me and have a beer?"

But there was no answer.

This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the pub for a drink?"

But again, there was no answer from my new friend and pet. So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. I decided to ask him

one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede's

house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to The Queen's Head Pub and have a drink with me?"

A little voice came out of the box: .........

I heard you the first time! I'm putting my ######ng shoes on."

[The Enormous Turnip]

hahahah