Dear Colin

[tpitman]

Dear Mr Sexstone,

I am writing to complain about my treatment when taking my three-year-old son to Ashton Gate for the last match against Rotherham. At the final whistle, I found myself propelled from the Dolman to the Williams Stand, where I was assured I would be able to meet the players, who wished to thank me for my support.

Imagine my horror, then, when these aforementioned players appeared before me and sprayed me with champagne. It was, I stress, a deliberate act. As a result, my shirt was covered with wine stains that required dry cleaning to remove. In addition, my son's clothing was also soiled by the alcohol, requiring the cost of a trip to the laundrette. Some of it also got into my eye, which caused mild irritation. What annoyed me is that I had been cheering for them all afternoon, and this is how they repaid my generous nature.

In addition, I hate to think of the consequences if a passing social worker had happened to notice that my lad smelled of booze as I left the ground. I also hope none of the spray landed on his tongue, since he is too young to consume alcohol, and I would hate to think this irresponsible act gave him a taste for drink which drove him to a miserable life of alcoholism.

I have to stress that we were not alone. Other people near us who had congregated to offer a firm handshake to the players were also covered in fizz, and I noticed a number of them suffered staining on their clothing as a result. They appeared less concerned than I at the time, but their concern will no doubt have grown when they got home and realised the stains were potentially difficult to remove. There were police present, yet I saw none move to prevent this wanton damage of other people's property. I note it is also an offence to consume alcohol within sight of the pitch, yet the police officers seemed far less willing to act against the players than they were when my mate tried to sneak two pints of cider into his seat at the Millennium Stadium the last time we visited, by hiding them in his inside pocket.

I thought Gary Johnson had eradicated the drinking culture at the club - certainly that is the assurance that the chairman has given us in the past. Yet it transpires the players were drinking OPENLY in front of the manager, who also appeared unwilling to act. Any club where there just happens to be bottles of alcohol lying around in the dressing room in the first place surely has cause for concern. Yet I noted Mr Lansdown seemed unsurprised to discover this.

Please could you message me with the correct name and address for me to send my dry cleaning bill to in order to be reimbursed by the club for the staining caused by the champagne. I trust the players will be careful not to produce any football in the coming years which might be successful enough to see a repeat of these events.

Yours sincerely

Outraged of the Dolman Stand

P.S. If you think I am angry, remember there is probably someone out there who was hit by a falling cork. I hope for your sake he does not happen upon an advert for Claims Direct.

OH NO!

I must have dreamt we got promotion, but reading this means its April 1st right?

Still another month of the season to go???

[RedM]

If I did not know better, I would almost detect a hint of ridicule in your response.

No not at all. I'm just glad you and your boy are safe and want to thank you for doing the gentlemanly thing by placing yourselves between me and the players. I have heard some horrific tales and thanks to people like you I wasn't able to get anywhere near them.

I have heard of armpits in faces and sweat dripping on people, Dollymarie I believe had a close encounter with a groin! Boots were being ripped off and even shorts, imagine if someone had got whipped with a shoelace or even 'pinged' by the elastic waistband. It doesn't bear thinking about does it?

I did stay safely in the stand for a while, must have followed the good example of Mr Maesknoll. However I did definately go on the pitch after the first rush. Can this please be taken into consideration regarding my banning letter, perhaps only ban me for half a season, please Colin?

I'm not sure who your main attacker was Brian, but judging by Mr Noble when I saw him the next day I'd say he was a certainty, but then again maybe not as he appeared to have drank more than he sprayed? If you feel any of the players need further investigation then I'm your woman. Hope this helps a fellow fan?

RedM

[Dollymarie]

Yes Id like to complain about the fact that Bradley Orrs socks were taped on thus meaning I was unable to remove them!!! Couldnt there have been better planning with things like this, and the experience of being so close to a certain Mr Orrs groin has certainly scarred me for life.

Plus I would like the club to closely study the CCTV footage to explain to me why I have such large bruises on my legs???

[Redbarn]

Dear Mr Sexstone,

I am writing to complain about my treatment when taking my three-year-old son to Ashton Gate for the last match against Rotherham. At the final whistle, I found myself propelled from the Dolman to the Williams Stand, where I was assured I would be able to meet the players, who wished to thank me for my support.

Imagine my horror, then, when these aforementioned players appeared before me and sprayed me with champagne. It was, I stress, a deliberate act. As a result, my shirt was covered with wine stains that required dry cleaning to remove. In addition, my son's clothing was also soiled by the alcohol, requiring the cost of a trip to the laundrette. Some of it also got into my eye, which caused mild irritation. What annoyed me is that I had been cheering for them all afternoon, and this is how they repaid my generous nature.

In addition, I hate to think of the consequences if a passing social worker had happened to notice that my lad smelled of booze as I left the ground. I also hope none of the spray landed on his tongue, since he is too young to consume alcohol, and I would hate to think this irresponsible act gave him a taste for drink which drove him to a miserable life of alcoholism.

I have to stress that we were not alone. Other people near us who had congregated to offer a firm handshake to the players were also covered in fizz, and I noticed a number of them suffered staining on their clothing as a result. They appeared less concerned than I at the time, but their concern will no doubt have grown when they got home and realised the stains were potentially difficult to remove. There were police present, yet I saw none move to prevent this wanton damage of other people's property. I note it is also an offence to consume alcohol within sight of the pitch, yet the police officers seemed far less willing to act against the players than they were when my mate tried to sneak two pints of cider into his seat at the Millennium Stadium the last time we visited, by hiding them in his inside pocket.

I thought Gary Johnson had eradicated the drinking culture at the club - certainly that is the assurance that the chairman has given us in the past. Yet it transpires the players were drinking OPENLY in front of the manager, who also appeared unwilling to act. Any club where there just happens to be bottles of alcohol lying around in the dressing room in the first place surely has cause for concern. Yet I noted Mr Lansdown seemed unsurprised to discover this.

Please could you message me with the correct name and address for me to send my dry cleaning bill to in order to be reimbursed by the club for the staining caused by the champagne. I trust the players will be careful not to produce any football in the coming years which might be successful enough to see a repeat of these events.

Yours sincerely

Outraged of the Dolman Stand

P.S. If you think I am angry, remember there is probably someone out there who was hit by a falling cork. I hope for your sake he does not happen upon an advert for Claims Direct.

I think this has to be a wind up...but there are plenty of folk buying it!!

[CiderJar]

Dear Mr Outraged of the Dolman Stand,

I was terribly saddened to read of you and your siblings plight at the hands of our ruffian footballers. However, let me assure you that the fizzy beverage that doused your outer garment was in no way real Champagne, but cheap Lambrusco, what I procured from Asda last Saturday morn. The real stuff is still stashed in the boardroom fridge.

However, enough of this frivolity. If you pursue a threat to contact Claims Direct, then I'll have no choice but to report you to the Royal Society for The Prevention of Children, for the timerity of bringing your offspring into contact with alcohol, however cheap and nasty.

When I was perched on my father's shoulders as an 8 year-old in the East End thingy wotsit, I never so much as got near a bottle of ginger pop, never mind what your boy was brought into contact with.

Indeed, as a potential client of Bristol City Football Club I wouldn't be surprised if he's scarred for life by the experience, not to mention the loud noise and constant swearing at our humble establishment. Mind you, with regards to swearing, I've asked the women to pipe down a bit.

I hope that this doesn't put you off the Bristol City brand in future and enclose a ticket to watch Rovers play Lincoln City in the League 2 Play-Off semi final as compensation.

Yours unequivocally,

Carling S

Dear Mr Carling S,

I read your reply with great interest, particularly the reference to the Royal Society for The Prevention of Children. Please tell me, where was this society when my two were being conceived? If they had been preventing children as they are supposed to I could have been completely inebriated and bathing in College Green fountain. Instead I had to settle for cuddling Steve Brooker in a mildy tipsy kind of way whilst having this nagging feeling that my son was being trampled somewhere on the pitch.

Regards,

Mr E Parent

[Dollymarie]

Having met Redtops son on Sunday I can safely say he would have been running about like a hoodlum with the rest of us.

[cider head]

typical city not shooting straight, that wine should have gone in your mouth not on your top,

right drop the team.

[Mad Cyril]

This thread should be adopted by the education authorities to replace the GCSE, and by recruitment agencies to identify those who can and those who can not be put forward for jobs involving dangerous machinery.

[Pete1975Legend]

May I suggest that you know what happens at all grounds when teams are promoted that a champagne spray could occur. Did you at anytime think maybe if I don't want to get sprayed I stand as far away from the players as possible.

Just celebrate man!!!!!!!! :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup:

[Mad Cyril]

May I suggest that you know what happens at all grounds when teams are promoted that a champagne spray could occur. Did you at anytime think maybe if I don't want to get sprayed I stand as far away from the players as possible.

Just celebrate man!!!!!!!! :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup: :goingup:

Exam results for Pete1975Legend : 'Comprehensive FAIL'

[Mr Roper]

I,m confused ,obviously the open letter by redtop was very tongue in cheek & quite amusing but were the replies by a few complaining about the letter genuine or were they trying to be funny as well.Can,t see how anyone couldn,t get that the letter was a spoof.

[Simon Lambley]

on this forum many can get things wrong, this post has to go down as a classic and i bet some who have moaned about the initial letter are now feeling slightly daft, but i doubt it