cheshire_red Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Q. What's the difference between a Gashead and a computer? A. You only have to punch information into a computer once! ------------------------------------------------- After Greydoom dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Greydoom a little two-room house with a faded Gas banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Ray looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. City flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Robins banner hangs between the marble columns. All the way up the drive are huge statues of great City players from history. "Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Danny Wilson gets a huge mansion with City banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?" God looks at Greydoom seriously for a moment. "That's not Danny's house," God says "That's my house." ------------------------------------------------------ The Pope is coming to Bristol, so Mother Riley buys her son his favourite City football strip so he'll stand out and get noticed, the Pope being a keen football fan. The Pope comes by, and sees another kid in a Gas shirt. He stops the Popemobile, gets out, talks to him, then drives straight past the kid in the City shirt. The City kid is really upset, so his mother buys him a Gas shirt for the Pope's return trip next day. The kid is distraught at having to wear a Gas shirt but his mother convinces him that to get to talk to the Pope it's what he must do. Next day the Pope sees the kid in his new Gas kit, stops the Popemobile, climbs down and says, "Now then you little Gas ba*!!rd, didn't I tell you to **** off yesterday?" ---------------------------------------------- A Gashead and a City fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Gashead says, "So you're a City fan, that's interesting. I'm a Gashead... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The City fan replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The City fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the Gashead. The Gas nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the City fan. The City fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Gashead. The Gashead fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The City fan replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was in a pub the other day and I leant across a huge guy standing next to me and said "Do you wanna hear a Rovers joke? He leans over and says "Look mate I'm a retired Pro boxer I'm six foot six and weigh 18 stone My mate over there is six foot four and used to be Mr Bristol and the bloke standing next to him has just got out after serving 3-4 for GBH and we're all Gasheads. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" "**** Off" I said "I'm not explaining it 3 times.." ---------------------------------- Q.How do you stop a Gashead from drowning? A.Take your foot off his head. Q.What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Gashead in the road? A.There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q.What's the difference between Memorial Ground and a hedgehog? A.With a hedgehog the pr! cks are on the outside ----------------------------------- A man goes into a pub, bangs his fist on the bar and says, "All Gasheads are á rseholes!" "I resent that!" says another guy. "Are you a Gashead then?" "No." Says the other guy, "I'm an á rsehole." ------------------------------- What do you have when 100 Gasheads are burried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand ------------------------------- A Gashead dies of shock at The Mem when the Gas score a goal and subsequently finds himself at the gates of heaven. "Hello" says St Peter. "I'm sorry but no Gasheads allowed!" "What I don't believe what I'm hearing." he replies. "You heard alright" Said St Peter. "No bloody Gasheads!" "But,but,but I've been a good man." Says the Gas in desperation. "Oh really." says St Peter "What have you done?" "Well a month ago I gave £10 to the Children in need campaign and three weeks ago I gave £10 to the starving in Africa and Two weeks ago I Gave £10 pound to the victims of war in bosnia." "Okay I'll have a word with the gaffer and see what I can do." Says st Peter and then walks through the gates of heaven leaving the Gashead waiting outside. After about 10 minutes he comes walking back through the gates and over to the Gas. "well what happened?" Asked the Gashead. "Well I spoke to God and we both came to the same conclusion." Said St Peter. "What was that? St Peter replied "Here's your 30 quid back now **** OFF!" -------------------------------------- Police were called to a house of ill repute to find a punter wearing a Gas shirt had fallen down the stairs and had broken his neck. They asked one of the ladies to take his shirt off and dress him in stockings and suspenders. Why should I do that said the lady of the night..... The policeman replied....It will avoid causing his family any further embarrassment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tipps Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Fair play, just got back from the pub and made me laugh my head off. :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: :how funny: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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